A really-really Bad idea
by Billybob - csagun36
Summary: This is a strange rewrite (even for me) - - I am taking a throw away 'sub-plot' from an abandoned story by 'Jeconais' and expanding it. It involves a well intentioned Hermione setting Harry up for a couple of blind dates with girls … dates that Harry didn't ask for (thus the title) I am a huge Ron fan and I like to put him in situations where he looks good. enjoy
1. Chapter 1

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Original title: Princess by **Jeconais** (from his abandoned section)

 **Jeconais Note # 1** : This is in my "Abandoned" section _ and contains Stories that, for one reason or another, I've decided to abandon.

 **Jeconais Notes # 2:**  
Some times, writing fan fiction can be a very depressing thing. To draw an analogy here, this piece of writing is like a beloved family pet - you can't see the flaws, and you really like it's company. Until a good friend gently points out that your pet is terminally ill, and that it needs to be put down. Posting it now, in the state that it's in, is the only possible way I can commit fanfic euthanasia.

Question; – is permission required for a rewrite of an abandoned story?

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 _ **Billybob's opening notes**_ : This story in its original form is a wandering mess. So I understand why it was (put-down) –

*It mostly takes place at Hogwarts – I changed that - to a post graduation tale.

*It contains a super powerful - super rich – unstoppable Harry at its core, who can defeat an army of guards and humiliate the Veela Royal family as well as the Muggle English Queen … basically; Harry does whatever he pleases. (I really don't like super powerful anyone stories) –

*Most of the original story surrounds Melissa a 'full Veela' princess and Harry's courtship of her (in my version she and Harry becomes the sub-plot).

*Half way into reading Jeconais original story, I abandoned any thought of doing a rewrite and focused instead on its subplot. – this was almost a toss away story, really – and involved two of Harry's best friends, who try (and failed) to hook him up on a blind date. This concept caught my interest. So I scraped the main story and I changed and expanded the sub-plot A-LOT. Thus; I avoid using 80% of the Melissa plotline and the queen of England bits too.

I do however like to give full credit for my inspiration… so, thanks … Jeconais

 **Rated M** so as not to offend all those morality 'prigs' out there - my point here is I don't write smut ... period, but there is also adult level humor (in this tale) which will upset those that insist that all HP fan fiction be written for readers that are no more than twelve years of age. - W orst of all, Hermione is depicted as a 'mortal' that makes mistakes and that goes against ALL established (fan fiction) Cannon ... so if you are a big fan of the Goddess Granger, this story is not for you.

I am at heart, a HUGE Ron fan. - An American trying to 'write' British and failing miserably.

 **Alternate universe** (AU): for obvious reasons that will jump out at you as you begin to read.

I write as if I am performing in a stage play – with noticeable gaps and pauses (theatrical beats) to simulate actual spoken dialog. Before you ask; I do know that my spelling sucks and my grammar is atrocious. If this offends you (and everything offends someone these days) then stop now and run away in dread.

* Author's disclaimer: This story is based in the world created by J. K. Rowling, she owns all legal rights to the characters, setting, etc. - I am merely borrowing the contents of the JKR world for my own amusement and that of my few readers. - In other words; her characters … 'Jeconis' original sub-plot story line … and my (usual) twisted version of it… savvy?

Mostly: Hermione's P.O.V.,

Enjoy

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Hallo.

My name is Hermione Granger, and this is my account of some of the events leading up to_ **the day** , and what happened on that day which is now, as infamous as it is famous.

Only, unlike other accounts of that historic event, I'm going to start with a secret – of how being a bossy-know-it-all, really embarrassed a couple of former Hogwarts girls, (but I got one of them a husband out of it … so that's a plus … isn't it?) In the process I humiliated myself beyond description and came extremely close to repercussions; that could have ruined the rest of my life.

If this painful episode taught me anything, it makes it crystal clear that I need to really listen to Ron more often, the git can be right … (some of the time). And secondly: I am NOT the 'infallible goddess' that some twisted Wizarding-fans of the national celebrity Granger … think that I am.

So, this is my 'warts' account (ugly but truthful) of the build up to that fateful day, and how I wandered blindly into it, secure in the knowledge that I knew better than Harry did; especially when it comes to what was good for him in the long run. – My goal was pure …I was just helping my best friend. - Who apparently; didn't need it … at all?

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It seemed like such a good idea.

Ron and I had crossed the final frontier, so to speak, and I was more than happy about it. Ron has certainly grown out of his jealousy phase - which is a good thing for him as well, otherwise; he'd never have crossed said sexual frontier with me. However; what really sealed the deal (for us) was what happened at Shell Cottage.

Anyway, these days … I am happy, content, and according to some people, much more relaxed than ever. You want me to prove it? (Why does no one believe me?) okay … how about this, not only did I tell a joke last week – (well I did) to the shock of a entire family of red-headed someone's, who shall remain nameless. - I even played a prank (in public) that no-one knows I did. George took the credit and I'm fine with that. – He says, he's defending his future sister-in-law and I smiled whenever he says things like that_ and I sure hope he's right

(I've botched-up things between us more often than Ron has – well, recently … anyway). Surprise-surprise … I make mistakes. – being in a relationship … well, stuff happens.

Most people know that normally, I don't do pranks … I don't believe in taking the mickey on someone (by humiliating them) just for a laugh and thankfully; Ron has been on the receiving end of so many sibling pranks - he too has lost any enjoyment in pulling them on others. 'I love him for that … but even I admit … that there are always exceptions to any policy.

I'm sure that Draco will recover the use of his reproductive equipment at some stage … Well, maybe he will (the pillock!). How dare he call me ' **that** ' in public? - Dearest George called what I did, appropriate for a deserving snake, but to me, revenge might be a better word. I may be a Mudblood, but I am certainly not anyone's … Manky slag (whore).

I have also heard it said - that someone should have seduced me years ago. - -And I must say there is some merit to that idea. It's always been hard for me to get along with others, especially when I was younger. - My parents even had me in therapy for my anti-social behavior. - Anyway; **my** _Ron should be proud of me … for I refrained from hexing Charlie's 'naughty bits' into oblivion for calling me an asexual prig. – Apparently; peoples' options of me tend to go to extremes in both directions.

However: this crude comment on my sexuality had a plus side, for it led my thoughts to my (second) best friend in the entire world, Harry James Potter. - It's easy for me to see, that a lack of sex in his life, has made him far to tense for my linking.

Of course, he had the whole 'must save the world' thing on his shoulders, (for years) but he's promised me that he's done with that now. There is no denying that Harry had a horrible childhood and his Hogwarts days weren't all that much fun either. - So … in spite of experiences that would have sent anyone else to a padded cell … he's still remarkably grounded and I have often wondered why.

After years of reflection, I have determined that Harry Potter's sanity or at least the foundation of it (not from me if you're wondering) comes from his right hand man (best mate) who when we first met; I considered to be a hot-headed, intellectually challenged and extremely loyal …dolt.

I was brought up to believe that knowledge and intellect trumps everything else… period. So I naturally thought this barely literate, red-haired, country bumpkin was beneath me. I was on the other hand instantly attracted to the 'boy who lived' and was determined to become a-part of his inner circle. I thought he would be surrounded by an army of friends and admirers … nope.

He always was unusually suspicious of strangers and authority figures and rightfully so – as he seemed to have someone trying to kill him every other month. When his only friend (the red-headed nitwit) insulted me, this adorable boy sought me out during a troll attack and saved my life …well the bumpkin physically saved me – (but you know what I mean) - - Damsel in distress; knight in shining armor… held upside down by a troll … actually, no help at all - and rather helpless. - - Fairy tales don't last long when confronted by reality …do they? - - Oh never mind that now; it was the thought that really counts … more so than who does the actual deed. –

Year after year Ron was so consistently daft that … (oh never mind) but to offset his irritable qualities, my dad use to say that Ron had cart-loads of what he called common sense, which he predicted would rival (one day) my intellect. - At the time I thought such a notion – pure Rubbish, but now (years later) I wonder if my dad spoke more wisdom than he knew. – In spite of Ron's appalling manners, he was raised in the Wizarding world (unlike Harry and me) so this clod knew, like the back of his hand, all the customs and traditions of the Wizarding culture, (where we did not) and at first; I thought Harry kept him around as a- 'guide' -into this strange magical culture.

In many ways my black-haired hero was naively innocent and sweet, with both boys (as expected) somewhat clueless about us girls, until their mid to late teens. - Harry still is girl-clueless; actually - which is why his ' _still single_ ' status, is so bothersome. One of the differences between Harry and Ron as typical male idiots; is that post Hogwarts Ronald now towers over Harry (5'5" seeker's physique). - The red headed, is a muscular Adonis at nearly six feet tall and has been known to easily lift, an in a public insulting; Malfoy (a hate-filled bigot) up with one hand and hold him there while the ferret's eyes bulged and feet dangled mere inches above the atrium floor.

A very enjoyable sight, I must say.

Harry as a rule does not defend me or my honor (not physically) and frankly I don't generally need a defender (I fight my own battles; thank you) besides; Harry claims he doesn't have too … his former self-appointed bodyguard at school; really doesn't like anyone calling me bad names (like: Mudblood), especially when comes from a evil Malfoy. - And since we became a couple (happy sigh) it boils down to a race of who can react first. I hex and Ron gets …physical. After all these years one would think Draco would know better.

While we are on the subject of the male physique; Quidditch practice never did much good to Harry's body (the best seekers are scrawny buggers and height disadvantaged) Goal keepers on the other hand; are built like a old-time battleship, so naturally Ronald became quite yummy in a muscular sense - not that I ever noticed … well maybe I did (a-little). - What was wrong with me at Hogwarts? - -

(Oh yes- I was pursuing Harry – full time).

Bottom line here – there was a noticeable difference between seekers and goal-keepers – with the best example being whenever; Ron strips off his jersey (now) after practice – (he plays for a pub sponsored Quidditch team) just one sight of his overheated and sweat covered bare chest (hmm) – Sweet baby Maeve he's delicious … and better yet – He's mine!

(Again: don't ever tell him that I said that)

So …we had our adventures at school … out little romances, jealousies and arguments. But everything dramatically changed for me; after the Death-Eater's began the violent takeover of England's magical government ( _coup d'état_ ). During the occupation which started on August 1st; we went camping (to hide) and it was there – (in late October) within that Manky tent - that the red-headed coward … deserted me and left a clueless Harry and me to solve the puzzle of the Horcruxes, on our own. –

That loser must have quickly come to regret his despicable action, because this retched deserter did provide logistical support to us during the hunt (dropped off monthly) meaning food supplies, toiletries, dish and laundry cleaning supplies, information (newspapers and transcripts of pirate radio broadcasts) and money

See what I mean … he did nothing for the war effort (the cowardly scum)

Why did Ron leave the tent … well that was complicated? Harry was clueless, Albus pensive memories proved worthless, the hunt was floundering, food was running out and Harry had broken up with Ginny (his first genuine girlfriend) He was deeply depressed and frustrated, without any idea where to go next. - In a vain attempt to brain storm a solution, Harry and I became 'thick as thieves' (second skin close) and Ron felt (left-out) like the third wheel on a pony cart. Ron had come to believe that I fancied Harry … and I did actually – but Harry kept shooting down my clumsy attempts to become a couple. - I wonder how Lavender did it - she made chatting-up boys look so easy?

In the tent … Ron noticed (with Ginny out of the picture; I saw an opportunity, which I pressed hard) and after a-bit, he had a few harsh words with Harry … which ended-up giving me an impossible choice. - Harry still thinks Ron left because there was no stratagem … no plan – (about the Horcruxes) … but I know better. - What followed was; tons of loneliness, regret beyond measure_ and a-lot of tears filled reflections on my priorities. - Harry was a rudderless ship without Ron and although we didn't starve due to dropped off supplies that Ron left us. - I didn't see him again, until 'after' the locket was destroyed… and even then; I called him names and gave this walking battleship a pathetically weak thrashing. - Time blurred after that, as I was in emotional turmoil – torn in different directions (a big mess) and the next thing I remembered clearly –was our captured by snatchers.

I will not describe what happed to me at Malfoy manner, (too painful) or how my entire romantic outlook went arse over elbows at Shell Cottage. Time seemed to blur for me a-lot during the hunt _and before I knew it the Riddle war was over

*The battle for Hogwarts … went pretty much the way the newspapers said it did

Voldemort ended-up dead, very dead. As did Snape and Malfoy senior – much to the delight of the sole Malfoy heir (Draco), who has inherited the entire family fortune - and numerous personal debts owed to his dad by other prominent Death Eaters.

From what I know, the final duel was messy, (I didn't see it … I was rather busy not dying) it was actually won because of an obscure technicality of wand lore; (Ron explained it to me) and it ranged over all of the ruins of Hogwarts. Voldemort thought he would win, because he had a special wand - - Harry decided he was going to win, because he had something that the dark-lord didn't have (Never did find out what that was) Harry should have lost … Harry should have died, he was just a kid and he fought against a heartless killer. Destiny can kick butt at times.

The tall and the short of it was - in the end …the little scamp went off and killed Voldemort all on his own. Dumbledore was gone and his secret resistance movement the- _**Order of the Phoenix**_ \- was all but wiped out on- 'day one' -of the Ministry takeover. - The red headed deserter, found two of the damn Horcruxes and destroyed them, (I don't know how … he won't tell me) that he did such a small thing - d idn't make-up at all (in my mind) for his cowardly desertion.

"Voldemort is dead," Harry announced as he entered (alone) into the ruins of the Great Hall. "You'll find old Tom's body and some of his senior lieutenants' (Death Eaters) in the courtyard in front of here. I got Riddle and Ron got the rest. Now, would someone please find Hermione … (Ron and I had gotten separated 'somehow' during the fighting) and tell her it's over. Ron and I are knackered, (exhausted) so while Ron gets something to eat - I'm going to have a kip." He then turned and walked out, before any of us could even react to what he had said. - That the new national hero was coated in blood and body-bits is something I'd rather not think about.

Well, I was the first out of my seat, and was closely followed by Ginny and Charlie with loads of others at our heels. We searched the castle in vain for hours … until I found him by utilizing my famed intellect, I simply went and grabbed a 'worn out' Ron directly out of the kitchen. With a plate of food in one hand and a drink in the other, after a brief discussion (heated) during which he had the gall to tell me to_ _**sod-off**_ _and to leave Harry alone (can't describe how infuriating he can be) - - As you can well guess however; I was not in the mood to listen to him (an ongoing problem … I really must work on) so I took him firmly by a pinched ear and made him show me Harry's bolt-hole (everyone at Hogwarts had one) mine was in the library (don't laugh)

Anyway: Ron led me through a few castle shortcuts, emerging into the hallway - just as Harry vanished into the Prefect's bathroom. Not being a Prefect or the head-boy; no one had thought to search for him there. Harry had actually used Ron's sixth year Prefect password (surprisingly it still worked) - Without a moment's hesitation, I boldly pulled Ron in after Harry and sealed the doors, Behind us.

"Hermione," Harry protested. "I really need a hot soak."

"You do," I fully agreed"; I said while holding my nose against the stink - "rather badly. – So don't let us stop you." There was no way I was letting him out of my sight, until I got a much needed explanation.

"Ron," Harry tried again, pleading with his best mate.

"Don't look to me, Harry," he advised. "I was just leaving. Three is a crowd when naked bathing is contemplated with_ _your_ _girlfriend …"

"She is not my girlfriend … Harry shouted back

"…He's not my boyfriend" … I repeated a moment later said. "You are… you dolt".

I've already admitted that I fancied Harry for a-bit (four years actually) – and Historians will always wonder why I didn't get the 'Chosen One'. Truth was; there coexisted two cases of very strong unrequited love imbedded within: 'the golden trio'. - Ron's for me until Shell Cottage; and mine for Harry, who never was even remotely my boyfriend (Skeeter lied about that) – Besides; had it even been a-little true … I would never have meekly submitted to being called by that retro-sexist title.

I don't deny that before the hunt I did harbor impossible hopes of- 'being'- with the hero of the story; Harry (every single girl my age, hoped that same thing) but my 'gotcha' moment happen at Shell Cottage. To me … my stay at that cottage was the beginning, of my lifelong love affair (I Hope) to my devoted red-head. For it was there that I've finally realized that in Harry's 'priority list' I never made the top ten. Whereas on Ron's list, I was consistently number **ONE**. As a result of this belated revelation, it ended abruptly my school-girl crush on a story-book hero… as my romantic- 'sights' -switched (hard) and my heart locked on a far better prospective for lifelong happiness.

(Fast forward to the bit, right after the last battle) - - Ron was standing motionless at the bath door staring at me, in total gob-smacked disbelief at hearing me say he was my boyfriend. Did I mention – that I hadn't had time to verbalize my feelings for Ron, before this point? - - Of course I didn't say anything … I'm a terrible at that kind of thing. - Besides … he should have known without me telling him (boys are suppose to read girls minds …right?)!

Harry meanwhile just shrugged his shoulders at this news (I don't think he believed me either) as he pulled off his bloodied robes, and then his t-shirt, before he dropped his trousers - exposing everything. Apparently he went about (that entire day) without Grundies (underwear). - "Jealous?" he then asked Ron.

"Nah, not anymore; seen your 'dangly-bits' too many times in the showers to feel envy" Ron said coming out of his shocked stupor. "It's not your lack of size that'll get you into girl's knickers- 'old boy', it's your bloody_ ' _wealth and fame_ ' _that'll do that".

Harry thought it over for a-bit_ and then smiled (a little) in agreement.

"Hermione wants your 'willy' desperately, we both know that_ and in time she'll get you. You two most likely want to share a bath; get reacquainted and all …maybe a victory shag? - But if you don't mind I'll pass on a front row seat while you two are 'bunking up' - - and instead: I'll just take my leave." Ron said in a sad resigned tone

Harry nodded again, but this time he was clearly displeased with Ron's lack of perceptiveness over the girlfriend issue. With Harry standing in all his 'scrawny' glory by the roman tub, I became the first adult female to see him fully naked. That he wasn't embarrassed …that he didn't seem to care, that he didn't have a stiffy …only underscored his view, that we were no more that unrelated by blood siblings, – And since Shell Cottage I'm perfectly fine with that. - Harry wants me as a sister … all well and good. - Convincing Ron that I had changed my mind (at eighteen) in regards to my romantic aspiration was a very different issue. In any event Harry was too tired to argue anymore.

Ron turned to leave as Harry walked slowly into the steaming tub sighing with relief. - Meanwhile I had to take charge of the situation in regards to Ron. "Ronald Bilius" I shouted in my best (don't mess with me) angry tone – "You stay where you are."

He paused mid-step and said. "I rather not watch my two closet friends have hot-tub sex. – It's a tad too 'pervy' for my tastes", Ron said with a resigned look on his face.

"Ronald Bilius; if I do decide to have sex in the Prefect's bath, right now … it will be Harry that does the watching", I said as seductively as I could … (Hey give me a break here) it was my first time saying anything even remotely sexy.

Again I had rendered Ron speechless (this is getting to be fun) I just smiled and then I started taking off my robes off. "Now strip down, we'll talk about or new relationship in the bath."

"I'd rather not" Ron protested weakly.

"I fully agree … can't you two talk this over elsewhere, I'm really done in", Harry said and naturally I ignored him as this was important to Ron and I, our future as a couple was at stake.

"Ronald Bilius … Harry was never my boyfriend … he doesn't fancy me. - As I told you at Shell Cottage I had a_ _**gotcha**_ _moment … a huge revelation of romantic clarity. Harry has over the last three years made it crystal clear that he does not fancy my type … not even a tiny fraction as much as you clearly do. _Seriously; how many times did anyone at Hogwarts ask me out?

"Exactly twice", Harry interjected his eyes closed – fighting to stay awake

"What you did for me at Malfoy Manor and later at Shell Cottage has finally made it clear to me that it is you that I should fancy and I vowed as I recovered in your brothers cottage; … that I would prove my newly found feelings for you - on your body, directly after the war … but that's for later - obviously. - For right now; we need to talk, so strip down and get in the tub … NOW!"

Ron ever so reluctantly nodded in silent agreement and started to remove the blood covered- 'hand me down'_ semi-rags that pretended to be his clothing, leaving on only his patched boxers. I was at first very disappointed; as I wanted to see the Meat! (There was a commercial … on the telly … oh, never mind) - - anyway I did get what I wanted (outlined anyway) because cotton boxers cling to a blokes body when wet (they also become deliciously transparent) - - ironically proving in more than one way, why Ron's wand was bigger. - We are talking a stonking packet here … SO YUMMY"

 **Hey** … Have I surprised you? - - well, believe it or not … I'm not even remotely the big prude that everyone thinks I am (I'm just very picky about who gets my goods) - - That's another thing concerning my Ron, he does what I ask him to do, far more often than Harry (and that's really significant)

Meanwhile I removed my everyday jeans and top, striping down to my (plain Jane) bra and knickers. Now I've seen some (post-war) 'Fan art' of me (Harry has it too) and most of it makes me look like a centerfold model …and yes … I know what a center fold is (I mean honestly!) some little kids drawings have me as a stick-figure – others have my measurements exaggerated to the point of hysterical levels. – Bullocks, all of it!

My point is … I've always been very insecure about my body (most girls are) - For some unexplainable reason I felt conflicted in the Prefect's bath … I wanted Ron to see (what little figure - I have) but at the same time I didn't want Harry to see it … (does that make any sense?) - - This whole bath 'thingy' was yet another of my not so brilliant ideas, which I didn't properly think all the way through, before I set things in motion. - Ron then locked and muted the door_ and took a last bite of his sandwich before stepping into the water.

Shortly there-afterward Harry (to my horror) discovered that my bra turns transparent in water. He rolled his eyes at me when he pointed this out; chuckling softly as I fidgeted, both hands now covering my admittedly small breasts (32b) which meant I was unable to reach for a hand towel. "Go ahead, show Ron your … 'bee sting' sized fun-bags", he said with a casual sigh. (As if he's seen them countless times) "You've already warped me for life as it is."

Although I felt insulted by Harry's comment (my breasts aren't that tiny) truthfully; I can't compare to the way Cho or Ginny fill out a jumper. - In fact; I hadn't gotten the opportunity to show 'anyone' my bare bosom (not yet anyway) so my breast_ ' _ **size**_ ' _can't be the reason for me to be freaking-out? _Could it be that; Ron seeing my … for the first time, could that … him … seeing my … was that why I was so nervous.

Logically, my behavior makes no sense; I had sun bathed plenty of times on the topless beaches of Monaco on Holiday, with my parents. - Secondly: I often went-about without a bra; not that anyone beside Seamus noticed … I preferred instead several tee-shirts under a blouse. - If the truth was told, I didn't need to wear a bra; but as I got older, I started wearing one again (in self-defense) after catching Seamus straining hard while looking at my jumper covered chest for any sign of pokies (that Irishman was a consistent, pervert).

So I went back to covering my bosom and here I was removing said item, in a 'Prefect tub' and marveling at the idea that I was topless in a hot tub with a mostly naked Ron and a very naked Harry Potter. A year ago, the chances of this happening were about the same as Snape joining the royal ballet to play the black swan. But I've grown up loads during the last few years (war tends to do that) and not just physically, although that was possibly the catalyst, but mentally as well.

Sometimes you have to accept that you can't win every battle. A house-elf named Tweaky taught me that. I tricked her into freedom. She started drinking shortly after that, and it was touch and go for a while as to whether she would even survive. Ron found out what I'd done and saved her – and me, he does that a lot; with Tweaky happily enslaved to his bloodline. - I'm not a fan of elf enslavement … but regretfully; freedom for them would automatically translate into racial suicide. - And that is even a worse idea.

It took Harry a lot of effort to help me 'get-over' what I had almost done – (killed a house-elf) and I needed a long talk with the elf in question for me to come to terms with this 'elf culture' mind-set. It was a hard lesson that I will never forget. I was mad at Ron for a-bit, thinking that there had to be another way, but there wasn't and now both my friends have a house-elf _ like the troll incident years earlier: Ron, Harry and I had been a lot closer since Tweaky's near death.

On a positive note, Tweaky has dramatically changed Ron's life, his clothing and flat are now spotlessly clean and his house elf is ecstatically happy because Ron (as a normal boy) is a messy slob. During the camping trip we saw each other in various states of undress in the tent (before Ron left) – which means I got to see on a daily basis the barely held together nature of Ron's hand me downs. After a while you do become somewhat desensitized to the rags Ron wore.

I saw Harry's far newer Y-fronts when he slept with me on the coldest of winter nights (for warmth reasons only) and the difference was striking - Of course when Ron came back that first time and he saw the widened cot pulled next to the heating stove … he knew we were sharing a bed, I wanted to say something and yet, I didn't. The next morning he was gone … again.

(Dammit)

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To be continued … maybe

 ****If** **Jeconais is okay with this, I'll keep going. He's got his own website and I've forgotten the username for both of my accounts. So I can't ask permission in advance (like I usually do). The slightest objection from him and I'll pull this in a heartbeat.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 2

Original title: Princess by **Jeconais** (from his abandoned section)

I write as if I am performing in a stage play – with noticeable gaps and pauses (theatrical beats) to simulate actual spoken dialog. Before you ask; I do know that my spelling sucks and my grammar is atrocious.

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(Sorry; went off on a side tangent again … where were we? Ah yes the Prefect tub) "So, Potter, explain," was all I said.

And he did. For thirty minutes he sat with his head back, tears running down his face, as he recited in a dispassionate voice exactly how he had defeated Voldemort. I'm not going to go through those memories again. Ron and I are the only two people who will ever know what really happened in the woods … and then the courtyard, and that's enough.

*** (naturally) - Requests for information about that fateful night were flatly denied, but I did write a tidied up version under the pseudonym of Rowling (I didn't want people to come after me to write more) that was widely published - for the few people who really did need to know. And that was it ***.

Ron was at Harry's side (at the end) keeping his word, (the loyal git) but his focus was on the other Death Eater bodyguard's that Riddle brought with him. - Ron's was determined not to let that scum attack Harry from behind… and he did that. - History will never acknowledge that Ron was there and he's surprisingly good with that. He had lost all desire for personal fame during fourth year. At the end of it (Harry's last battle narrative) we three hugged, as Harry started to let it go.

As strong as he is in courage – for a scrawny seeker (that is) - Harry is even stronger in his resolve. All that turmoil that he went through growing up and the things at Hogwarts; like Cedric and Sirius's death, forced him to become the adult at a really young age.

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As I got out of the bath, praying for some return to modesty and with that solely in mind; Ron had gotten out of the bath ahead of me and was waiting for me, 'holding out' his magically cleaned (scourgify) multi-patched and worn thin shirt, while diverting his eyes. That he did that for me spoke volumes. (I mean honestly) It was the best he had to offer, and I was deeply touched. –

As I covered myself, I got a strange thrill from wearing a bit of Ron's clothing. I already had several of his outgrown Weasley jumpers, which I wore with permission … but never any of Harry's clothing – (a Freudian slip …maybe) – However; this was different. - It felt like Ron was marking territory (and that thought was …Scary!)

Actually; the thing that was most upsetting - was that Ron (still in his wet transparent boxers) took the time to dry my legs (his shirt hung down to my knees so my 'lady bits' were fully covered). He used a transfigured rag that he had changed into a clean terry-towel. Drying my legs … felt (to me) like an intimate touch; a semi-caress that aroused me something fierce. –

After my abysmal dating experiences; with Viktor and Cormac … (just sad) for neither of them had gotten me feeling even remotely … 'Randy'. - I began to wonder if I could even feel arousal even Harry did nothing for me … that way. - So I was naturally frightened by sudden sensation of desperation (gagging for it) … having a few hot erotic dreams at Shell Cottage was one thing; but going off the trolley 'with lust' while awake, was for me … terrifying. I actually had to fight back the urge to attack Ron on the spot, such loving tenderness, such a heartfelt gesture (by him) and I was … 'almost' undone.

Anyway; my virtue and reputation was saved by the fact that an exhausted Harry, had fallen into a deep sleep while soaking in the tub, so taking a-hold of myself and ruthlessly suppressing carnal desires that no one suspected (including me) that I had. - I levitated Harry's dripping-wet naked-self out of the tub and magically dried and redressed him (once again; seeing him naked did nothing to me … drat it all) and then with Harry gently snoring while floating before us … Ron and I went in search of any bedroom still intact.

We found a room with a working stove and two beds with everything else in the place reduced to a pile of wooden fragmented wreckage. I put Harry to bed while Ron sorted the rubble and cleared a space around the stove. He then patched the broken windows while I started a fire in the stove. - I remember looking at the last remaining intact bed with ambiguity and concern, still emotionally torn by my conflicting feelings. Ron must have noticed my torment, as he piled two half ruined mattress; one atop the other onto the floor and pulled it next to the stove on the far side from the empty bed. – By unspoken agreement the last bed was mine.

He plopped down onto the stacked mattresses and magically sorted the remaining rubble of furniture into a neat pile to feed the fire, which lasted the entire night. I was warm enough physically, but at the same time I felt cold and alone … I was so close to a source of comfort but afraid to make use of it, because of what it might mean in the long-term.

The next morning I awoke to find Ron's mattress repositioned so that it was up against the outside doorway. - He was instinctively protecting the two of us (well … me primarily) although I felt deeply touched by the gesture, again I found myself tongue tied when it came to verbalizing my sincere gratitude. - When we emerged, dressed (the next day) we hugged again, and got back to the chore of sorting-out, our post-war lives.

Ron and I then had a semi embarrassing chat over breakfast where I made a rather weak case of us being together. - The downside, as Ron rightfully pointed out … was all the things that we both had to do, before we could even remotely, have an official first date… (Highly discouraging) Because of what happened in the tent (when I chose Harry over him) and the hurt feeling and misunderstandings that followed … resulting in an extended period of time apart. I really didn't get to sort out everything with Ron until years later.

No; I didn't keep my vow to shag him either … it kept being postponed (his love for me was so powerful … and I had ambitions … career all planed out – I felt very conflicted).

And then he had the gall to say - on the day I left for Australia, that I was free to date anyone I fancied. That if our post Potter …war-time romance was fated to happen; I would know where to find him. No swearing on my magic to be faithful – no requirement to write him. (Why would he do that?)

So naturally I was in a highly confused state, when I left on the tenth of May and it literally took me all summer to find my parents, restore their memories and begin to make amend for what I did to them. - I barely got back in time for my repeat year at Hogwarts. For a year and a half my only contact with Ron was through infrequent letters.

Ron did offer the flat he shared with George for a place for me to stay over Christmas, as the Burrow was gone (destroyed by Death Eaters during the occupation) and the new Burrow (much smaller) wouldn't be finished in time for the holidays. - Add to that was the fact that my family was still living in Australia (by choice this time) - Ron was being more than generous (as usual) but I had to decline his offer as I was backlogged in my reviewing for the two year N.E.W.T.'s level degree program.

For a bit; because I was often too busy to write … I suspected that he thought I hadn't been serious about the relationship 'thingy' that I had sprung on him (out of the blue) during the Prefect bath. – That my lack of regular correspondence was an indication (on my part) of a lack of any further interest in him. –

Ginny kept insisting to me (at Hogwarts) that my infrequent letters meant that I was looking over the local talent (available boys) on the market in the hope of finding something better. She was right to a point; I did test my newly discovered feelings with time and distance. - Furthermore; I kept putting off a proper explanation concerning why I had chosen Harry in the tent … or more importantly, the revelation of 'Shell Cottage' and how that 'gotcha moment' was seriously threatening a 'life plan' that dated back to when I was ten. A plan wherein I focused exclusively on my career, with next to zero romantic entanglements, especially with intellectual inferiors

His letters (to me) always arrived by owl-post … exactly twelve hours after I would get around to sending him one (Hey … did I mention that I was super busy) anyway … his letters were always uplifting and encouraging without even hinting at anything more than a extra close friendship. - Translation: he didn't put any pressure on me … especially romantically. He was setting me free to explore other options, by being a somewhat distant and respectful; perfect gentleman. - I didn't know that a bloke like Ron even existed outside of the pages of a Romance novel.

Sensing this artificial distance in him – I tried to subtly encourage (half-heartedly) an implied romantic connection in my letters; although gauging the effects on Ron (I failed miserably) without a face to face encounter was both difficult and often frustrating. I can write ten feet of parchment on an obscure spell, but when it comes to a love letter …I'm clueless (it's not in my skill set …okay?). - One of my few achievements during these owl-post exchanges was in getting Ron to think about getting therapy, as he admitted to having war related nightmares in his letters to me.

I worried about Harry too on that issue. – He had emotionally pulling back, now that the war is over … he clearly has PTSD and survivors guilt (something horrible) … far worse than Ron. I have issues too, fear of ending up abandoned again – (alone and unloved) being the worst. - I occasionally experienced panic attacks over this issue. I try very hard now to make friends, but I instinctively rub people the wrong way.

(Do you hear that, 'put me on a pedestal people' … I'AM Flawed … mortal …human)

Anyway; to combat my abandonment issues I have tried some (disastrous) causal dating, but my instinctive ability to rub men the wrong way has resulted in very few second date offers. This was my childhood anti-social attitudes coming back to haunt me. - I tend to look down my nose at intellectual inferiors (mostly men) and it takes someone very special to look beyond my often arrogant demeanor.

Oddly enough …the ' _golden trio_ ' are just three of- 'countless dozens' -of the Riddle war veterans, trying to cope with their own post war trauma and social interacting issues (not at all the fairy tale ending that most people expected for us hero's … is it?). Knowing Ron as I do; I just knew that he was suppressing his trauma by being there for me and his family – especially George.

Separated from his best mate Ron, I don't have any idea how Harry coped while at the Auror academy (he only rarely answered my owl posts – with a few lines of his own) I consider myself to be the luckiest of the trio – because I had medical healers in two countries feeding me dreamless sleep potions so I at least got the 'rest' I needed, to carry on.

Surprisingly, - Harry hasn't really dated all that much (after the war), and as a national celebrity; one would think he would attract girls like moths to a flame. – Of course he was in the Auror academy (like a monk in a monastery for almost two years) so no dating then … but after he got out, I was amazed to learn … casual dating at first, but long term girlfriends … none.

Okay then … parents found and somewhat sorted … graduated top of my class (with honors) … hired by the (M.O.M) 'ministry of magic' in a good position with a nice gaffer and healthy pay bucket. Check…check and double check. – Once I was settled into a flat of my own; I began to reconnect with Ron and that went far slower than I expected. He had opened a shop of his own after Angelina had taken over being George's principal caretaker and lover.

Naturally: Angelina had taken Ron's place at the Joke shop, but in gratude for all Ron had done to get him (and the shop) back on their feet, George had given the entire content of Fred's Gringotts vault to Ron (nearly 5K in goblin gold) to open his own shop. Sadly; George couldn't bring himself to touch Fred's money. This unexpected windfall took place within days of my return to Hogwarts and Ron used Fred's gold it to buy into a partnership with an existing Wizarding chess shop with a very elderly proprietor in failing health.

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My problem in reconnecting with Ron more than a year after the war was that he had read all of the Daily Prophets' exaggerated accounts of my dating; (both here and in Australia) some of which actually happened; while others …a-lot of others, were simply made up by that rotten bug Skeeter. And he had naturally determined that I had moved-on.

It was an easy mistake to make as I had experienced the dating scene and found that it left a bitter taste in my mouth. My intellectual peers were boring and opinionated (the same flaws my dorm mates accused me of). The rich ones thought they had the right to bed me, simply because they took me to an expensive restaurant and the vain super-handsome blokes, loved their reflections more than any mortal woman.

However I rapidly realized that all my dates had one personality trait in common, none of them had any real interest in my life and all they wanted was to share my bed (occasionally) the house-hold bills and an address. To me that was more akin to cohabitation than a genuine relationship. Frankly; I wanted more than an empty suit. With each disappointment my mind kept going back to my Shell Cottage- 'gotcha' -moment and the intensity of feelings that I had for Ron at the end of the war. Coming to the correct conclusion about dating was easy …I had enjoyed more genuine fun in Ron's company as friends, than during any of my so-called romantic dates.

I had sown my wild oats … played the field, gained my experiences and found it wanting. Two years of dating and I finally knew with absolute certainly who I wanted to spend my life with. He had his flaws, but the pros greatly outweighed the cons. And so it came to pass that nearly two years after the war (April 2001) I began to be ever so subtly increase my face to face interactive dealings with Ron. –

The three of us (the trio) got together for a bi-weekly dinner or a trip into Muggle London for lunch, but due to our differences in work professions we had somehow begun to drift apart. Harry and I could still share an occasional lunch at the Ministry, but Ron was a shopkeeper. To counteract this trend, I found reasons to be at his shop at closing time and we'd share a fry-up in his flat. We sit and talk for hours (just the two of us) and although he made no move on me - by the end of the evening I felt so relaxed and contented I soon began to regret going home to my empty flat.

So, by calculated design, Ron and I started out as 'old friends' getting together (without Harry) now and then, just to spend time together. - I was still engaged in casual and often ill advised ventures in the dating scene with some co-workers at the Ministry - (remember) it had been Ron who told me when I left for Australia to see other people. To date anyone I fancied. So in the final analysis all these delays were entirely Ron's fault (you knew this was coming) Men make the first moves and if the pass is unsuccessful it's the bloke's failure.

The more time I spent with him, the less time I enjoyed being without him. If Ron felt that he had his shot at me (and missed the quaffle) then it was up to his progressive-minded best-friend to go all proactive and change his mind. Therefore; I literally began baby stepping my relationship with Ron from close casual friendship back to something more intimate. This took more time than expected; due to several 'minor' missteps on my part, as I had never 'pursued' a boy/man before. - I encountered several other delays, primarily because; there isn't a single book that I've found that gives any useful advice on courtship with an adorable and emotionally insecure git.

Bottom line here is … I am not a damsel in distress waiting in a tower to be rescued, when I determined logically what I wanted; then as any rational modern-witch would …I made a detailed plan to get it (him) … most of the time, my long-term plans are successful.

I fully concede that I'm rubbish when it comes to expressing my-own feelings (ironic isn't it?) after all the times I berated Ron for not expressing his feelings for me (as a teenager) and yet, at the ripe age of twenty-one, my aggressive pursuit of Ron encountered loads of awkwardness (speed bumps); precisely because his overwhelming feelings still frightened me … a-little. - That he refused to pressure me, that he let me set the pace … didn't help matters. I am basically a logical thinker and an excellent planner and have no problems in expressing my views about cold-hard facts - but when it comes to emoting my own feeling of love, I get tongue tied. - -

The main point here; was my belated discovery of the overwhelming benefits there are to be found in having a deeply devoted supporter/ companion at my side; like - **my** \- Ron. When at long last we managed to make the connection … the first time he kissed me (on the mouth) he actually apologized, as for my reaction … I just grabbed him by the collar and snogged him senseless. Being in his arms is hard to describe …the peace of mind I feel, the happiness … the sense of security, the mind blowing, fantastic … **sex**. - -

Oh Yes; I did finally get around to my Shell Cottage vow, it took nearly three years worth of effort instead of a few day's; but_ 'Oh Sweet Merlin', was- **my** -Ron worth the wait. When he got down to business, he had a blissful ability to make me- _**see the stars**_. He is (in fact) totally dedicated to my pleasure… even at the expense of his own. –

It took me far longer than it should have (and loads more than three dates) to get to a 'Legover' with Ron, In spite of all the loads of books I've read on the subject, actually experiencing an orgasm given by someone who loves you beyond measure … is pure nirvana. – I know I sound like a child with a favorite toy that I desperately want to share; a feeling of pure bliss - that everyone, especially Harry should experience on a daily basis … just- **not** -with me; naturally.

*Which is all-the back story you'll need; to understand my greatest idea… my biggest mistake; that almost cost me everything, on _ **THE DAY**. Another plan of mine that I didn't think through … when I decided to get Harry Potter… ' **l** **ai** **d'**.

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To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 3

Original title: Princess by **Jeconais** (from his abandoned section)

I write as if I am performing in a stage play – with noticeable gaps and pauses (theatrical beats) to simulate actual spoken dialog. Before you ask; I do know that my spelling sucks and my grammar is atrocious.

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I was so happy and content with Ron's sexual skill set, that I found myself unusually aggressive in my desires to engage in carnal activities, (doesn't sound like me … I know) but Ron is really that good. The git thinks that there are other wizards (out there) that are more everything (but especially) more sexually skillful, than him. Total Bullocks; I say. He never adds into his calculation the overwhelming love factor. I'm so lucky.

And that's why I'm so determined that my 'second-best' male friend (after Ron of course) should experience the joys of sex like I am. After all, the professional Auror Harry is young, rich, good looking, overly polite and honorable. And yet, he puts up with me and Ron being lovey-dovey one minute and down-right physical (tearing each other's clothing off) the next. - The later being the reason for Ron getting his own flat … as it turns out - I'm a-bit of a screamer (I'm blushing really hard here)

The only downside to Harry (as a date) which I can think of - is his seeker physique, which my Ron affectionately calls; his favorite- ' _scrawny git_ '. Although he is noticeably shorter than my Ron, Harry has also over time; become less than trustful of my gender's magical gold diggers. He's been burned several times, since getting out of the academy - by witches who desire only the fame that comes from telling all the 'gory' details of their date with Harry (highly exaggerated, I might add) to the Wizarding newspapers.

It was the day after Easter and just short of the third anniversary of Harry's defeat of Voldemort at the battle of Hogwarts … that I decided that something had to be done about Harry's love-life. - -As I said before; Harry has been far to tense for my liking, which is a little weird, because he's been 'sort-of' channeling his father short fused-temper recently – or so people (like Minerva) have told me. When he talks to me or Ron, he can be completely charming … at ease - relaxed. As the- _boy who lived celebrity_ -at Hogwarts or as an Auror, he is considered aloof and a-tad standoffish.

Harry has always been a very private person and that (without doubt) has also contributed to his he still virgin status at almost twenty-one. He is just not the type that wanted his first time to be reported (in minute detail) on the front page of the_ ' _ **Prophet**_ '.

It's only when he's around his diehard fans; I have them too, but Ron doesn't (which is really odd). It's when Harry's surrounded by these fanatics /worshipers that he's not so charming, and really, even then, it's the primarily the slightly older witches (over twenty-three) that he's justifiably hostile towards. His first date after the war was 'only' a get-together for dinner, and yet on the front page of the_ _Prophet_ _the following morning the girl (who will remain nameless) swore that she had sex with Harry and the hero was 'allegedly' horrible in bed.

That theme (bad in bed) was repeated again and again by witches that were unable to correctly describe the interior of Harry's flat or that he had a flat-mate at the time (my Ron) which caused those Minger's stories to fall apart rather quickly – there were (eventually) newspaper retractions of all these sensational stories about these 'fake-news' sex scandals… (But; they appeared on page nine … in very small print) - Were these slag's 'one by one' totally embarrassed … yes - did they get hexed by me – (of course) and highly enjoyable it was too.

But regretfully the damage was done.

It should be understood that at this stage of- the plan - I was taking the actions I took, on the general 'assumption' that Harry (at age twenty plus) was still inexperienced in the ways of the flesh (Coitus). - - I knew for a fact that while I was at Hogwarts and dating Ravenclaw's (disappointing on multiple levels) an event that merited a photo spread in the- _**Daily Prophet**_ – that my (not yet mine) Ron was engaging in ' _knees tembler_ ' copulation with at least two different (unnamed) witches. - I know this because I bluntly asked him (his skill level in bed, indicated a-lot of practice) and he did not deny the accusation. – However; as much as I pressed him on the issue, he refused to this day to (kiss and tell) and inform me of the identity of the birds he had repeated bonked.

(Apparently; I wasn't the only one sowing wild oats)

In this time-frame (post war) while Ron and I were both seeing other people …meanwhile – our dear Harry had become 'allegedly' devoutly celibate, as suddenly ... no girl was good enough. After that surprising announcement to Ron over dinner and apart from me, and occasionally Ginny and Luna, Harry never let the fun to be around Potter come out to play. - That he literally walked away from all dating – (and sex) - for an entire year, which led me to the obvious conclusion that Harry really needed to get laid.

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"Ronald?" I asked formally.

"Hermione?" - He replied in kind, while looking up and smiling love at me. It was his lopsided smile that I adored; it says that he can't quite believe that he belongs to me, and that he'll do everything he can to keep me happy. I love him, even if we do sometimes argue … (it's how we flirt) - besides; make-up sex is really intense.

"We need to find Harry a girlfriend. He needs to get laid", I stated firmly

Ron placed his inventory records book down and looked at me. "Yes to the first part as Harry needs someone special in his life _and no the second part … as in that bit, is none of our business," he said in total seriousness. "I'm not sure how he's been relieving the pressure – maybe he's wanking in the shower or has a vivid imagination. But I really-really think it's unwise to do an intervention concerning his sex-life; no matter how tense he's been recently."

"Part of that is down to the fact that he's venerated by the public," candor forced me to admit.

"If you mean worshiped …yeah, well …I guess that's part of it", Ron replied. "I can't deny that I'm always in a much better mood after we snuggle for a-bit … can you just imagine what a slap and tickle or a Gob-job would do for Harry mental state? - - Just out of curiosity, who do you have in mind… my sister, Ginny?"

"Would you be okay with that?" I asked him. "We've all become a lot closer since we officially became a couple, four months ago. - I do get along with her during holiday gatherings at the rebuilt ' _Burrow'._ Can you handle walking in on them having sex, or a topless Ginny, wandering about in Harry's kitchen when we 'Apparate' in … unexpectedly?"

He closed his mouth and looked thoughtful. I have no idea when he learned to do that - to actually think before he says something, and I suspect it was something Harry said, as it happened soon after there was a slight disagreement between the two of them, with Ron a hour later; came home (his flat) sporting a bruise on his cheek …

(Although; exactly how Harry reached up so high 'without jumping' remains a mystery to me)

"You know that my sister is a starter with the - ' _Harpies'_ \- and professional Quidditch players … the really good ones have groupies-fans like Krum did", he said to me. - - "Meaning, she has been on loads of dates with rich gits hoping to score with her. So it naturally follows, that she would be the more experienced of the two. - - Secondly) It's mid-season now, so she'd be busy with practice and out of town Matches … leaving little time for a serious relationship. - - No, the only real objection I could think of; would be their past history, Harry dated her at school for a bit and then broke-up with her; before our Horcrux hunt camping trip".

"All good points" I agreed.

"He went right into the Auror academy after the Riddle war" (nearly a three year separation) Ron continued. – "Meanwhile Ginny went back to school (with you) and after graduation; went straight into the- _Harpies_. They have drifted apart certainly, but I think … Harry would be up for it" Ron said and then he paused for even more thought before saying: "Whether Ginny could handle a re-match is a different matter."

"I agreed", I said. "I love that girl, but she has major anger issues. "You have a temper, we both know that … but you are also quick to forgive and forget, whereas Ginerva holds grudges forever. - - Luckily; I wasn't really thinking of her anyway - well, not quite."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Harry liked Cho and Ginny at school, right?" I said.

Ron nodded.

"There could be a lot of reasons in favor of Ginny, they shared Quidditch interests _and I think part of the whole Cho 'thingy' was because Cedric had her, and he really looked up to Cedric." I said

"Nope,"

"What?" I replied, genuinely surprised?

"Harry had the hots for Cho; (on the train to school in September) way before he even knew that she and Cedric were dating".

"Yes … that's right; I remember now. So his attraction to both was based solely on their participation in Quidditch, but that criteria for a bunk-up will only work for Ginny, who plays professionally for the- _Harpies_. - Cho didn't turn pro after graduation. Thankfully I have already decided against Ginny – so we should throw away any preconceptions and do this logically."

Ron sighed and smiled playfully at me. "Explain."

"We find out what sort of body type he likes, and then we find a girl that fits."

"WE… oh no – I want not part of this plan of yours. – I think this is a really bad idea - Besides, I think Harry is more than capable of finding his own nookie … if he even wants some chuff, right now?", Ron said slowly and carefully, a sign that he thinks I'm slightly nuts, but will back me up anyway. - "First off, I thought you told me that personality was more important than looks in a lasting relationship?"

"Normally it is, but we're trying to get him laid, not married."

"Then hire a pro…"

"A prostitute … you can't be serious, think of possible STD's risks" I shot back

"Right, no hookers - just a highly experience amateur, that alone will greatly reduce the risk of diseases", He sarcastically retorted. – "Hermione sweetheart …think about what you're proposing. -You're looking for a girl that will only want a ' _one night stand_ ' or two with a national Hero … Bad-bad idea!"

"Secondly; how are we going to get any information on Harry's current preferences when it comes to birds? He went from Cho (jet black hair; Asian) to my sister (Celtic with freckles and hair that's: fire engine Red). - - Finally; I can't get you this vital 'Intel' through casual questioning …as we both know that Harry (the Auror) can normally see through me in about two and a half seconds", Ron said candidly

I nodded; that's all quite true …Harry has been getting more and more perceptive – which goes hand in hand with being a great Auror. But as always, I had planned for this. – "We use Pornography."

Ron blinks, and then turns white, as his ears turned red. "We use …what" he squeaked?

"I sent off for some pornography," I explained. "There's a lot of it out there, mainly Muggle, so that's what I ordered."

"You've already put this plan into motion, before talking it out with me … by ordering pornography … for Harry?"

My Ron can be so loveably slow at times. "Yes – dear_ and I've also ordered a half-dozen lingerie catalogs, so that our gift can be properly wrapped", I paused as he looked at me with utter astonishment. "I'm not actually thinking of giving him the lingerie catalogs. There are a few things in those - a few outfits - that I think would look good on …me!"

Ron's eyes lit up and he lost his train of thought … or, whatever argument he was planning on using. - He's a dazzling analytical decision maker, he's always thinking five moves ahead, - so the ONLY way to beat that (I'm a linear thinker and I have never defeated him at chess) is to distract him (with sex) from finding flaws in my always brilliant plans.

"I've charmed the pages," I continued, as Ron studied intently one of the lingerie catalogs. "So that I'll be able to tell what pictures he looks at the most, for how long and what parts of the girls he fancies most. Then we'll just find the nearest matching witch in London."

Ron slowly shakes his head to clear it. "And how are you going to give him the pornography?"

"Simple. You say I found it at your new flat (above your_ **Black Knight** _chess shop), and you reluctantly admitted that it was yours. - I got mad (naturally) and I've demanded that you throw it out. - You then tell Harry it was George's who actually found it in Fred's old room (at their flat above the joke shop) under his bed while getting the place ready for Angelina to move in. Dear Fred, rest his soul … actually was a-bit pervy. So that part works _and yes, you'll be a-tad embarrassed as he'll expect and as it's dealing with owl-post pornography, he won't work out that you're lying", I said in one of my more; convoluted ramblings.

"Simple; yes … foolproof, NO" - he counter. "Why not avoid the deception and just give it to him directly?"

"Please," I replied, rolling my eyes, "Hermione Granger with pornography? I don't think so. - - Now, come to bed." It was a little unfair of me to end a conversation like that, but he wasn't exactly complaining.

88**88

The next day, I was under Harry's invisibility cloak when he appeared in the middle of Ron's tiny flat … with move-in boxes scattered everywhere.

"Harry," my boyfriend greeted him nervously. "I'm glad you came; I wanted to talk to you in private."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, look-here." Ron said as he passed him the pile of magazines. I was very thorough in my choice. The age range is from eighteen to thirty-four, and covers all body types and genetic heritage. There's not much of a difference between Japanese, Vietnamese and Chinese, with European and Indian also somewhat similar … but I covered them all, just the same.

Harry looked at the magazines, and then looked at Ron. "Been collecting?"

Ron blushed furiously. "George gave them to me, they are part of Fred's collection," he explained as his ears turned bright red (something Auror Harry would automatically notice), "George apparated the-lot into my flat in a move-out box … while I was out. - He did this I imagine as some sort of weird prank to get me into trouble with Hermione. And …Well, after losing Fred … that he's up to pulling pranks again (at all) - is a positive sign of recovery … isn't it?

"Yes it is Ron; Angelina is having a good effect on him, especially if George can do something like this." Harry said chuckling a little at Ron's discomfort, - - "I assumed it worked and your taking the piss from Hermione, was all part of his prank. - Naturally she was beyond furious …the whole nine yards of the; _'aren't I enough for you_ – outrage?' Harry asked with a rare smile of amusement.

"Oh she's mad as blazes, alright. She found them right off, ripped into me good and proper, before ordering me to get rid of them, immediately. She refuses to move in with me, until they are gone."

Harry nodded. "Thorough, aren't they?" he asked as he glanced through the covers.

Ron shrugged, "I'm not really motivated to look through them," he admitted. "These girls can't hold a candle to the girl I've fancied like mad since fourth year..."

"Now that I can fully believe", Harry said

I decided to kiss him (Ron) for that later.

"So..." Harry prompted.

"So … do you want them? They're only going to be thrown away otherwise. And well, you're still single..."

I wondered if men were even capable of finishing sentences.

"… Nah," Harry eventually decided. "It wouldn't be right."

There was that basted honor of his. And in reaction Ron sighed in defeat. "Harry, Angelina sent me a note that said that George put a charm on the pages so they have to be viewed … one at a time or they will reappear in my lounge in spite of being binned."

( _Where did that bit come from_?) I asked myself

"Really?" Harry asked with a surprised look on his face.

"Yes," Ron said. - "That's the torture of this prank … someone has to look through them and I can't … looking at it would be like cheating on Mione. If you don't take them off my hands, they'll keep appearing on my coffee table and Hermione will keep getting really-really mad. - Not at the poor depressed George, (of course) … still heartsick over losing Fred … but at me… she'll blame me". –

 _Did I mention that Ron is far better than I am, at thinking on his feet – he made it up … on the fly … the 'has to be viewed' bit … brilliant_ \- I said to myself.

"Just do me a favor here, look through them once and then toss them out. I just figured it'll give you something to do until you get off your lazy arse and get your own bird, - who will most likely do to you … what mine did and keep you away from this crap."

"Yes, okay … but you'll owe me big for this," Harry replied with a roll of his eyes as he picked the magazines'.

"Thanks." Ron said visibly relieved. "Can we never, ever, mention this again?" he pleaded.

"I think we'll all be happier that way," Harry agreed, and turning on the spot apparated back to his own (much larger) flat.

Ron collapsed into a chair and I removed the cloak. "Well done," I praised, kissing him.

He kissed me back and said: "this is going to back-fire on us, mark my words".

88**88

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 4

Original title: Princess by **Jeconais** (from his abandoned section)

 **Rated M** so as not to offend all those morality 'prigs' out there. Secondly: There is also adult level humor (in this tale) which will upset those that insist that all HP fan fiction be written for readers that are no more than twelve years of age. - Worst of all, Hermione is depicted as a m ortal that makes mistakes and that goes against ALL established (fan fiction) Cannon

I am at heart, a HUGE Ron fan. - An American trying to 'write' British and failing miserably.

 **Alternate universe** (AU): for obvious reasons that will jump out at you as you begin to read.

I write as if I am performing in a stage play – with noticeable gaps and pauses (theatrical beats) to simulate actual spoken dialog. Before you ask; I do know that my spelling sucks and my grammar is atrocious. If this offends you (and everything offends someone these days) then stop now and run away in dread.

I have been told (often) that my chapters are usually way too LONG. Which is true as I wrote this tale originally as two chapters and then (again as usual for me) added additional details (piled on) with all kinds of stuff. My goal was to make this more readable and so I've broken this up into three thousand words (more or less) blocks. This has not been easy for me for if you glance at some of my other works, you'll find chapters of ten to twelve thousand words each.

Anyway; enough with the chit-chat

On with the show

88**88

88**88

Two weeks later I started to analyze the results.

"So?" … Ron asked as he lounged on my bed. We were taking a break during the packing-up, of my far too numerous books into various sized moving boxes. - I too had a flat, in Muggle London (that I was in the process of moving out of), and as he rested, Ron was sorting his owl posts into two piles: bills and chess set orders.

"He's glanced at every page in every magazine", I said feeling rather smug. "Some of the pages he never looked at again - which was highly informative, as we don't actually know of any super-models or cinema starlets that attended Hogwarts and it would have been irritating to try and find one outside of the Wizarding world."

"I'm just grateful that he looked at everything, but my spell gives the impression of him flipping through some parts …rather fast. Some types of girls he never looked at more than once - which is dead useful, as it narrow's down the categories considerably. - So, first off, the red-heads …"

"Yes?" Ron asked, by now putting his accounts payable paperwork that he had just picked-up, completely down.

"A definite: no. There were eight red-heads in the collection; four of them had bodies that will be similar to Ginerva's over the next few years."

"And?"

"Not even a second glance."

"Poor Ginny," Ron replied sadly at first and then abruptly smiled happily.

"There is," I admitted reluctantly, "the slim chance that it was their similarity to his mother (she was a red-head too) that put Harry off, as his fling with Ginerva was way too close to an Oedipus complex fixation for my liking … but I'm discounting that theory now."

"Good to hear," Ron agreed sounding a-tad disquieted … probably just happy to be away from the subject of his baby sister naked at Harry's flat for a 'dirty weekend'.

"What I found to be most interesting, is that he spent almost no time at all on the Blondes in those magazines. There were over a dozen examples with all different body shapes and bosom sizes and he skipped over them faster than any other type".

"So… definitely no blondes", Ron said. "Now I didn't expect that".

"Me either", I continued, actually more than was a little surprised about the Blonde thingy. – "I also expected him to look a-lot more at the pictures of Asians with jet black 'pubes' - as Harry has a history of being attracted to that type. I had even prepared in advance - a good sized list of witches of Asian descent. I went into this thinking, Red or Black hair - that he isn't at all interested in either …is rather disturbing".

"That leaves Brunettes … which means YOU", - I heard Ron say (in a semi-growl) from over my shoulder. "Witches with brown hair are known to be reliable, responsible, serious, intelligent and exotic. It also means his claims of not wanting you, sexually; is a huge … **lie** "

"Not necessarily", I said while fighting back a panic attack. I certainly didn't want to revisit my failed pursuit of Harry or what happened in the tent while Ron was gone … for it was far more than just a simple dance … let me tell you. Rather than reopening old wounds - I instantly counter-attacked: "You are not taking into account the obvious personality conflicts that still exists between Harry and I. - That his not so secret nickname for me is- 'little mother' – which in-itself gives more than a tiny hint of our many-many issues. Witches with brown hair are also said to be warmhearted and approachable … do you really think that generalization applies to me?"

"I love frisky Brill's …", he said in a husky voice that sent chills down my spine.

"Later luv … later", I said and it took a-lot of willpower to keep my focus on the matter at hand. "Anyway, a statistical analysis shows that he is deeply attracted to brunettes, preferring those that were above 5' 3" and below 5' 7" - I managed to utter with some effort. My-dear Ron can really get me all hot and bothered with just a few words (that quickly) and I can't figure out if it's a blessing or a curse.

The taller girl range actually surprised me as Harry's only five foot five himself and Alfa males generally seem to avoid girls three inches taller than himself – besides: in high heels a 5'7" girl would stand almost six feet. - But maybe; Harry has 'finally' overcome his height sensitivity when it comes to witches and good on him…if true". –

"I rather doubt he's over the height thing", Ron said in semi-whisper, but I heard anyway.

"The statistical analysis also showed that my test subject (Harry) is pretty indifferent when it comes to boob size, but seems to likes bums; a lot, or should I say … A hell of a lot", I said in a genuinely surprised tone.

"Right," Ron replied, his voice a little choked. "So, Harry fancies mid-sized brunettes with, HUGE arses.

"Not huge … just firm and tightly sculptured, there is a big difference… you know?" - I insisted.

"Okay … good to know", Ron retorted apologetically. "What age group are we looking at?"

I had given that a lot of thought actually. "Post Hogwarts girls … I'd say no younger than say nineteen," I decided. "The whole point is to get him laid_ and he wouldn't feel comfortable bonking a girl a-lot younger than that."

"Luna?" he suggested.

"No," I replied instantly. "She's a nice girl, and a good friend, but she drives me mental. I do not want to be lounging around for an entire evening (half a year from now) as Luna cuddles with Harry, while jabbering 'on-and-on' about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks or something similarly imaginary. Besides, she is rarely in the country these days and she's more dirty blonde than true brunette."

"Hermione," Ron chided me in disapproving manner.

"I know; I'm being rude," I explained, a little embarrassed, "but whenever she is around us, she's ruddy barmy..."

Ron nodded. " … I know, Luv" - he said and let me off the hook.

My intolerance of delusional air-heads is not an aspect of my personality that I'm proud off. "So, the bottom line is this, Harry fancies short brunettes and I was, for the most part - unprepared for this apparent inconsistency. - I thought that his rejection of me would translate to an automatic dislike of all witches with brown hair. - Because of that misimpression, regretfully …my list for that type is embarrassingly short".

"There were plenty of girls at Hogwarts with Brown hair" Ron pointed out politely.

"But not that fit Harry's tight-bum specific criteria", I insisted. – "If he is 'still' overly height sensitive as you say, that reduces the list of suitable candidates to just one; Susan Bones."

"Are you sure about Susan?" he asked sounding curious

"Yes," I am. Susan's five foot three, a very pretty brunette, and possibly a good match intellectually for Harry as well. - She's a healer at Saint Mungo's hospital and a-tad of a workaholic and as she's two inches shorter than Harry, Susan is considered (by me) to be the perfect height. Susan is also a Hufflepuff, meaning she'll be almost as loyal to a lover as you have been to me. - She's two years older than Harry (another plus) and has a-lot more in the curves department than I do. She actually has a nicely sized, 'pear shaped', tight buttocks … whereas - I don't".

"I happen to like your tiny bum, it fits so nice in my hands", Ron said while looking with lust at my small bottom. And of course that look had an instant effect on me (let me tell you … being genuinely desired by a man like Ron - is a huge boost to a girls ego)

"Ron, please … I'm trying to explain this to you". and as I said that, I couldn't help but marvel how the last few months has changed me … just one look from him and I'm instantly horny (hardly the act of a witch that most people think of as prudish) - - "According to the Ministry gossip network (that I pay no attention to at work … but hear it anyway) Susan has been too busy at work to date much".

"So, just her … there are no other brunette candidates?" – My red-headed lover asked me while backing off from the carnal edge.

"We're going for really good looking girls, right? – so that narrows the field a-lot", I said.

"I suppose so", He replied

"Then Susan is at the very top of a really short list" I said with determination

"If you say so sweetheart, this is your pet project … not mine," Ron said softly. "I assume that there aren't that many pretty witches working in the Ministry that fit Harry's specific 'butt' criteria or you would have said so. The best looking brunette that I know personally … is you, and hopefully you're out-grown your fixation on Harry".

"Yes I have sweetheart" I said with all the sincerity I could muster.

He smiled warmly at me before continuing: "As for the single witches that come into my shop … they are either out of the required age range, way too tall or short, massively overweight with 'gigantic' bubble-butts, or haven't mastered their 'anti- **hag** ' charms."

"I could help with that," - I murmured absently and then wondered why Ron chuckled, "but magically changing a witch's appearance can back-fire big time. – Thankfully; I do have another candidate (in mind) one you might have deliberately overlooked."

"Who?" he asked

"Tracey Davis."

"Hermione, she's too tall and secondly, she's a Slytherin," Ron pointed out in a heated tone.

"So you have noticed her."

"Of course I did, (at Hogwarts) she was one of the few peers of Malfoy; that didn't openly boast of taking the dark mark. - Her entire family was allegedly neutral during the Riddle war and that alone made her stand out. - But her neutrality also means that neither side trusts her, she is therefore, socially untouchable in our culture as a date or in marriage. - I don't think there is a single pure-blood family that would allow them-selves to be seen in her company".

"That's not true, there is one, who …" I began.

"Leave him out of this", Ron replied. "However and just for the sake of argument, I will openly concede that after two years of being a social leper, I'm sure she would be desperate enough- 'at this point', to bonk a lamp-pole",

"Ronald, why do you have to be so, pervy … I mean honestly?" I slightly snarled.

"From what I remember while watching her from the Gryffindor table", Ron said. "Tracey's butt is half the size of Susan's and if Harry is into buns (big time) – wouldn't Bones arse as a 'Puff', be 'fit' (the more attractive choice)" - Ron said all of this without mentioning (once) that my pathetic rump is half the size of Tracey's".

"Ronald; being a snake shouldn't really matter anymore; the war is over," I said, conveniently forgetting my own irrational refusal of Luna.

"And I keep trying to tell you, that you don't remotely understand the complexities of the magical culture of Britain. – Tracey is a social leper and Harry won't thank you for hooking him up with a snake", Ron continued, "He's not at all happy that Neville went into business with Draco".

"It's just a business arrangement". I said and in the Muggle world that's all it would have been.

"It's not that simple; luv", Ron tried to explain and I was only half listening. "Arranged marriages rarely have anything to do with love; they are at their core financial mergers. So going into business with a snake is far more complicated than you can possibly imagine".

"Wizarding culture is barbarically backward in its thinking", I declared smugly.

"In some areas, I concede that without argument" Ron retorted in an argumentative tone. - "But that doesn't change the fact that in our current reality; Draco will never feel safe about his joint business deal with Neville, until he can anchor it through marriage".

"Malfoy doesn't have a sister", I objected.

"Any female snake will do … they all share the similar traits of ruthless ambition and unwavering loyalty to other Slytherin's", Ron spat. "It all boils down to trust and 'Snakes' don't think the same way we do … so how can you really know that Tracey won't betray Harry, she might even push him over to the dark side? - - Goyle and Neville are thick as thieves these days and I know for a fact that; Greg keeps trying to hook up Neville with pug-nose Pansy. - And Harry's not all that pleased about that either".

"Not all Slytherin's are bad", I insisted forcefully.

"Oh I agree", Ron countered with a smile. – "Greg Goyle fought on our side, Horace Slughorn did too. - -They also say that no-one really knows which side _pug-faced_ Pansy Parkinson was on during the Riddle war … beyond being forever known for uttering a really stupid suggestion".

"Turn over Harry … how 'barmy' can you get", I mumbled softly to myself.

"None of the Parkinson family was found bearing the- **_Dark Mark_** -but at the same time, they were big supporters of blood purity", Ron continued. "Whether this translates to- 'neutrality' during the war, is anyone's guess. - - As for Davis; Riddle's female followers weren't marked on the forearm like Snape. - Bellatrix (I'm told) had a tiny death mark located on the underside of her right breast",

That was a good point, actually. "I'll deal with it."

"So we're going for Susan, with Davis as a back up?" Ron asked.

I thought about that for a while. "We've only have the blind date ploy at our disposal – take Harry out to dinner and pop one of them on him … as a surprise_ and then sit back and watch for the ' _sparks to fly_ ' (if any) between them. However; if we go with one and then the other, and the first go fails – we are unlikely to trick him a second time. No, we'll do both at the same time."

Ron groaned. "I thought you'd say that. Okay, once again… 'Bad idea' luv … first off) I'm not a fan of- 'tricking' -Harry into anything ... secondly) is the ' _presumption'_ that Davis wasn't some form of undercover Voldemort sympathizer (no dark-mark required) that question is yet to be proven either way to my satisfaction ... Third and lastly) even if she is a good snake … exactly how are you going to motivate Davis to shag Harry?"

I was prepared for this, "We'll in the Davis case, if you are right and she is a social leper; what better way to regain acceptance in our magical society, than a bunk-up or two with Harry. She'll be cunning enough to recognize the benefits to her family and her-self, of being connected romantically to an 'uber-wealthy' and politically powerful, celebrity boyfriend". –

"I can concede all that" Ron shot back reasonably. – "However; let me remind you of two points: both girls will indeed see the 'social perks' of being with Harry 'long term' …so your two shags and then go away idea … won't work. They'll want a real shot at keeping him. – Secondly; Davis's overall figure (butt) isn't as … 'pronounced' as Susan's, which is a key 'criteria' with Harry".

"I concede all that, but I have this sense… this feeling, that Tracey will be very acceptable to the test subject. - Besides you are spot-on, with a prominent hero of the Riddle war (Harry) romantically attached to a Slytherin, this high profile example of cross house dating, will go a long-way to silencing those calling to shut down Slytherin, for good".

"If you try are manipulating Harry's single status for a purely 'politically correct' reason… I swear to Merlin … Harry will 'kill' you!" Ron countered in strong warning - "But setting aside the great risk to you personally, that comes with making everything you touch serve some vague political agenda. - My main objection to Davis remains the same … by standing five foot eight in bare feet, that would put Tracey noticeably beyond Harry's height limit – this is will be in my view, the ultimate deal breaker for the snake. - - Assuming (as I do) that Harry is still overly height sensitive (which is more than a distinct possibility) then in 'high heels' Tracey would stand dangerously close to six feet and I highly-doubt that Harry would be comfortable looking- **up** -into her eyes".

"Yes-yes; you said that already", I acknowledged while becoming annoyed. "In 5" heels his eyes would be level with her chest", I admitted and then paused … as I reconsidered the tall snake. - For Ron had caught me out, I had picked Tracey with a social-political agenda in mind. The anti-Slytherin segments of Wizarding society were becoming worrisome.

"Face-facts sweetheart; Davis's rump and bosom are half the size of Susan's, which makes Bones the far more voluptuous of the two. - But let's say Harry doesn't fancy voluptuous birds … let's say, that you point-out the height thingy … let's say Davis wears flat shoes … what happens then?" Ron asked

"I let both candidates know, in a subtle way, that Harry fancies them, (in advance) that he's available, and then invite them to an introduction dinner", I said to Ron. - Susan's is the better choice (I fully concede that) as nearly one-third of the pictures my test subject had lingered on …tended towards a more voluptuous figure. Tracey on the other hand … has a far tighter (sculptured bum) and leans toward a more balanced figure, these opposites in figures and proportions gives Harry a more clearly defined bunk-up choice. –

"Admittedly;" I declared. "I don't have- ' _half_ ' -the bum size or the wide-hips of a proper breeder, that Harry seems to fancy (these days) and had I realized that sooner, Harry could have potentially hooked up with Susan at the Yule ball … a fate that was only put off, by the erroneous perception that I was his girlfriend".

"Susan wasn't the only one that believed that" Ron said in a sad whisper

" _Damn Rita Skeeter to hell_ ", I snarled under my breath.

I don't really want to get any more involved in my second-best male friend's love life, than I have too. All of Ron's concerns were valid. The only real reason Harry's not swimming in hormonal witches, eager for a famous husband - is because of those first few gold diggers that wanted access to his fame and wealth. – They burned him so badly after his first few outings in the post-war dating scene; he quickly began to regard any interested mortal witch with ever deepening suspicion.

But what other option was there? - Some were in awe of him, and put him up on a pedestal like a Greek God and I know how that feels … One of Ron's best features is that he treats Harry like a regular bloke and me as a normal girl. After years of being considered infallible it's wonderful to have a bloke that only worships me … in bed. Oh sweet Maeve he's so good to me. Harry needs someone to show him the stars; - - and my plan will only be worth the great risk I take, if it works.

88**88

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 5

 **Alternate universe** (AU): for obvious reasons that will jump out at you as you begin to read.

88**88 - - ** begin flashback

But what other option was there? - Some were in awe of him, and put him up on a pedestal like a Greek God and I know how that feels … One of Ron's best features is that he treats Harry like a regular bloke and me as a normal girl. After years of being considered infallible it's wonderful to have a bloke that only worships me … in bed. Oh sweet Maeve he's so good to me.

Harry needs someone to show him the stars; - - and my plan will only be worth the great risk I take, if it works.

88**88 end flashback

88**88

88**88

So to sum-up; I felt very confident that Susan 5'3" was the better candidate for my test subject (Harry). My data was admittedly 'somewhat vague' and broad on the anatomical requirements due to a limited sample (only six magazines) and if I was wrong on the criteria, (a rather remote possibility – I must say) - I had compensated for this 'possible' tiny miscalculation by adding Tracey's into the mix with her more balanced figure and taller height: 5'8". - Thus; I didn't let Harry's happiness depend entirely on Bones.

To set-aside Ron's misgivings as well as my own, (that I never admitted too) my first task was to check where Tracey's true loyalties lay. She and I don't normally move in the same circles at the Ministry, but we've helped each other out at the local Diagon Alley health spa, appropriately called- **Aceso** gym - (after the Greek Goddess of fitness) with group exercises, a time or two. As much as it galls me to admit it, Tracey has a better (hour glass) figure (36b-28-37.5) than I do (32b-23-34)– and perhaps I should actually be grateful for Ron's natural distrust in Slytherin's - he normally very forgiving of most people … myself included (because I did fixate on Harry for a-bit). –

It haunts me really, for if circumstances had been just a tiny bit different and if my Ron had been a-tad more open to a very intelligent and pretty snake with a sculptured arse. - This particular brunette with her easygoing sense of humor and sharp sarcastic wit … - well - - I could easily have spent the rest of my days living alone with a series of cats. (I told you I had body insecurities)

I arranged to meet Tracey at the- **Aceso** gym -the next day for a quick post exercise chat over a bottle of wine, not an original gambit I know, but we quickly settled down. In exercise-tights, she had an even better figure than I had imagined (classic hour-glass) with her most noticeable feature being her 3" height difference with Harry. In bare feet I only stand 5'4", but with even modest heels, Harry looks up to me.

Tracey's tall and lean body measurements were in stark contrast to the far more voluptuous Susan …who just happen to be working out that day (on a rowing machine) some twenty paces away. I could see her through the separating glass that divided the 'health-bar' area, from the exercise portion, on the far side of the room.

As Tracey and I chatted, I kept an eye on Susan sweating away as she worked out_ and I was pleased to see that she was working hard to keep fit. – Tracey as I discovered during our conversation, 'came off' as a-little snobbish, an old-money pure-blood type - (classical Slytherin) – with just a touch of arrogance. - But as if to offset this stereotypical 'snake like attitude', she had a surprising (no …shockingly) warmth to the way she spoke and a totally unexpected outgoing nature that indicated to me that my first impression was correct …Tracey Davis was not your clichéd Slytherin.

My Ron use to say that snakes like Malfoy as a young child, had all of their humanity surgically removed … an exaggeration I'm sure. Tracey was actually chatting in a very friendly manner with a Muggleborn when I first came into the gym_ and that had been a major No-no, just five years ago.

Eventually (after five minutes of casual chatting) I determined that it was 'high time' for the far less pleasant interrogation to begin, which I had actually come here for. - "It's rumored that your older brother was an unconvicted Death Eater?" I asked bluntly after we've both drank down half of the wine bottle that the barmaid had bought us.

"No, he wasn't, his wife's father was, and he died at the battle of Hogwarts" she replied after I saw that her eyes had glazed over.

"What did you personally think of Voldemort?"

"I hated him," she growled through gritted teeth as she tried to fight the potion.

"Explain."

"He made it obvious that females were only useful for breeding."

I nodded, Voldemort was a misogynist.

"I want a career and a family_ and the life mate that will help me get that; will reap great rewards in my bed."

"In regards to relationships … do you consider them a battle for dominance or a partnership of equals?" I asked.

"I will have nothing less than an equal partner, stuck at home and bare foot and pregnant is not for me".

"Are you trustworthy, would you betray a life-mate for gold or advantage?"

She started to shake a-little (she was fighting it hard… impressive). " **NO** , - my mate will be my right arm, and to him I will be faithful and as true, as he is with me" she firmly admitted, the Veritaserum I had slipped into her wine forcing the truth out of her.

"Are you a virgin?"

The shaking was worse. "No."

"How many wizards have shared your bed?"

"More than you have had in yours … certainly", she 'spat' back with contempt

"Do you find Harry Potter attractive … sexually?" I asked

"Of course I do … and so did you, not that long ago"

"Conceded … If given the chance, would you shag, Harry?" I pressed hard.

"Not just Potter, there are a couple of blokes from your house and class year, that are quite yummy", Tracey replied.

"Name them", I demanded.

"Your Weasley naturally, that's one sweet wizard you've got"

"Again; I'll concede that … and the other one?"

"Neville Longbottom", she said. "Gor blimey … I swear Lovegood was barmy and made the biggest mistake of her life, by walking away from that choice-bit of beef"

"Neville's … hot", I said unable to wrap my head around the concept

"He's not as swarmy as Potter - but Neville has other assets I'd like to explore"

"But you'd bunk-up with Harry", I pressed.

"In a heartbeat - but you've done that already … so tell me; how was he in bed", Tracey said with a knowing smile.

I said nothing; instead I sat silently (fuming) and waited until the Veritaserum wore off; while wondering; did all my former school mates believe that I had given my virginity to Harry? – does Ron?

"What the hell was that?" Tracey demanded.

"Veritaserum," I offered helpfully.

She growled at me. "Why did you drug me?"

I decided it was time to adopt a Slytherin mindset for a while. "I didn't," I replied calmly.

"Yes you did."

"Prove it," I challenged. "You are accusing Hermione Jean Granger, famed follower of Harry Potter the boy who defeated Riddle, of breaking the law and using a banned substance on you to check your alliance to a dead Dark Lord?"

She slumped down in defeat and glared at me, "Pensive evidence."

I smiled pityingly back at her. "Inadmissible …besides it would be regarded as a fabrication specifically designed to discredit a national hero (me). That the accusation comes from a known associate of a Malfoy, during a time when- _**all**_ -former members of Slytherin are under suspicion … your charge will be thrown out of court in a heartbeat."

She sighed sadly … again. "What do you want, Granger?"

"Information, one hundred percent reliable and now that you've given it to me. - I'm happy about what I learned … accept for the-bit about you lusting after Neville."

She nodded, still glaring at me. "Nothing wrong with a single girl checking out the 'talent' and Neville is smashing hot, but don't get your knickers in a twist; Granger. - Its common knowledge that pug-Pansy, is all- ' _hot and bothered_ ' in pursuit of said botanist. - The three of them (Greg-Neville and pug-nose) are always seen together in public, like your ' _golden trio_ ' once was at Hogwarts".

"Never alone, as a couple … always together … interesting" I said and it was.

"You see; I'm not the only ' _soiled dove_ ' who hopes that a recognized hero of the late-war; might just be her ticket back into social acceptance. – But I can't compete with Pansy, because she's rich and I'm poor and life is ruddy unfair. - - I'd have as much chance to get Neville to notice my sweet arse … as your Weasley did while competing with the demigod Potter for your 'attention' at Hogwarts".

"There was no competition", I said with the tiniest of snarls

"You were Potters for the taking … everyone knew that. What happened, by-the-way … why did you suddenly settle for second best … are you bi or gay and Weasley's just cover, while you engage in some ' _bizarre_ ' feminist lifestyle on the down-low?" Tracey asked with genuine snake-like contempt.

I had to strongly resist the temptation to transfigure this stuck-up reptile into a toad.

"It's a real pity that Neville will never give a girl like me 'the time of day'- - (Arranged marriages for money is how things are done in our culture) but the bigger question is; - _Why are you doing this to me_ " Tracey emphasized with a touch of justifiable anger, "Why did you want all this personal information concerning my 'attraction' to Potter?"

I decided to be truthful. "Because Harry needs a bonking/girlfriend, and after extensive research I have determined there are exactly two witches living here; in greater London, that he might fancy enough for a tumble."

" _ **Holyhead Harpies -**_ Weasley …and me?" - Tracey asked nearly gob smacked.

"You and Susan Bones … apparently Harry likes brunettes. - Oddly enough, redheads don't even make the list."

Her glare was gone, to be replaced by a thoughtful look. "Weasley is out of the running … that's good to know. But; why don't you have another go at him your-self, reconnecting with him should be 'Childs Play', for the likes of you. - After all; you've got the required hair color he fancies and my figure isn't all that much better than yours."

"Harry and I didn't work out, due to- ' _irreconcilable differences_ ' – that are none of your business … actually", I said harshly before changing my mind and continuing. "Harry is a war damaged soul (like the rest of us) that still suffers from violent mood swings, which I frankly mishandled at times".

"Generally speaking; when his moods 'turns sour'… just step back and let him cool down on his own … never force the issue. - I'm giving you fair warning about that … if you try to force the issue and he's not ready to be reasonable …he can turn very inflexible in his thinking in a big hurry … so trying to spoon feed him into accepting your views on any subject …is a bad idea. –

"With your Ronald, being the primary peacemaker when that happened", - Tracey said (as fact) with surprising insightfulness, for not many of his peers knew how many times Ron had kept me on speaking terms with Harry. - I had clearly underestimated Davis's intellect, a natural mistake to make … as traditionally; Slytherin's preferred their women docile and submissive.

"As you might already suspect", I continued. - "Harry is a very private person and greatly cherishes his time with his small circle of friends. He hates his fame and being manipulated, try to take advantage of either and your done".

"Good to know", Tracey said

"He also has very little ambition to climb at the Ministry and deeply resents the fact, that I was (at one time) willing to forgo any thought of family to reach my full career potential … although truthfully; I've recently had to rethink my position on- ' _career-distracting_ '- issues", I said and instantly regretted my slip the tongue (why did I admit that out-loud?) It's none of her business that I'm still struggling with the children issue.

"So you haven't quite decided (yet) whether Weasley is worth the bother … very interesting", Tracey said with a small knowing grin.

"… And while we are on the subject of potential offspring's", I said while once again trying to swallow my anger at airing my 'dirty linen' in public. – "I should tell you that Harry wants children … lots of them. He's the type that will fully support your potion mistress goals, in exchange for a house full of kids".

"Does he own a house-elf?"

"Yes, well he did …why do you ask?"

"I have one myself, (inherited from my late mother) If Harry has no objection to owning house-elves and with their help; I can have it all, career and a large brood."

"I don't approve of Elf slavery", I snarled in anger.

"Then you clearly don't understand our culture or the inner-dependency that exists, almost symbiotic, between wizards and elves".

"Harry was forced to become a house-elf master via inheritance_ and one of his best (dearest) friends was a freed House-elf. - He's therefore very sensitive on the subject of elf civil-rights; he and I have both learned from bitter experience, that the immediate /universal freedom for all house-elves (at this time) is undoable. - - However; Harry and I are great supporters of improving their working conditions and general treatment. If you have in anyway mistreated your house-elf… ", I threatened.

…"Don't be absurd Granger, I would never mistreat a loyal an indispensable member of my immediate family; Minsey all but raised me, for crying out loud", Tracey growled back at me. "I interacted with Minsey far more than with all the rest of my Family ... combined. - Besides I know full-well of the story of Dobby, and what he meant to Harry."

"Good to know", I replied. "You've been properly warned. Your treatment of your house-elf will also be a deal breaker … if you get beyond the first date … (just saying).

"Your Ronald has a house-elf" Tracey pointed out

"He acquired one accidentally due to an error in judgment on my part. - His treatment of Tweaky is beyond reproach, he knows how I feel about elf-slavery and that is an ongoing issue with us. We will speak no more of this … understood" I growled.

"Stones and glass houses (just saying)" Tracey snorted.

"In the end; 'all' I'm doing; is providing an introduction, what happens beyond that is up to you. – The only reason you are one of two candidates for my blind date idea, is because he remembers your unusual tolerance of others houses and blood status, from school. - You're a-tad too tall for his taste, so always wear flats, but it's your neutrality during the Riddle war that makes you, at least … redeemable".

"Finally: what I have with my Ron is not a cover for anything, we have issues that we disagree on … all couples do. - I don't know if I want any children, but I have zero doubt about keeping him. - He's a straight and so am I. Generally speaking; I believe that Ron is a far better fit for me than Harry ever was and only a total idiot would ever think differently".

"Ron is not as trusting of non-Gryffindor's as I am, so he'll be watching you closely", I said; admitting more than I should have, but I'm sticking with the truthfulness for now. "I think the distrust the war has generated against Slytherin is; …one) fully justified and; …two) long lasting. In fact the only other Gryffindor that I know of …at this point (so close) after the end of the war; that's willing to give you 'non' Death Eater wannabee snakes the benefit of the doubt is … Longbottom".

"Neville Longbottom, would date a snake …really? – does that mean the 'thingy' he has with pug-nose is real?"- Tracey asked with a raised eyebrow that indicated (to me) that she had thought/' _ **hoped**_ '- that the rumored Pansy/Neville romance might be fake. – "Take out the money advantage; and on an even playing field, any girl could compete and easily win against that pug-nosed sow … no problems. – With gold as a wedding incentive Pansy could easily ' _buy-out_ ' Draco's share in the greenhouse /potion shop, whereas I can't. – I never doubted for one second that pug-Pansy is 'crazy-desperate' enough to buy her-self a respectable pure-blood husband, I just never thought there was enough gold to buy a Longbottom. – In our culture Granger … loads of money trumps everything in a romantic completion, your Weasley certainly knows that … by now".

"Rich men can outspend genuinely nice guys in the Muggle world too; Davis", I countered.

"Better clothing, plastic surgeons, personal trainers, bigger homes and expensive everything else, translates into the rich getting the best of everything … romantic disparity by the cart-load. - But that fight for equality is for another day, for right now, let's focus on my 'wild-card' shot at Potter. - So as you were saying; you're Weasley is off the market?"

"Yes …Ron is exclusively mine … am I crystal clear on that point?" - I snarled hotly. "I didn't know about the pug-Pansy pursuit of Neville until just recently; but believe me, she won't get him … plastic surgery can fix her nose, but not the darkness that lies within the ice-queen's soul … Neville will detect that darkness and will be repulsed by it … I just know it", I said causally as my mental process was temporarily sidetracked. - "Neville also went out with Daphne Greengrass at Malfoy's strong urging; directly after breaking things off with Luna … that didn't work out either, her family disapproved"

"Yes I remember now, they didn't like the thought of Daphne hooking up with a common gardener", Tracey said smiling at the thought.

"Botanist … and a brilliant one I might add. He'll be famous one day … mark my words" I said harshly (how did this interview get so sidetracked?) but at that point, I couldn't stop my-self from rambling on. - "The Greengrass clan, is a bunch of inbred snobs; that just ' _kissed-off_ ' one of the finest wizards I know", I continued before dragging the conversation back on track. "But we are not here to chat about Neville. My research indicates a possible match between you and Potter and you must fully understand … that he doesn't know anything about all of this – so you are on your own after dinner, I get you an introduction … your foot in the door and that's ALL".

"Fair enough", Tracey replied.

"I also believe your personalities could be compatible – You're a-bit of a snob, but I have detected via extensive background checks, observation from a distance and while talking to you, that you have a easygoing nature combined with a most un-snake like sense of humor (you'll need it, with Harry) and lastly: I'm the first obstacle to overcome to get close to Harry, so play false with me in the slightest way_ and this blind date will never happen, which means you and your entire family will stay … social lepers."

Tracey looked at me for a long moment. "A genuine threat … impressive … you know, Hermione, I might actually end-up liking you," she admitted to my surprise. "You're no longer just a noble Gryffin **dork** , you have a sharp edge now that I never suspected; Potter's influence I'm sure, Weasley is to honorable … a boy scout. Although between the two of them, Weasley is the one I wouldn't want to get angry".

"My Ron wouldn't hurt a fly" I snorted.

"Can you really be that naïve?" - Tracey replied. – "Magically speaking… your Ronald is twice the powerful as Potter. That you have never seen him 'wield' his blue magic doesn't mean he isn't dangerous. - I saw what he did in the Hogwarts courtyard. He's scary I tell you. - Do you even know that Potter is responsible for your current happiness?"

I blinked at this - "In what way?"

"We snake's have our own sources of information, that's not accessible to you 'dorks'," - Tracey said smugly. "A little bird told me that Harry … took your boyfriend for a little chat after getting out of the Auror academy_ and when they returned, Ron was slightly bruised and had a new attitude towards you!"

I nodded, although I wondered how Tracey had found this out.

"Well, your Ronnie got clobbered because he wasn't listening. It was Potter that killed the extra strong rumor (in the newspapers) that you were lovers …during your hush-hush camping trip".

I knew all about that post war article; I even remembered when it was published, I was repeating my seventh year at the time, – I read it and was utterly horrified.

"He did all this by doing the Big Brother routine on Weasley and your red-head took the piss, because that's what true brothers do. With your Ron by his side … Potter is unstoppable. No-one will ever touch you as long as the shopkeeper is yours ... Draco doesn't count naturally, he's an inbred idiot, but most of us snakes aren't that stupid. You still have a long road to haul with Ronald, but you know that …already. But it's thanks to big-brother Potter, that you got your foot in the door."

I smiled. "Family is like that and ('F.Y.I.') the trio considers Neville family, that's another reason to believe that pugs-Pansy won't get him. Mess with one of us…" I began.

"…mess with all of us," Tracey interrupted, - "Typical 'dork' … behavior".

"Gryffindor dorm mates Harry and Neville, shared more than just a bedroom, they are both gun-shy right now when it comes to witches, and you'll have to push beyond that".

"Lovegood did the main damage, didn't she?" - Tracey asked thoughtfully as she brought the conversation back to Neville.

"Yes she did, she broke Neville's heart. - But I'm here about Harry … not Neville", I said becoming irritated. "Wizards; both young and old are, as I've discovered, are thick with emotional contradictions, which makes arranging adult relationships very difficult."

"Most of us are somewhat in awe of Harry," Tracey admitted. "So if I get this right; you are saying it's gun-shyness after being burned, not aloofness?"

I nodded, "Absolutely. He's never been really sure how to approach witches_ and he is fearful of someone who would say yes to a date, only because of his fame or wealth … over who he is as a person. - He hates his fame with a passion; and never uses it to gain a unfair advantage ... so bringing it up is a very bad move." And then I paused. "I, on the other hand, have no such compunction".

"Yes … I can see that", Tracey said sound impressed again.

"My research indicates that he is attracted to Burnett's like you. - My motivation here is to get a dear friend a shot at the same kind of happiness I've enjoyed with my future husband. Did you get that Davis – we may never agree on the children issue, but I intend to marry my red-head", – I snarled

"And in kind; I give you fair warning (just saying) that if you …as a proper 'feminist' chose your career over offspring's, it could in time be the deal breaker between you and your shop keeper", Tracey insisted.

"I don't think so", I replied smugly.

"… lead a horse to water … whatever", Tracey said with a resigned sigh. – "You're going to be giving this same talk to Bones …Yes?"

"In essence, yes." I said

She nodded again. "And no one would ever believe that you would do this."

It was my turn to nod.

"I don't believe you." Tracey said

I looked at her quizzically.

"It's not looks," she stated. "If it was, you wouldn't have picked me and Susan – as we are so different physically. It's not because of how we look; it's because of who we are."

Dammit, she wasn't supposed to be that smart. I looked at her and tried to decide if I should still be honest.

"My research is never half-arse, so I know exactly who you are", I admitted with a sigh.

"And your Ronald doesn't know all that much about me, beyond physical appearance."

I nodded in agreement, "This was my idea and I've kept a-lot of the details from my Ron, as he doesn't really approve of what I'm doing. – His primary objection to you is justified in his distrusts of all the Death-eater wantabe's that were at Hogwarts... but you are not one of those. - Generally speaking; he's the most forgiving wizard I know. – Well … he also thinks you're too tall, otherwise …get on his 'good side' and you'll have a friend for life. I'm not really sure which one of you is the best fit for Harry – but you're both extra strong in the non-physical areas that really count."

"What happens now - Make a little mud and let us fight it out?"

I chuckled for a-bit, looked at her and decide to come completely clean. "From me, almost nothing, I arrange an introduction and then I step out of the picture. I'm trying to help Harry, not run his life".

"I'll be here for advice, but only the sort that I would give to anyone dating Harry. He is just as likely to turn you both down flat … as he is to bonk you into next week. - If he discovers my meddling in this … there will be hell to pay … ironically; if what you said about Harry having a ' _brotherly word_ ' with my Ron is true … then he did his bit to give me a shot at Ron, and I look at my little plot here; as me just returning the favor. – Harry deserves to have some happy moments in his life too"

"Because you 'currently' still deciding whether or not you love Ronald enough, to offset the disadvantage of being married to a mere tradesman." Tracey said bluntly

"What he does career wise, will have next to zero effect of my long term goals", I said with absolute certitude. "The man is fit, responsible and loving … with the number of married siblings that he has, convincing him that his blood-line will not perish, if we do not add to the ever growing number of grandchildren for Molly to cuddle, should not be too difficult".

"You've made up your mind I see, he can have you without children or not at all", Tracey pointed out gently

"Yes, I want a career … first and foremost."

"You're taking a big risk … men can be silly about their prodigy."

"Ron has loved me since fourth year; if he wants me … I come at a cost",

"No flexibility on this issue, no room to compromise?" Tracey asked pressing hard.

"Nothing is set in stone (of course) but a seven child 'brood' like his mother had, is completely out of the question. - I'm not stupid enough to draw a line in the sand and lose him over this issue." I allowed my-self to sound reasonable, although my candor with Tracey continued to be surprising. "But if you think on it … I'm not signing him into a marriage contract that will forbid children or anything else alone those lines. – I'm smart enough to see how things go between us".

"A wise policy", Tracey replied.

"On those same lines; if Harry doesn't like you, then you get a real nice dinner out of this; at my expense. - Nothing bad (long term) will happen to you. It's not really that much different from Harry taking Ron out to the emotional wood-shed and beating some adultness into him."

Tracey nodded. "You're quite the little Slytherin aren't you?"

I smiled coldly, "When it comes to looking out for my friends … yes."

"One last question; what if I find, that in the end, that I don't fancy Potter?"

88**88

88**88

To be continued.


	6. Chapter 6

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 6

 **Rated M** – adult subject matter

**Keeping the word-count down (per-chapter) is proving harder than I thought

** I am a real big (make that HUGE) RON fan and I like to paint him (write) in a way that Highlights the average bloke in the trio; everyone else in HP, every single character (to me) is chum for sharks.

88**88

88**88 - - **begin** flashback.

"One last question; what if I find, that in the end, that I don't fancy Potter?"

88**88 - - **end** flashback.

I smiled at her gently. "Tracey; as a snake, you're far too ambitious to let something so insignificant, stop you. On the plus side: you are the first female potion apprentice in our generation, even among Slytherin's that's rare. – The down side is, you didn't become a Death Eater_ and you are therefore considered a social leper by both sides. - You were raised with the idea that (one day) you'll be married off in some geo-political, social-economic deal … devoid of love. – Whether you fancied your 'arranged' husband doesn't matter at all. – What I'm offering, gives you a real shot at finding romantic happiness."

She didn't disagree. "Does Bones; get the same offer?" Tracey added.

I nodded and decided to try and finish this awkward interview. "I love Harry as a sister and I wouldn't allow just anyone near him. When I first started this, I thought about a lot how lonely Harry has been for the last year. Being a social leper I sure you can relate to that. I cannot guarantee that this blind date will lead to true love. But you have a far better chance of finding it this way than with an arranged marriage".

"Actually; no one wants to marry a leper like me", Tracey admitted in a resigned tone.

"The same can be said for Susan, although in her case I don't know why. She is trending towards becoming a full bore workaholic and as the only child of a pair of those, I know firsthand the type of neglect that a family can suffer from someone addicted to work. – As someone who struggles everyday with that addiction (all work and no play) I have found that Ron's love for me … motivates me as I hope this blind date will for you and Susan, to reap the benefits of some non work-related FUN"

Tracey nodded and thought it over for a moment_ and then stood abruptly. "Let's go find Bones."

I blinked at her. "What?"

"If we're going to have a competition, we ought to get the rules straight before we begin". Tracey marched off and I scurried after her.

It was about this time, that I started to realize that I was in over my head.

"Yo, Bones," Tracey shouted, attracting the disproving look of the Gym's management.

"Davis," Susan drawled, as she adjusted the Muggle exercise treadmill that she wanted to use. "You've finally decided to tell everyone about our affair?"

Tracey paused and laughed. "For a 'Puff, you've got a wicked sense of humor," she stated. She turned to the person on the nearest treadmill, "No, we're not dating," she growled, "and if I hear any rumors that I am bi or a lesbian, you'll be the one found hanging from the nearest lamp pole."

The witch paled dramatically and scampered away. I had to hide a smile.

"So, what can I do for the famous dork …Granger and a lowly snake?" Susan asked casually.

"We need to talk, in private. Little Miss 'hero' here has been busy."

Susan looked at me for a long moment and then she sighed softly. "This might be fun," she predicted sarcastically, as she packed her stuff into her tote bag and walked away from the treadmill.

Why is it that everyone (but me) seemed to know of a private place to go?

Susan's place was a comfy old healer's office (her grand-dads) located right next door to the work out Gym and over the cauldron shop which was adjacent to the Leaky Cauldron … a place that she knew the password into.

She collapsed into a chair and offered one to Tracey - who slumped down as well. Their posture will probably give them back problems when they are older.

"Go on then," Susan said with a fake smile. "Hit me."

"In short, Goddess Granger here, has done some research, and reckons that Potter's got a thing for brunettes, with figures as diverse as ours. She decided to help him get laid by one of us, with the winner getting a shot at keeping him. Granger believes; that you've still have a super strong crush on him and I've already (admitted) that he's hot. But we need some rules between us before we start."

"Such as; not sabotaging each other?" Susan asked calmly, as if they were discussing ordering some take-out.

"And blocking of all external interest or interference," Tracey agreed.

Susan looked thoughtful and then at me, - "Gun Shyness from harlots who burned him previously, not aloofness?"

"Yes", I replied.

"Hmmm. So you're not a Death Eater?"

Tracey rolled her eyes. "You already knew that."

Susan laughed. "True, but she didn't." she said pointing at me.

'She' again, Hermione as a name - is not that big!

"Yeah, the little bitch doused me with Veritaserum and asked a few … blunt questions", Tracey added.

I'm not a bitch either.

Susan sniggered. "So, we'll hex anyone else who looks at him the wrong way … no sabotage of each other either directly or indirectly and then we take him in turns?"

Tracey pulls out a galleon. "Call it." She flipped the coin into the air.

"Dragons", Susan said.

Tracey smiled happily, "Me first then."

Susan held out her hand. "May the best witch … win."

"And that will be … me," Tracey agreed, as she shook it - but she was being playful, more than anything else. I found this non-snake like behavior … highly encouraging

They both then turned on me. "You have two job's here… one) - is to back up the no-outside-influence rule," Susan informed me calmly.

This was when I realized, that the problem with dealing with attractive and highly intelligent, 'progressive' witches … they had the self-confidence required to do what they wanted_ which meant that I'd completely lost control of the situation. Susan had accepted what Tracey had said without argument – with just the kind of healers-insight that was one of the main reasons that I had chose her in the first place.

"… secondly) you arrange for a semi-blind date (with Harry) for this coming Friday (which you and Ron will attend)," Tracey said; finishing Susan's talking points, "I also need you to convince Ron that I'm a good snake. If he doesn't vouch for me to Harry … I'll get nowhere fast. - Harry trusts Ron more than anyone else on this earth … including you - and if I fail miserably, you will have to do the same thing for Susan, before she gets her shot, next weekend."

Susan nodded. "I hope you won't be offended if I don't wish you Good luck, Trace."

Tracey smiled at her, rolled her eyes at me, and wandered out.

88**88

Susan looked at me for a long time in silence before saying. "Should I be flattered?"

I shrugged. "You think I'd let just anyone near him?"

Susan's gaze was uncomfortably direct. "No," she agreed slowly and then she stood. "A few points before we begin - I had a 'mild' school girl crush on Harry while attending Hogwarts and for me - that was- **five** -years ago … is that clearly understood? - I've been too busy with work to give Potter any serious thought in years_ and I have dated other men (on and off) since graduation. I've been in a dry spell (dating) for about eight months now (that part is true) but I'm nowhere near as desperate as Tracey is about this".

"I can see that", was my reply.

"Tracey and I are friends, she is one of those rare 'good' snakes, sharp witted, outgoing with a surprising sense of humor and I would be a major fool to turn down an offer of a blind date with a national treasure. But my expectations aren't as high as Tracey's. I'm up for this blind date … really I am … it sounds like fun and I genuinely look forward to an evening chatting 'one-on-one' with Potter, but understand this … if sparks fly between us, next Friday when I get my turn with Harry… he will have to pursue me".

"Yes … that's the plan; if Davis fails you get your shot." I repeated, now sounding very unsure of myself.

"As I might not get another chance and as you're giving me a free shot at Potter, I tell you something you might not know. I and a number of my Puff dorm mates wanted to make a move on your Weasley while at Hogwarts … but you guarded him too closely (like you owned him); meaning … basically, you shut the rest of us out. - I don't think you have any idea (even remotely) how many witches find Ronald dripping Hot".

"You're pulling my leg" I snorted as I envisioned my average guy, kindhearted and friendly.

"No I'm not_ and keep in mind that as a result of the Riddle war, there are on average three breeding age witches for every single wizard.

"That many", I asked in surprise.

"Yes … that many", Susan replied. – "I did fancy Harry back then (that's true enough) even today, every witch with a pulse does", Susan admitted calmly … "But Harry wasn't the only Gryffin **d** **ork** that I ever had a school-girl crush on. – I sensed that Potter was out of my reach, so I switch targets, during my last year; it was Ronald Bilius that I lusted after at Hogwarts".

"My … Ron?" I said gob-smacked

"I saw the potential that you ignored … a lot of Puffs did, Ravenclaw's to _by-the-way_. Had he come back to school for seventh year instead of running off with you and Potter during the occupation … had you waited just one more month (after school) to make your move on him –(I was in the middle of a bad relationship … at that time) you would have lost your long neglected Ron to … **me** ", Susan explained.

"YOU?" - I said horrified.

"Yeah … me, - - wizards like Ron are rare, he's kindhearted, the sole proprietor of his own shop, a bloke who forges his own future. - I also saw (with my own eyes) how good he was as a Gryffin **d** **ork** prefect, the younger years worshiped him … and avoided you. - He'll make a fantastic daddy someday and I want kids; loads of them … whereas, you don't."

Hearing this unpleasant truth … I was naturally, deeply stunned.

"I also hear he has a young house-elf now; which means that with a bloke like Ron, I could have everything … career and family" (she and Tracey shared the same view on the elf issue … what am I missing here?) Susan continued in a matter of fact tone. -"Trace also wants that, _by-the-way_ … a house overflowing with offspring's". –

"Yes I know" I replied tartly - ( _what is the connection between house-elf slaves and children?_ ) I asked myself.

"So whenever you feel the urge for an 'upgrade', say to a 'workaholic' and 'intellectual equal', don't hesitate … please. The red-head you dump … won't stay unattached for long." Susan threatened rather bluntly_ and naturally I knew what she was implying.

And with all that 'food for thought' to ponder, a very shell-shocked me, went down into Diagon Alley proper and apparated away.

88**88

With a sigh of genuine worry, I appeared a moment later, back in Ron's humble flat and collapsed bonelessly into my favorite chair that was surrounded with move-in boxes that were scatter everywhere.

"Success?" - Ron asked softly as he put the kettle on. He was bare foot and wearing only a pair of hand me down … slightly too tight jeans, that hugged his arse deliciously.

I nodded. "Tracey this Friday, Susan next Friday."

"Didn't go the way you envisioned it … did it?" Ron suggested softly, trying extra hard not to offend as he handed me a fresh cuppa of tea.

"No it didn't. I hoped for cuddly kittens, I encountered a pair of hungry tigers," I agreed.

"Right out of Hogwarts and unattached is unusual for witches in our culture" Ron declared without malice. "Single magical people of either gender at our age are rare. Think on it; within three years of graduation Bill and Percy were both married. – Charlie doesn't count as he's out of the country and Angelina has George perhaps only weeks away from a proposal. You have just encountered two magical females in aggressive marriage heat.

"That's barbaric … girls should not be pressure this hard to find a mate", I said not at all pleased.

"You told me, that Muggle girls have been encouraged recently to put careers ahead of families (and you approve of this idea … naturally) however most western Muggle cultures birthrates are rapidly declining as a result. Meanwhile in other parts of the world it is totally legal to take up to seven wives. - It all boils down to cultural upbringing", Ron explained carefully. "We in magical England have just emerged from a civil-war that has cost one-third of our population, we literally face extinction. The only way to avoid that fate is a post war baby boom".

"I still think it's barbaric" I semi-growled.

"Of course you do … you are a Muggleborn feminist stuck in what you consider to be a backward culture." Ron said with a resigned soft-chuckle. "What you should always keep in mind is that you get to chose; you could put your wand down right now, leave me and magic behind, go to university and live a long happy life surrounded by your politically correct, Muggle culture".

Why did I suddenly find that thought so frightening?

"I on the other hand was raised in a magical culture … with limited contact with Muggle's and surrounded by goblins, werewolves and centaurs … a culture of arranged marriages that last more than a century. - I couldn't hope to survive as a Muggle". - With that said, a sad sounding Ron … got up silently to finish preparing dinner (he's actually a great cook) as for me; I hate cooking with a passion especially after the camping trip (I burned almost everything) I also hated that cooking was considered women's work

88**88

The next morning, I was a little late to the office. I overslept slightly … it happens. It wasn't hard to notice that some of the wizards of the ministry were very focused on the goings on at one particular work station that was near my office. A quick look in that direction showed why. Tracey was visiting a friend that worked in my department. Davis is quite unique among the Pure Bloods as she is very good looking. Most of the female snakes – say, like Pansy, look like the inbred mutants they really are.

Tracey wasn't wearing the regulation Ministry worker robes that morning, she works in (EPDL) _Experimental Potion Development and Licensing_ office (third floor –east wing) and the silk blouse she had chosen was very flattering, even if the emerald green color was a-tad obvious. She had a wooden box in front of her (on the desk) that from long experience I recognized as a very old traveling chess set. Alarm bells instantly went off in the back of my mind… an old Wizarding chess set, why would Tracey use a chess set to Chat-Up Harry?

I just stood there fuming … when Padma Patil of (SRD) _Spell Research and Development_ (fifth floor, north wing) - the brilliant former Ravenclaw Prefect from Hogwarts … came up from behind the still gob smacked me_ and said in a stage whisper: "So…" she said, her volume trailing off after the first word in that irritating Ravenclaw 'know-it-all' manner of hers (I hope I don't sound like that). "Rumor has it that your former boy-toy; Potter, is in the market for a wife, and that a couple of girls have decided to have a go at him – does this mean that your pathetically weak ploy to make Harry jealous by dating the youngest 'Weasel' shopkeeper … has failed?"

I tried to look as innocent as I could as I replied; "Harry has always been nothing more than a brotherly figure to me"

"Really?" - - Padma said in obvious disbelief. - "You still insist on pushing that lie_ and worst still, you're settling for a second rate, barely literate, tradesman … oh I must say; how disappointing",

"That tradesman is a successful business man, and the best, kindest lover I have ever known", I said with no small amount of pride".

"Well that's not saying much, providing that it is true what I read in the- _**Prophet**_ … that Harry is horrible in bed?" Padma said with a wicked sneer while alluding to the rumor that my- 'first time' – with a man, was with Harry. – A totally unfounded rumor that I fear my Ron believes, but doesn't dare give voice too. I was at this point so mad I wanted to…

"… I also understand", Padma snarled, interrupting my thoughts, - "that you personally picked both candidates. - If this is true and from your heated expression, my logic up to this point has been flawless. I have just two questions to ask little Miss 'Organizes-everything' … who gave you the right to play matchmaker and more importantly; exactly why wasn't I considered worthy of his Hotness?"

"Right from the off – you are engaged in a totally barbaric; 'Arranged Marriage' - to a wizard twenty-eight years older than you (how is that working out for you - ducky?)… and secondly it's because you're hair is jet black," I retorted with forced calm. "And Harry prefers brunettes."

Padma huffed. "I'm not married yet … I can still enjoy a few more wild-oats. - Besides; most witches I know can do a simple hair charms, even Muggle's know how to change the color of their hair", she announced crossly. "I could be a far better brunette than Shorty-McCurves, with her huge arse and cow-like udders_ or Leggy Davis's over there with her pencil figure and small 'tatas'."

Sometimes …I actually think that the Patil twins like me. 'Organizes-everything' is a much nicer nickname than some of the others I've overheard – you should hear what she calls Pansy …to her face, no less.

It wasn't until the seventh year that we in the trio realized just why Padma's sister, Parvati and her (b.f.f.) Lavender were in Gryffindor. Both girls are fearless.

Before I came to Hogwarts, I went to a normal (Muggle) primary school. Back then, it took around two days for a rumor to circulate the entire school. At Hogwarts, that time was down to around ninety-minutes. At the Ministry its twenty minutes … tops. Magical people really don't have anything better to do.

Anyway, this was the time of day when the famous Auror; Harry James Potter, usually enters my department at the Ministry of Magic, for our tradition morning chat over a cuppa.

That's another thing. Most people enter a room and sit down and no one takes notice. Not so for Harry. He'll slouch in, he'll charge in, he'll even stroll in – and when he does, people will abruptly stop whatever they are doing, and follow his every step with their eyes … even if he doesn't want them to. It's the burden that comes with being a National treasure. - - Oh I get my share of 'worshipers' too, but it's nothing compared to what Harry gets.

This particular entrance was very different; Harry literally bounced onto my floor, like the Energizer bunny on steroids. He arrived in front of me_ and did a little dance and twirled on the spot. It would have looked idiotic if done by anyone else, but he pulled it off – which was in itself quite irritating, if only because of the numerous sighs of appreciation from anything remotely female, which saw it.

"Harry behave", I said feeling annoyed.

"Why?" Harry asked playfully.

"You're an Adult now … not a child"

"Maybe being an Adult is boring", Harry said while grinning ear to ear like an ignoramus. "I like having a bit of fun. I like being in a good mood for a change. - Ron understands this… god-bless him _and you clearly don't. - If Ron, whose naturally good-natured; did what I just did, then you and everyone else here - would be on the floor, right now … laughing hysterically."

"True, enough" - I agreed, because Ron always had a-way to make Harry smile. The flattery I used was strangely more effective than usual, because Harry somewhat got control of himself and that was the moment that I noticed how he was dressed on that fateful Friday morning. This was_ **THE DAY** _that I spoke of earlier; the day of the grand-opening of my brilliant plan to get Harry- ' **laid'** -and here stood the man of the hour, dressed to the nines, in some incredibly regal looking black and silver robes. They looked like they must have cost an absolute fortune.

"So," I asked, "why the good mood and the snazzy outfit?"

"I," he said, drawing himself up to his full height, and with a dramatic pause that managed to capture the attention of everyone who wasn't already looking at him, "am about to listen to your endless list of complaints, all the unwanted hints and suggestions about what I should do with my life - your non-stop whining about all your usual nonsense - and remain completely unfazed- because after work today I just might acquire for myself … the long-sought for, girl of my dreams."

The sound of so many eyeballs going wide (as big as golf balls), all at once; is an interesting one. The sound of every single witch (except me) in the room gasping in hope is not so good. The sound of a half-dozen wizards sighing in disappointment at their girlfriends/wives enthusiasm at the news was at least; understandable … as they would always be on the losing end of any comparison to Harry. – But the sound of at least four wizards gasping in girlish glee … was just disturbing. - - Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, it's just that Harry is so determinedly hetero-sexual that the 'mere thought' of him snogging a guy senseless, can send me into endless fits of hysterics.

I sighed at Harry, as I lowered my head into my uplifting hand. Behind Harry, I saw out of the corner of my eye, Tracey already glaring at a large number of female coworkers who suddenly felt the need to open or remove their work robes and unbutton a button or two of their blouses, to the point of showing cleavage. The secret was out, my plan exposed … only one question remained …who told?

"A girlfriend you say," I managed to utter.

"Yeah … and just possibly … a wife", Harry said with clear delight. – "I'm not a monk … you know. – I'm late today, because I stopped at Ron's shop to cancel the plans for dinner tonight. You know how easy it is for an Auror, to tell when Ron is trying to keep something from me. His panicked expression at me canceling … followed by a little push and he 'spilled the beans'," Harry said dreamily.

' _I need to go to his shop and kill Ronald'_ , I thought to myself.

"I promised him I would take the heat from you – for Ron telling me in advance (that is) – that I had a 'surprise' blind-date companion waiting for me at dinner tonight. – Harry said casually. "To tell the truth; I had heard (yesterday) a rumor that someone close to me was setting me up for a blind date and naturally … I was a-bit mad at first; I thought that I'd been so careful … that no one suspected. - I imagined at first … that Bill must have spilled the beans to a co-worker at the bank."

"Bill?" I asked in surprise. "How does he …"I began

"… I know all too well", Harry said in interruption. – "How the rumor mill works in a small community like ours and I admit …I saw red, I was so furious; I went straight-away this morning to confront Ron about the rumor. – Because I know…without doubt, that you wouldn't do that to me".

I had the grace to blush, "Exactly what did Ron tell you about this girl."

"He said that she's a little shorter than I am; which is good, because it hurts to have to look- **up** to Ginny eyes… even while she is wearing runners. In heels most mortal witches (even you) would tower over me - and that would be downright embarrassing", Harry said all but bubbling with excitement. – "And he told me that she can rightfully boast of more curves than the Colossus at Thorpe Park."

And that's when the alarm bells went off in my head, - Ron's was clearly thinking of Susan when he talked to Harry and had no idea that Tracey had jumped to the front of the dating queue (I hadn't told him yet …the latest news on my now rapidly unraveling plot).

Ron was also the only Pure Blood who would get the Thorpe Park analogy. Harry and I dragged him to this Amusement Park a few weeks ago and I have never seen my boyfriend so happy. Even if the fish and chips we got for lunch were so disgusting that even Ron binned half of his. Harry in particular; loved the roller coasters, and Ron kept Harry Company on- **all** -of those rides, which I wouldn't go on, even if someone threatened to hex my head off.

But I'm digressing here.

All the tall single witches in the Ministry hallway began to look disappointed; Tracey, at 5'8" included. On the other hand, the smaller witches began to purr in anticipation.

"The bottom line is …I won't take matchmaking from anyone", Harry said while looking at me hard. "I can find a girl on my own - thank you very much. But Ron knowing about my prolonged dry-spell (single status) decided to help things along … he literally begged me to go along with it. - - He was inches away from a good pounding and I caved like a deck of cards. – He took ' _ **all the blame**_ ' for this crazy idea, and claimed temporary insanity as a defense",

"He's so ruddy happy to be with you, (he says) he just wants the same for me. So his motivation is pure. Ron clearly vouches for the girl in question and has volunteered to take a beating (without complaint) if I have a bad night. - If Ron is willing to risk his neck over this blind date – then the girl must be more than alright. - Hey I can always use another friend in my inner circle … ' _by-the-way'_ , did you know that he was going to do this?" Harry asked me, pressing hard

"You really got mad at him for hooking you-up with a date". I asked sidestepping the question in a deeply worried tone.

"Boiling mad, but it would have been far worse had he sprung it on me… unexpected, at the last second, - Luckily; what my best mate didn't know was that I had already made dating plans for this weekend and my telling him that I had to pass on dinner tonight … might have been the catalyst for Ron telling me what he had set up", Harry explained. "You should have seen him … sweating bullets; when I told him I already had a date for this weekend".

"You already have a date lined up for the entire weekend? I said in stunned disbelief.

"You sound so surprised, It took me a long time to set up, I admit that …probably a-lot longer than what was taken to set-up my 'two' blind dates", Harry said in a sour tone while looking at me fiercely_ and then I remembered … that Padma had know all the details (drat the rumor mill) of the TWO witches going after Harry.

"What's wrong with a few dates, especially if Ron is willing to vouch for them?" - I asked weakly.

"Doesn't matter … I'm not interested. - I can find my own lady … and have - thanks", he said as his sour mood changed instantly for he was suddenly …all but bubbling over with happiness.

I don't remember Harry moods changing so abruptly and that was worrisome … prior to his one and only 'disastrous date' with 'wet kisser' Cho Chang, he'd never been this animated about a date … even being with Ginny he hadn't been this up-beat …so how could I possibly do worse by setting him up for a couple of dates. - And yet here I stood, with my brilliant plan in ruins.

Ron had tried to warn me, but only now did I see with my own eyes; how strongly Harry negatively reacted to the news that he had been set-up for a blind date… even one arranged by a trusted friend. - I had completely forgotten how much Harry hated being manipulated by Dumbledore. I forgot, but Ron hadn't, he'd taken the blame for my idea. He was willing to take a pounding to protect me. Sweet Baby Maeve … I love that man.

"If you are wondering about my new outfit", Harry said interrupting my thoughts. "I bought it (with expert help) to impress my date. I also took the day off yesterday and today as well in the desperate hope that my- ' _rencontre en face a face_ ' – with my dream girl will be just the beginning of something fantastic. - I think that out of all her features, it's her hair I like the best. That long, silky and silver-blonde hair grabs my heart and makes me want to learn Veela poetry."

"Silver-blonde?" I choked out, suddenly feeling my stomach clench in an unimaginably painful way. Tracey was a brunette!

"Yeah," he agreed, looking at me strangely. "You remember Fleur's bridesmaid /friend, Melissa, don't you, from the wedding?"

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To be continued.


	7. Chapter 7

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 7

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 **Billybob goes into his traditional rant Number 1** : Anyone who has read my stuff … (the five or six of you) knows that on occasion, I go over the deep end and explode into a rant … so here goes: - As a huge Ron fan, a rarity these days (regretfully) whenever possible I like to dispel the on-going misimpression that Ron would cheat-on or be physically abusive to Hermione, thus taking away the ultra lame basses (foundation) of ninety-nine percent of the justification for Dramoine and Harmione fan-fiction, when they (Harmione writers) allow Ron to be alive. – _Growl, snarl… hiss_

Secondly: I dislike intensely the overt 'Ron bashing' going on in fan-fiction right now. – _counting to ten … staying calm_ \- Especially; when that translates to the thought that he would pine-away or ' _wither on the vine_ ' without the supreme Goddess Granger, dictating every aspect of his life.

Many boys (my-self included) had a crush on a girl in middle school or high school, and survived when (my) or - 'their'- personal goddess didn't notice that they were alive. In case the original ' _seven novels epilog_ ' coming true … now unlikely, thanks to JKR (a limited run play, that not everyone will see ...won't fix this) – bottom line … I'm sure that Ron in any post Hermione existence …would move-on and flourish.

Along those lines, in this tale

 **Billybob goes into his traditional rant Number 2:** Susan exposes that she … among a host of others (girls) fancied Ron while at Hogwarts - - and more importantly, he has relationship experiences than two unnamed witches (during his two year separation from a openly dating other people Hermione) these witches did more than a slap and tickle with the Hero (Ron … not Harry) - In this tale, as you have might have noticed … Ron is not an inexperienced virgin … he's a average guy, neither rich or poor, he has his own business and works for himself, not George. - He's more powerful than Harry magically …but downplays it to the point of taking beatings from his less powerful friend … especially when he thinks he deserves it. - Ron is to me the kind of best-mate that I inspire to be, loyal, fun to be around, generous. That's the Ron I hope you see in this tale.

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**Warning … This chapter contains the 'biggest single chunk' that I took from Jeconais original story (I swear) of course I tweaked it a-tad to conform with my distorted vision of things to come.

**Pensives do more to hurry a story along, than anything else I can think of (E. Watson)

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This is, as the other chapters have been so far, is primarily set from Hermione's P.O.V.

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Do you remember how the last chapter ended?

"Silver-blonde?" - I choked out, suddenly feeling my stomach clench in an unimaginably painful way. Tracey was a brunette!

"Yeah," he agreed, looking at me strangely. "You remember Fleur's bridesmaid and best friend, Melissa, don't you … from the wedding?"

88**88

I suppose that this is a good time to go back and bit and explain who this Melissa girl is.

In fact, just imagine some wavy lines and cartoony fade away, as I utilize a convenient plot device … the infamous; 'pensive style, flashback' to go off on a wild tangent centering on Bill and Fleur's wedding; of August 1st. 1997

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"Who's that?" I asked, as Fleur squealed and dived, half-way across the Marquee at a new arrival.

"I have no idea," Ron answered. "We could go over there and find out?"

"Good plan," I agreed, ignoring the banality of our dialogue, and we walked over to the other side of the Marquee that had been hired for Fleur and Bill's wedding on Saturday at the Burrow.

"'Ermione, Ron, thiz iz Melissa," Fleur said in thickly accented English, "My maid de honor and best friend."

"Hi," Melissa said, with just the softest of French accents.

"Hi," I replied, a little frostily, wanting to hate this prefect woman (perhaps a Veela) standing in front of me.

"Hi," Ron squeaked next to me (in a semi-daze)

** Definitely a Veela

Melissa seemed to sigh slightly, "I'll see you later," she said to Fleur, and backed away. I was about to say something, when Fleur glared at us. - - "I 'ad 'oped that you were over this silly behavior", she snapped at us. "Melissa means ze world to me!" She stormed off, leaving us both gasping at the space she had just occupied.

"So," Harry said, as he suddenly appeared in said empty space. "You two look like freshly smacked puppies."

"Harry!" I complained.

Ron meanwhile; grinned unrepentantly. "Yeah, nothing new there – Fleur and her best-mate are part Veela and I have somehow offended them both, by becoming enthralled. Otherwise; what's up?"

"Fleur just shouted at us," I interjected hotly.

"You should stay away from Veela's mate, you can't resist their magic" Harry said harshly to Ron, before saying to me with obvious scorn: "The caterers are meeting with Molly and Aimée, why don't you two go and make sure that they remember that there will be Muggle guests here, and that pumpkin juice is not the only drink in the entire world."

"Harry, what are you suggesting?" Ron gasped with a horrified look on his face.

"I'm suggesting… that if I see another pumpkin anything, it better be carved into a scary face for Halloween. I want something stronger than cider dammit. Oh hell … I'm sorry; I need to get my head on straight …so I'll catch you later." And with that, he did a passable attempt at vanishing … Only, without the magic.

"He didn't mean it, did he?" Ron asked.

"I think he did," I admitted. "I like pumpkin juice, really I do, but there are times when I'd kill for a diet Coke."

"A what?" - Ron mumbled under his breath, as he marched me by the elbow, all the way over to his and Fleur's mothers. "We're under orders", he announced stiffly his words slightly … forced.

"Oh?" Aimée asked.

"Yeah, we have heard that ' _someone'_ has committed beverage heresy," Ron continued as his eyes began to glaze over.

"Ahh," Molly interrupted with a smile. "That issue has already been covered - hasn't it?" she asked the caterer.

"Excuse me?"

"Muggle drinks," Molly prompted.

"Oh, yes, of course," the caterer replied. "We've ordered: Coke, diet Coke, Fanta Root-beer, R Whites Lemonade, as well as sparkling and distilled water. For the adults there will be a cash bar: serving … ale, bottled beer, several different types of wine and Champaign."

"Get a couple of crates of Becks as well," Harry said as he joined the conversation with the same style in which he had left us earlier.

The caterer scribbled a note down at the bottom of his list. Harry moved around and scanned the list. "Whiskey, bourbon … Brilliant," he said cheerfully. "You two have done wonders," he said to Molly and Aimée, who both blushed.

Harry steered the caterer away, talking to him in a low voice.

"Does he do that a lot?" Aimée asked.

"Yeah; Ever since the Astrometry tower battle, when Albus bought it", Ron said while slightly slurring his tone and without his usual diplomacy. - I suspected he was being affected by Aimée who was naturally …a Veela.

"He does channel James's anger a lot more often these days," Molly said in a worried tone. "How's he doing at school?"

"He was accepted into the N.E.W.T's program … Hermione too, because she way beyond being ruddy brilliant"… Ron said with pride and without his usual embarrassment (no redness in his ears) while avoiding any mention of him-self. Harry was right … Ron has zero defense against even tightly controlled Veela magic … how utterly pathetic. - - however; Due to his unsolicited praise, I blushed … slightly.

"Is he dating anyone?" Molly asked; as she observed Harry, watching from a respectful distance intently every move that Melissa made.

"He gets along with the other blokes just fine," I reluctantly added. "But he doesn't talk, all that much …to girls."

"Why ever not?" Aimée asked.

"Good question," I agreed. "Part of it comes from his upbring by Muggle's; horrible people, the lot of them. - A larger part of his shyness comes from (I think) his fame, which he detests. - Being treated as a celebrity by almost everyone, has made him unusually distrustful of strangers and also makes him feel awkward and shy around other people his own age."

Molly nodded. "He did date my Ginny last term, didn't he?"

"That he did", Ron confirmed with unusual candor, "but then he 'ended it' with my sister, at Dumbledore's funeral and no one knows what he is thinking anymore … especially about birds."

"Birds are like race horses, you'll go broke a dozen times over, before a bloke can figure out what's in their heads", Harry said, putting his arms around both me and Ron as he suddenly reappeared between us. "If you'll excuse us, we need to have a little chat about keeping our brains to ourselves." And before Aimée and Molly could react, he'd steered us both away and into the main house.

"Am I going to have to pontificate at you?" he demanded.

"Pontificate … really - Where do you get these huge words?" - Ron growled sounding more like himself. – "It's Hermione, isn't it? – You've been spoon feeding him all this; ' **toff** ' rubbish. Do I need to carry-about a bloody dictionary to understand my best mates?"

"Ronald … language", I said harshly.

"What I meant is … do I have to repeat my warning about getting enthralled …RON?" Harry shouted in a short tempered tone.

"He's right you know," I said, frowning at him. "Fleur and her maid of honor are both Veela's ... right?"

"Fleur is only half, but her mother and maid of honor are 'Full' Veela," Harry agreed.

"Well that explains a-lot", Ron uttered, "having just faced a pair of Veela ... one after another.

"Full Veela's", Harry corrected sternly, "are rumored to be telepathically gifted".

"Telepath's", I said in a worried tone.

"Hence the need for the hopelessly 'dimwitted' to stay, as far away from them as possible", Harry continued with unusual harshness … and whenever Harry went into one of his foul mood funks … Ron (as usual) - 'took the piss' -without complaint.

"Melissa got into you head a-little; didn't she?" I asked sharply and when Ron's ears turned a-tad red, I had my answer. – "I'm sure it doesn't help, that being Veela actually increases ten-fold, the impact of being stunningly beautiful".

"And that excuses your frosty greeting?" Harry asked rounding on me and sounding angry

I blushed, "No," I said meekly.

"What about you, Ron?" Harry asked.

"I wasn't frosty," he admitted. - "I was enthralled and I mean … right from the off".

"Yes, you were", so stay away from all silver haired Veela's that can read minds". Harry demanded (he was clearly on edge about something … but what?) "Hermione; I don't worry about … but you Ron, clearly fit in the category of weak minded".

Ron was hurt by Harry's insensitive comment, I could tell, but at that point of time, I was ignoring; on a regular bases, anything bad that happened to Ronald, preferring instead to 'fixate' on Harry, for to me at that moment (during the summer after sixth year) Harry was a living GOD.

"Right-then … Ron; consider yourself spanked", Harry said with unbending harshness. "Now, let's get on with the solving of the 'offended' problem."

I searched through my memory. The problem for me is that ' _Melissa the full Veela_ ' is almost perfect. It's an instinctive reaction, whenever I encounter anything 'better' than me. I hate all Veela's for making me feel so inferior, as a woman_ and I hated all males for their perfectly natural desire to jump Melissa's irritatingly perfect bones. - Why Ron being enthralled 'again' affected me so strongly … I had no clue." … (It happened first, during 'fourth-year' and it irritated me back then too)

"So a Full Veela affects both of you very differently - males get enthralled and enslaved by their hormones and females feel threatened and intimidated. - Hmm," Harry mused as he turned his gaze unto me. - "That gives me an idea. Now correct if I wrong, but didn't you tell me once, that a dimwitted male while holding the hand of a threatened female, greatly reduces the effect of a full Veela's magic on both mortal genders".

"True enough, I read all about it in …" I began only to be abruptly interrupted.

"… Not Now Hermione", Harry all but shouted. "I don't have the time for one of your long-winded, boring lectures on trivia that no one cares about… beyond lovesick Ron. Making amends here is too bloody-important to - ME. So the both of you; suck-it-up, take hands and then come with me so we can fix this mess … **Now**."

I was stunned beyond description, Ron too. - Harry's indiscrete behavior was appalling and for the life of me I didn't know why. We meekly obeyed him (of course) which was how the three of us ended up' sitting down with Melissa and trying to have a normal chat over the ever so traditional remedy for anything … a British cuppa of tea and biscuits.

88**88

"So," I said into the slightly awkward silence. "How do you know Fleur?"

Melissa smiled a-little. "We were friends growing up; I was devastated when she went away to the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic."

"Why didn't you go too?" Ron asked in a slightly trembling voice. His face looked strained as he tightened his grip on my hand, and using that connection as a mental anchor he managed to interject a few words 'here and there'. I was actually quite impressed.

"Oh no," Melissa replied, "I was not allowed to attend a Wizarding school."

"Not allowed?" I echoed her words into a question.

Melissa winced. "I am a full Veela," she explained. "I can affect most human males, even when I'm trying not to (like now) because; my magic naturally leaks (a little) … but have no fear, now that I know how badly I'm leaking, I shall use this very conversation to gage what kind of spell is required to reduce my effect even more, on mere humans. - - As you no-doubt noticed, Aimée (Fleur's mother) control of her leaking is vastly superior to mine. I will speak to her after this, to rein in my effects before the wedding". –

"We can't have the groom enthralled during the ceremony ...No?" Melissa continued with a soft smile – "That a full Veela enthralling magic is so strong, was the main reason why; I went to a school exclusively for Veela. Fleur has far better control than I and did not want to be so insular, and for the sake of our survival …as a race, I agreed with her."

"Oh; Fleur leaked a little while at Hogwarts, but it wasn't half this bad". - I admitted without intending too, gesturing at a weak willed Ron to demonstrate the effects. "My parents were also greatly concerned about my accidental magic after I turned ten. I accept that they still have those concerns, for they don't like me interacting (at all) with their Muggle friends and coworkers. Which is the reason (I imagine) that I was sent to Hogwarts instead of - Stoutings School for Young Ladies, like my Mum." (Why in hell did I just admit that?)

Melissa smiled at me and I squeezed Ron's hand even harder. With Melissa's gaze on me, I fought with my feelings of inadequacy, knowing in my soul that my parents greatly preferred the company of my adopted Vietnamese 'younger-sister' and her fashion model good looks inviting smile and prefect teeth. Each tooth was perfectly shape and gleaming with health.

I had come dangerously close to admitting_ **out-loud** … why I never took either of my magical friends for a visit to my home. - I never intended to tell a soul about this and only by crunching down the Veela inspired urge to tell the truth, did I avoid saying aloud, how often I had competed against my younger-sister for my parent's attention and had lost… every single time.

As I grew older I realized that my never ending quest to be first in everything traced back to seeking the approval of parent's that only barely tolerated magic (they considered it a genetic deformity). - Actually; they regarded me as handicapped in two ways (anti-social behavior and magical) and although I lacked for nothing (materialist) - I wasn't the daughter that they showed off to their friends … 'Jin-Lee' was.

"So; how long have you two been dating?" Melissa asked interrupting my thoughts of failure.

"We aren't", I said a little too fast, "My research indicates that a female's tactual contact with a male greatly reduces the effects of Veela magic on both and more importantly, reduces the risk of the male becoming enthralled."

"Bravo, you came prepared. Very few go to the trouble", Melissa said. "But I notice that you aren't touching Harry, why is that … ah, Occlumency

"Yes" … Harry said sounding impressed. If he too was struggling against being enthralled, it didn't show.

"What is it like?" Melissa asked.

"Occlumency" Harry asked

"No"

"Dating?" I countered politely.

Melissa nodded.

"You've never dated?" Harry said sounding surprised

"Alas; no, I am Full Veela, and well … the wizards I tend to meet are normally high diplomats which represent heads of state. Generally my husbands are younger than I (eighty-two, was the youngest) and see me primarily as the means to an end. To my kingdom, As the first born of my clan, I am the physical representative of the Veela, used to seal an alliance between my people and other Wizarding governments. – Due to the massive age differences between my mortal husbands and an exceptionally long lived Veela like myself (she wouldn't tell me her actual age ... drat it all) I have been widowed twice already."

"Widowed twice … with no offspring's, your husband's must have been very short on erection staying power", - Ron suggested in a deeply strained voice.

I was horrified at Ron's vulgarity, Harry was to

"You have some knowledge of Veela culture … yes?" Melissa said not appearing to be offended at all.

"Yes high-born, but only in a limited historical context". Ron admitted with effort.

"Then you perhaps know that making love to a full Veela is both physically and emotionally … draining, to the point of producing physical harm to the male", Melissa said looking with interest at Ron.

"Meaning that both of your husband's died in the saddle", Ron said unable to hold his tongue while she was looking at him so intently.

"Ronald" I finally managed to shout, feeling utterly outraged, and Harry clearly agreed with me; I could tell, from the look on his face.

"These two do not understand, but you do", Melissa said to Ron, sounding pleased.

"I am far from an expert High-Born", Ron replied as stress-sweat poured down his face. "I ask for your forbearance in this matter, as both of my friends were brought up without any in depth knowledge of any culture beyond English Muggle.

"Political marriages are barbaric", I interjected harshly …without thinking. - Which earned me a sharp look of reprimand from Harry?

"I expected no less from a short lived mortal". – Melissa said as she turned to face me head-on. -"Fleur has told me about you… Told me (she did) of your total intolerance for other magical races customs and their traditions. Your negative gut reaction to the Wizarding culture (for example) is not based on ignorance, (that: at least, would be forgivable) instead your arrogant attitude is centered on the 'Alleged' superiority of the way the Muggle's do things".

"In many things, the Muggle way is superior, we for example have eliminated slavery" I said fiercely.

"To lie to me is foolish or are you lying to yourself. - You have already tried and failed to impose your Muggle cultural values of freedom on the magical race of House-elves and that didn't work …did it? (Your zeal nearly killed one). - One would have thought you would have learned from that experience … pity. - - Besides; only a delusional nitwit doesn't know that slavery still exists in large parts of your Muggle world, as does the religiously condoned rape of non-believers and the unrepentant murder of 'trans' and' gays',"

"A temporary setback", I hissed, feeling deeply insulted.

"I'm afraid that we will have to ' _agree to disagree_ ' on this issue", Melissa said with barely concealed disdain mixed with a touch of sympathy - as if future discussion over different cultures with a dimwit (me) would only be a colossal waste of her time. - It was like Lucius talking down to Dobby … I was furious.

Harry appeared more mad at me than I have ever seen him and was about to get up and rip my head off, when Ron once again defused the situation by saying. "Are you then 'currently' single, high-born?"

"Temporarily only I'm afraid", Melissa said sadly, as she turned her full attention back to Ron. I felt Ron's whole body stiffen as his hand gripped mine even tighter … he was distracting the Veela from me and I instantly felt the calming effects.

"Mother and Father are both full Veela; a very rare combination among my race. Melissa said in a more conversational tone. "Have you ever seen a female Centaur; Ronald?" –

"No high-born", he managed to utter.

"Male Veela are equally very hard to find and such pairing (Full on Full) usually resulted in giving birth to only girls (I have 43 younger sisters)", Melissa declared. – "My father has ten other wives and is under constant pressure to take more. Such multiple marriages are common in my culture – polygamy is a matter of a cultural choice, and therefore not regulated by law. - Fleur's mother on the other hand, took a single wizard as husband with the hope of producing a desperately needed male Veela.

"But she got two girls instead, Fleur and Gabrielle", Harry said drawing Melissa gaze off of Ron, who had nearly collapsed from the weight of leaked Veela magic.

"Yes … Aimée still has hopes of having a son; as a full Veela stays fertile well beyond their one hundredth and eightieth birth celebration. It's very difficult to conceive male Veela's … even when we consciously control 'when' we conceive. In desperation to avoid imminent extinction, some of 'us' in the nobility have volunteered (Like the Centaurs do) to seek mates outside of our species. I actually envy you magical humans as 'Mother Nature' has made it so easy to replace, the staggering numbers 'your kind' lost during the Gellert Grindelwald uprising.

"I find that the very idea of being a baby factory … highly offensive", I snarled.

"I'm sure you do", Melissa said as she regarded me with obvious distain. "The concept of male hating females is not a new one. The Amazon culture of warrior women existed well before (and since) the high water mark of the Greeks. - As Veela females out number Veela males by a ratio of nine to one (normally), our solution to the problem of racial survival is a unique culture, which works for us. - What Muggle's call radical feminists; those women who (like your-self) have no desire to continue the species, end up having a vital place in our society; but at a cost".

88**88

** post chapter notes**

The quote attributed to E. Watson is a fake, but seeing her name, most likely brought a smile to your face.

88**88

To be continuted


	8. Chapter 8

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 8

This is the second part that contains the 'biggest single chunk' that I took from Jeconais original story (I swear) of course I tweaked it a-tad to conform with my distorted vision of things to come

88**88

Remember this is primarily from Hermione's P.O.V. just before Bill's wedding and her thoughts reflect her thinking … AT THAT TIME

88**88

Do you remember how the last chapter ended?

88**88 - - flashback

"I find that the very idea of being a baby factory … highly offensive", I snarled.

"I'm sure you do", Melissa said as she regarded me with obvious distain. "The concept of male hating females is not a new one. The Amazon culture of warrior women existed well before (and after) the high water mark of the Greeks. - As Veela females out number Veela males by a ratio of nine to one (normally), our solution to the problem of racial survival is a unique culture, which works for us. - What Muggle's call radical feminists; those women among us, who (like your-self) have no desire to continue the species, end up having a vital place in our society; but at a cost".

** Lets resume the conversation … shall we?

88**88

"For your information, I don't actually hate all males, just most of the Neanderthals types I've encountered up to now", I said sternly.

"And how many cavemen have you encountered", Harry snorted.

"I'm not counting you among the 'knuckle draggers', Harry" - I replied.

"But I am a Neanderthal … right?" Ron asked me

"Yes", I replied without hesitation

"We Veela discovered long ago, that no culture can be saved by unborn children", Melissa said, "and when the most radical among us (male haters), reject any interaction with anything that does not directly advance their careers … ' _like you'_ (she said pointing directly at me) we Veela took the most logically appropriate steps. – As a result our culture heavily encourages any budding-feminist (at a very young age) to forego any thought to their 'femininity' and reject any maternal instincts and dedicate their lives to the 'service to the kingdom' (military and civil-servants).

"Is no compromise possible?" Ron asked while looking worried at me.

"We found that our people can't serve two masters …self-centric ambition or the self-sacrifice of motherhood for the benefit of our race. Those with a foot in both camps end up betraying both".

' _Now Ron was really worried … such a fool, for not realizing that his feelings for me are unrequited_ ', I said to myself, feeling rather smug.

"As we Veela are blessed (or cursed) with an extraordinary high birthrate among females, my race can afford to be generous in allowing those like you, (again she pointed toward me) to be as self-centric as they like – for it is a lonely existence that you covet so much. Being a mother on the other hand ... is highest calling there is, a sacrifice of for the continuation of our race and culture that is without parallel. With the help of a supportive life-mate, nothing is impossible … love and happiness in abundance, but males that are truly supportive are exceptionally rare among the Veela", Melissa said while glancing hard at Ron.

"Veela who deny their maternal duty to join our military are compensated with monetary and positional rewards for their life-long service to the state. - - Ronald would you be so kind as to explain further", Melissa said while turning toward Ron and directing her full magic on him (a clear demonstration of her power for my benefit) I got caught in the magical backwash and it nearly knocked me off my chair.

"This cultural set-up", Ron continued in a fully enthralled monotone. "Invariably divides the Veela culture into three distinct parts, a limited number of fragile highly protected breeding males - - the breeding females population who try to continue the existence of their species and the asexual (career centric) that dominate their military and government – They like their counterparts in business are heavily discourage by tradition and law, to avoid interacting in any sexual way with the limited number of Veela breeding males"

"Some of the governing matriarchs don't approve of our multiple decades experiments with other species (humans among them) calling it a waste of precious eggs in relation to the children actually produced", Melissa interjected while holding up a hand and thus stopping Ron in mid-sentence. Melissa's control of him was total and yet when she looked in Harry's direction, Melissa seemed unusually pleased that unleashing her full power had little to no effect on him … at all (I on the other hand can't describe how much I felt belittled).

. – "The odd thing is … the non-reproductive Veela is 'almost without exception' the most fanatical supporters of the 'Breeder Faction' and our attempt to continue our species. – We have engaged in repeated experiments with other magical races (such as the Centaurs and Satyrs) and discovered to our great regret, that conception with them is impossible. – In fact; internal Veela hetero-sexual relationships with our males don't result in multiple pregnancies precisely because our men do not go into heat with same frequency as you human wizards do. - Fleur has told me that her William can go into heat as often as three times in an hour and repeat the multiple copulating experience … several times a day. This is not an experience that I have had, but perhaps the age of my human husbands, discourages mating stamina." Melissa said while looking with longing at Harry.

"…The ruling class is entirely female?" I asked sounding incredibly pleased.

"Yes … the Veela have always been ruled by women. The anti-breeding faction can climb as far as their skill-set takes them … all the way up to the matriarchal governing council (our equivalent of your Minister of Magic and the Wizengamot) and even in business women usually control everything financially",

"Ronald; continue please", Melissa said.

"But this career centric existence comes at a steep price; the entire reason for the existence of the non-breeding faction is the continuation of their race and culture" An enthralled monotone Ron continued on like a robot. "Its' simple really …without children the Veela become extinct. - The ever declining numbers of Veela males in recent decades is most likely the key factor behind the Veela going after human breeders. Even a pathetic 'hybrid' half-blood is better than no Veela at all.

Curiosity won-over my self-loathing enough for me to ask. "Why is the breeding 'burden' exclusively heaped on the shoulder female Veela. Why aren't Veela the males doing their part in increasing the herd", I said with thick contempt. Harry, hearing this turned and gave me a threatening look.

"Ronald; do you have an answer for this ill-mannered bitch?" Melissa replied harshly.

" _Well-well_ " I said to myself feeling pleased " _I've apparently struck a nerve_ " as I decided that henceforth; I shall permanently hate … all Veela.

"I can only assume that you've noticed that there are no male Veela here (attending the wedding)", Ron declared like a puppet on strings. "I'm told that the average pure male Veela are fragile things … small in physique, anorexically thin and 'sickly looking creatures' with albino-like complexions and tissue-paper thin skin. - I have personally never seen a male Veela breeder (even in pictures) but it is rumored that Nature itself decreed the annihilation of the Veela, multiple century's ago_ and only the accidental discovery by a randy female that the Veela culture could in fact crossbreed with magical humans, forestalling their extinction. Only the females can breed with us … their males become physically sick (without exception) just from our body odor (smell) or smallest touch of human flesh".

"The Breeders faction of which Melissa is a-part … has high hopes of crossbreeding a hybrid with a much stronger constitution (stamina) that will 'over time' fix the current male Veela physique problem. - They believe this because they have observed what we have done within our Wizarding culture with the mixing of pure-bloods with Muggle's; producing generations of bastardized squibs with dormant magical genes that over time created the very Muggleborn's that have slowly threatened to become the majority".

"That's ridiculous … there is no written evidence that supports…" I began

"…You have done very well Ronald, your common sense understanding of our plight is remarkable", Melissa interrupted me and sounding enormously pleased. "The matriarchs of my family group (called a pride in my culture) – agree wholeheartedly with Ronald's theory and have high hopes concerning marriages like your brother William to my Fleur. In fact my government has recently begun to heavily encourage young Veela to hook-up with fertile wizards instead of our own males, a trend that will only increase in the coming years. To save my race I have committed myself to marry appropriately and only to the strongest of Wizarding breeders", she said this in a casual tone while looking with longing at Harry.

" _Did he notice, I wonder_? I asked myself

"Ronald; do carry-on", was the Veela command.

"It doesn't take all that much evidence to come to this conclusion; for the parallels in our magical culture are plain to see. The blood-purists marriage rituals of the Wizarding world have resulted in an ever shrinking number of pure offspring. The Malfoy family (for example) has produced only a single male legitimate heir … pre-generation for the last century… or more, thus; negative population growth. - If Lucius and Draco were to die, the entire Malfoy bloodline could conceivably end", Ron managed to mumble still in a semi-daze, "For decades before our civil-war, this dwindling supply of pure blood stud bulls has more or less doomed the fanatical elite to extinction".

"I can see that as a possibility," but I sense you disagree with the consensus on this issue", Melissa said as she turned back her full attention to Ron.

"Listening to Ron has always a wise thing for me to do; Melissa". Harry interjected in a soft almost intimate tone. "I can always depend on Hermione here for the socialist utopian theory (mostly rubbish) with Ron on the other hand, seeing things as they really are, giving me the down to earth (practical) prospective."

"I can see that your two closest friends; represents the bipolar opposites in alchemy, the theoretical (white queen) versus the practical (red king)… Bravo Harry well done", Melissa said in a knowing tone. "Just remember this warning … if you must choose between them, keep the practical".

"Ronald" she commanded again after a pause …"go on".

"There are exceptions to any rule, but that too is cultural and upbringing based. - Draco is an only son of his father; because sex to a snake is duty and not an act of love. - I on the other hand am the sixth son of Arthur; with our families' outlook on sex, far more… healthy. The Weasley clans are known for being overly fruitful and multiplying and our clan is huge … with loads of, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews. We practice tough love, but our delight in family is profound", Ron said.

"I sincerely hope your Clan's tendency to produce an abundance of male offspring's continues - William was chosen by my Fleur with that fact, clearly in mind", Melissa added thoughtfully.

"My mum figured that out after noticing Fleur's unusually aggressive pursuit of her oldest son. I personally believe and can't prove", a 'thralled' Ron said while looking briefly at me with disappointment (an unproven theory is just that … I said more than once). – "My personal theory is that the old elite's devotion to purity is only half of their problem. They have produced generation after generation of pure-blooded witches that think their sole propose in life is 'purist' reproduction. Their men don't think that lovemaking to their wives is any fun. And as there are spells that determine when a witch ovulates… "

"… Oh I see where you are going", Melissa said in delight. "Your pure blood witches are taught that sex is not for pleasure, so they give and expect none; their men think that for sexual enjoyment they have to go elsewhere".

"There are witches today like pug-Pansy that men like Draco; don't want to touch with a ten foot pole, because they are considered ice queen 'frigid' and 'unresponsive', so where does a Randy pure blood wizard go to get off?"

"RONALD BILIUS don't you dare"… I shouted feeling offended by the vulgar subject matter. I should point out that I was a large prude at the time of Fleur's wedding during the summer after sixth year, but idiotic Ron was too enthralled to notice.

**(Time frame is vital in a pensive memory like this – and attitudes can change over time) –

"Shut it Hermione, what Ron is saying is the practical truth" … Harry spat at me.

"The purist elite go off and find a beautiful Muggle, (often targeting married ones) they hit her with an 'imperious curse' and bang the shite out of a woman that's - _spell inspired_ \- to shag a perfect stranger senseless. If the purist doesn't kill the Muggle outright, he goes home satisfied while leaving his victim behind …with no memory of what she had done. - Nine months later the magical culture of England gets a squib (which the Muggle's husband thinks is his) a child with hidden magical gene which generations later, results in a noticeable increase …" ,

Ron then stuttered for a-bit before recovering … (showing he was still fighting against being enthralled) "and …and, and - - a tenfold increase … in the birth rate of Muggleborn's; like the ever brilliant and totally beautiful Miss Granger here. - - I therefore; personally believe that the Grindelwald and Riddle Uprisings of the pure blood minority (during our current century) were triggered in large part by the growth into prominence of the Muggleborn's, which the purists themselves spawned. "

Melissa giggled cutely. "A profound thought, Monsieur Ronald …bravo … and very worthy of deeper consideration", she said before turning her attention back to me. "Do you know that even a partially enthralled male cannot lie or in any way deceive a full Veela? - I cannot breach Harry's shields, but your Ronald is an open book to me". –

"Yes … a baby book obviously", I snarled.

"Belittling him is second nature to you …is it not? – Melissa continued. "It is a pity"…, she said while looking intently (back and forth) between Ron and I …, "that you two aren't dating, for your Ronald's love and devotion for you, is the strongest I have ever encountered. - - More importantly, his love is wasted on you … because…"

"… I know exactly how deeply Ron feels for me, thank-you … feelings (I might add) that I have never encouraged in the slightest way. - - My affections currently belong to …" I interrupted harshly, earning another look of disapproval from Harry.

"… Yes-yes; your career ambitions continue to draw you toward; Harry, It's obvious to all but one. - But do not fool yourself into believing that genuine feeling is involved. You do not fancy Harry any more than he fancies you. He is the means to a political end for you _and nothing more", Melissa interrupted - "Harry is a wizard that you covet, because of the overwhelming benefit that a genuine hero would have on your all encompassing career.

"That's a Lie!" I shouted.

"There is no need for insults child", Melissa's snarled in warning. "Deep down, you know … I speak true, besides there is no need to despair; you will get all you hope to obtain; career wise. - - However; the cost to you will be high … a loving husband and two adorable children, who will with time not even recognize you in public as their own mother. They will walk away and not look back … all due to the ' _price of success_ ' and the fools who pay it. - - It's a pity really, there is so much more to life than gold. Luckily for you, this destiny can be avoided with extensive therapy.

"Oh I agree, both of my male friends need lots of therapy". I said smugly, not caring that Ron might feel offended

"Not as much as you might think. Regretfully; Harry will never acknowledge his PTSD problems on any level strong enough to seek professional help and Ronald here, the more practical of the pair; will get some therapy to fix a few personal flaws but otherwise will prove to be, surprisingly resilient", Melissa predicted. - "I was speaking more about your need for therapy, child … as you are the one that must change the most, if the fate I speak of … is to be avoided. Being such a dedicated anti-social, workaholic and perfectionist – will always make any normal human interaction, nearly impossible for you", the Veela said with some satisfaction

"There is nothing wrong with me, it's the magical world that's broken" I declared smugly

"Are you a seer?" - Ron asked a moment later …deeply fearing the Veela's 'ridiculous' prediction.

Melissa smiled in a mildly amused way; as I sat there unable to speak from resentment. –

"Foretelling the future is a gift often given to full Veela, but the visions I have are often confusing and contradicting. I consider them to be mere foreshadowing of things that- ' _might_ ' -happen, but an outcome that can change with effort. – Actually: it is a tradition in my culture to invite a full Veela seer to a wedding of importance … like this one. The blessing of a truth teller is often critical".

"And what did the Veela seer foretell for this wedding …noble born", Ron asked clearly worried.

"Their union (Bill and Fleur) will be both happy and long lasting, their love shall produce within the next six years …three healthy and bright offspring's … including one … quarter-Veela boy", And then some forty-five years from now" Melissa said with obvious delight. "Fleur will go into her second fertile cycle and will give William another girl and two Veela boys. She has already picked out all six names. - - with William's lifespan (as a wizard) lasting well beyond his third semicenturay (150) multiple birth cycles are not uncommon".

"Multiple birth cycles …for me … no way", I declared with earnest

"Of that, I do not doubt … for Ronald however, its remains a distinct possibility", Melissa said softly and with utter conviction. - - I heard all this; but it did not register as remotely believable (at that time) in my mind even one child was too many.

"Sometimes", Melissa continued. "I find myself agreeing with my parents about marriage. - Mortals make breeding so complicated, but I have found that a quick bang of my head against a wall makes my own reproductive worries go away."

Harry laughed, and Melissa smiled brighter at him. She looked at him knowingly, appraisingly, and I got the sense that she knew more about the future than she was letting-on.

Harry absently conjuring a white rose as he whispered to Melissa in a husky tone. "I've got this for you, Princess," she smiled back with a come-hither look that I found threatening – was she trying to chat-up my Harry?

"Harry," I scolded, "there's no need to invent cute nicknames for everyone."

Harry laughed a little too hard as Melissa blushed as she brought the rose up to her nose and inhaled deeply (danger-danger …sparks flying).

"You didn't recognize her ring?" Ron asked weakly, interrupting my train of thought. His shirt was covered in sweat from the magical strain. I know he felt 'abused' and 'discarded' like a used hand towel … but neither Harry or I ... frankly gave a damn.

My eyes immediately dropped to her hand, and sure enough, there was noble crest on it, that I didn't recognize.

"Can we all pretend that I've asked the obvious question?" Ron asked his voice still trembling.

Melissa blushed even harder (it was so adorably cute, I wanted to strangle her)

"May I humbly present the 'Grand Duchess' … Melissa Marguerite de Flandres," Ron continued with great formality and then continued a moment later, in an aside to Harry and I. - - "The sole Heir to the Royal throne of all Veela living in France. She is also a first-cousin to the Spanish speaking Veela rulers of Portugal and Spain",

Melissa was blushing furiously now.

"How the hell do you –of all people – know about this?" Harry demanded to know.

"Cuthbert Binns was universally despised for being a ghost that was fixated on goblin rebellions", Ron explained in a near exhausted voice while looking straight at Harry, thus avoiding eye contact with Melissa (who only had eyes for Harry) so the tone of Ron's voice had lost some of its quiver. "However; as we all got time to sleep in his class and for that fact (alone) I'm eternally grateful. However; don't think for one moment that there weren't loads more too magical history than the limited crap that Binns taught".

"You weren't joking earlier … you actually like magical history?" - I asked in stunned disbelief.

"Goblin history, no … it's as boring as watching paint dry", Ron said with more vocal clarity as Melissa was watching Harry so closely. – "But real magical history about witches and wizards, the magical folks that founded our country… who built Hogwarts ... the princes, Kings, queens and knights (doing daring do), oh hell yes. - Percy got me hooked when I was little … did either of you know (for example), that my family tree traces back to the 'Boudica' revolt in Britain. - My ancestry was founded on a disgraced Roman- ' _Primus Pius_ ' -and his slave/wife; a red-haired witch that he acquired as plunder, after the battle of ' _Watling Street_ ' in AD 60. The land the Burrow sits on dates back to that time. - - In fact; most of the chess sets I made during my apprenticeship were based on genuine magical historical events".

"I had no idea", and I actually didn't

"I told you in the presence of a full Veela deception is impossible", Melissa interjected softly with another smile as she rejoined the conversation while never taking her eyes off of Harry.

"Rumor also has it … hint - - hint …that our fair princess here and the rest of magical royalty have the same desire as you do Harry. To be treated as normal people", Ron said fighting to insure that each word made sense. … "As a full Veela; I imagine she would prefer more than anything that we just call her Melissa, rather than by any of her numerous royal titles",

Melissa nodded hard. "Very insightful Monsieur Ronald, you are indeed, full of surprises. But the question remains; Can you three be trusted with my secret?"

"Anytime beautiful", Harry said in a deeply husky tone, "besides; I have a plan."

"Is this a 'Go out and get sloshed plan? Or an 'I'm nipping off of from the Burrow for a bit of sun bathing on the shore at 'Blackpool Sands' near Dartmouth… scheme. - - How about my favorite … we have plenty of time to plan the hunt, Hermione …get things together … supplies and such – plenty of time", I asked all this in a deeply angry tone …while tapping my beaded bag on the table.

"Hmm, none of the above … actually," Harry said with an exaggerated flourish of both hands. "Behold … a wand!"

"Wow," I said as dryly as I could. "What can you do with that, then?"

"I use it to make gestures?" Harry asked impishly, flicking his wand at me. "Anyway, as I'm sure it's escaped your perception, that we're all magical. And with this wand, I can do magic! Such as…"

He waved his wand dramatically, and then pointed it at Melissa. "Chata, wnow, kong bantha, poodoo."

"HARRY JAMES POTTER!" I yelled, rounding on him.

"Yes, Hermione? - He replied sweetly"

"I've accepted wandless magic from you. I've even accepted that occasionally; you feel the urge to say your spells in- 'Klingon' - - - But I will not, under any circumstance, accept you casting spells in Huttan!"

"But…" Harry pouted like a little boy

"No," I demanded. "Swear, here and now, that you will never do that again!"

He looked down like I'd just killed his favorite puppy. "I'm promise," he pouted. "No more Huttan."

"Thank you," I said gratefully.

"What is Klingon … may I ask?" Melissa asked ever so politely.

"It's a made up language from a Muggle T.V. series," I muttered, while turning back to face Melissa; only to find that Melissa now looked different … very different.

The amount of leaked magic was greatly reduced to bearable levels (thank the stars) her hair appeared more normal, banished was the silver-white locks, replaced by a more dulled down silvery blonde mix. - Most adult Veela stood 5'11" but the resized Melissa was noticeably shorter … about 5'6" or maybe, less_ and her features were now less flawless, she was still far more beautiful than me (dammit), but she looked more like a normal pretty human girl. Even the spectacular curves that she once had were now merely great curves. – Bottom line though … she was still flaming HOT (dammit … bloody hell … dammit … I felt so jealous)

"Wow," Ron said in a more normal sounding tone of voice, shaking his head in disbelief.

"What?" Melissa asked warily.

I used my wand perfectly, enunciating the necessary words (in Latin, naturally) to create a mirror with a perfect flick and swish.

"That is me?" Melissa asked.

"Yup," Harry agreed all but swooning at the sight.

Melissa smiled huge – and it was just a pretty girl that thanked Harry profusely, for she had clearly been impressed. He shrugged while blushing super hard… stood-up. "Not a problem … anyway, I am wanted elsewhere, so we hope you enjoy the wedding."

And with that said, hurricane Harry vanished to give his help where ever it was needed. And some places where it probably wasn't wanted, but there are very few people willing to argue with someone who is called the: 'boy who lived'.

"That was- ' **THE'** -Harry Potter?" Melissa asked, barely acknowledging me anymore, or Ron.

"Yes," I said

"He is not what I expected."

"I get that a-lot," I complained while thinking back to the difference between the media Harry and the real wizard. - And that was the moment when it 'FINALLY' … **hit me!** … Harry had been openly 'flirting' with Melissa; a full Veela_ and stranger still, she had been flirting back

"Oh, please; tell me all there is to know …about him?" the princess asked with unexpected interest that confirmed that the flirting had gone on …both ways.

So I did. – As best I could while easily resisting the still strong urge to kill her … even with her magic reduced to a bearable level, I couldn't shake my jealousy and overwhelming envy. So when Melissa got up (briefly) to refill her tea a few minutes later … Ron abruptly let go of my hand, apologized profusely (to me) and then disappeared into the crowd. - He was back a few moments later, like a man entering a Muggle mine-field, in his hand was a dripping wet – ice cold … 'diet coke'.

I should have been deeply touched; as I had only mentioned it in passing three-quarters of an hour ago. But in actuality; I hardly acknowledged this gesture as I tried to shake some circulation back into my nearly crushed hand. - A small bow toward Melissa's empty seat and he was gone again. Ron wasn't seen again (by me) until he appeared out of nowhere and asked me to dance at the wedding.

And so Melissa was normal for a few days. She got to greatly enjoy her best friend's wedding, and made friends as a real person. - - I think that Harry fully realized what sort of gift he had given her – but 'then-again' I had never seen before or since, Harry so openly flirt with a woman.

Of course everyone knows how that 'wedding day' ended, the ceremony was perfect, the reception divine … I even got to dance with Ron … then I saw Viktor, Ron got jealous and finally Death Eaters crashed the party … Oh joy.

And as soon as we parted company, at Fleur's wedding – and barely escaping the reception … with Death Eaters at our heels – there was the ambush at the - _**Muggle Dinner**_ … all of that stuff helped me in forgetting about the ultimate Veela. I was kind of too busy hiding from certain death … and with Ron walking out that tent thinking I had chosen Harry romantically over him – not to mention …the pain in belatedly realizing how much I needed that red-headed (git). –

So I didn't spend a-lot of time in worry about eating that extra slice of pie, (we didn't have any) or not getting up at the crack of dawn to exercise with a professional-trainer, (are you crazy? - that canvas tent was cold and damp most mornings) or even forgetting to remove my eyeliner after a late night date, at one of the finer eating establishments of modern London (yeah …right … as if).

Because I knew (in my soul) that Melissa had never gone for that extra slice of pie, that she had never skipped an exercise session, and she had never forgotten (or needed) to remove any makeup. - The fact that she was (at heart) a nice, intelligent and charming person made her even more irritating to me.

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Did you enjoy the flashback? - - Pensives are great things … aren't they?

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To be continued


	9. Chapter 9

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 9

Original title: Princess by **Jeconais** (from his abandoned section)

 **Rated M** – adult subject matter

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Author's note: - Think of this as a script, from a stage play and read it aloud with that in mind, the pauses I have added will help … then remember your blocking … and enjoy.

Flashback is over, sorry for the interruption - we now rejoin our regularly scheduled story-line broadcast … already in process

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"So, you think your blind date is with Melissa?" I repeated feeling more than a little gob smacked. Full Veela's in their human form are creatures known for their physical perfection. Melissa is the ultimate pure-blood Veela. And it shows.

"Of course I'm going out with Melissa and such an important first date requires that I look my best", Harry said with a warm chuckle. "Then you do remember Fleur's maid of honor bridesmaid … don't you?

"Oh yeah … I remember; Melissa", I squeaked.

"Well, I have waited almost a year for this day and it didn't come easy, let me tell you" Harry said, absently conjuring a hard-backed chair, spinning it around so he could straddle it, and sat in front of me – in the middle of my department's main hallway. I guess he didn't want to walk around to my nearby office to chat privately and it was only belatedly that he conjured me a seat.

"You're going on a date … with Veela royalty?" I repeated in gob smacked disbelief

"You say that as if I going out with Venus the Goddess of love and come to think on it …in a way, I am. (Happy sigh) But what's the big deal … Ron knows all about trying to have a relationship with a 'Living Goddess' … after all, he's trying to date YOU!" - Harry said with obvious scorn. "I swear … sometimes I think that boy must have the patience of a saint, just for putting up with all your politically correct crap".

"There is more to a girl than physical attractiveness; there is a commonality of interests and experiences as well. I want a girl with the same point of view on the magical world as mine. - I like it pretty-much the way it is, it needs to be tweaked here and there … I grant you that, but even with those minor flaws it's …structurally sound. You on the other hand …want to scrap the lot and start over, using the messed up mortal world we both came from as your model. That is a huge mistake. Two world wars, constant minor conflicts throughout the globe, terrorism - makes the Muggle's far more mental … the lot of them, than we are".

"I disagree", I said sternly and with confliction.

"Of course you do. Which brings me to the topic of my love-life and my ' _ **Type**_ ' of girl?" Harry continued. – "I've gradually come to the conclusion that red-heads are loads of fun, great pranksters and generally extra nice people, that are unfortunately 'cursed' with a short fused; red-hot temper (all of them) … as I suffer from violent mood swings my-self, being with a red-head becomes a dangerous combo".

"I warned you about Ginny", I said smugly

"Next in line are the brunettes; some can be cute, but they also tend to be overly serious and condescending – fighting me 'tooth and nail' for dominance and seeming to want to treat 'me' as a child … even now. - - Generally speaking; Hermione …you have single handedly and (I might add) permanently ruined any desire I may ever have had … to be with a brunette".

Tracey's face fell, her expression one of deep disappointment. This reaction equally applied to the other brown haired witches in the hallway

"You know the type I speak of, I'm sure … the irritating_ 'little-mother' type.' He said in an angry tone while glaring at me hard. "So that leaves by process of elimination … a blonde. - Now I sub-divide those into three groups – the Natural type … the roof matching the carpet variety. - The 'naturals' I have encountered; tend to be air heads or sluts - just out for a good time, they don't do loyalty to anyone. - - The bottle blondes are often worse, for they just pretend to be brainless tramps_ and I despise intensely, anyone who isn't real … not comfortable in their own skin … fakes".

"Of course … there are exceptions within these stereotypes that I have encountered, in every hair group. - Dirty blondes who are crazy smart like Luna, for example. The ideal soul-mate however … cannot be determined by hair color, alone".

That leaves only one … the platinum Blonde or more specifically; the silver white locks of some of the high elves of Tolkien's woodland realm_ **or** _a …full Veela. - Now that's the type that gives me a 'woody' in a heartbeat. That's the so hard to get type, which I dream about". - Harry said with unusually strong conviction. – "The type I desire without question. In my book, the classic Veela witch can do no wrong."

"I thought you preferred brunettes," I blurted.

"Were you listening to me - **at all** … 'little-mother' … I barely tolerate you being around as it is and sometimes my patience with your 'nagging' gets strained to the breaking point. – After all I said, what made you remotely think that I fancy birds with brown hair?" Harry asked in a knowing tone.

"The porn had loads of brunettes," I said instinctively – and I really wished I hadn't.

Harry leaned backward. "I thought you didn't go through that pile of porn, before you demanded that Ronnie get rid of it?"

"I needed to know what a certain male in my life found sexually attractive" … I shot back – "and when I got the results, did some research on that subject", I shouted; both telling the truth and withholding some of it, like concealing that the test subject name wasn't a Weasley …as the conversation moved forward.

"Your mistake was in thinking that I went through every page of that rubbish, just to make poor depressed George feel happy, but the true is … I didn't', Harry declared rather smugly. "I also detected a compulsion spell on the pages and it was easy for an Auror (like me) to trace the spell back to you. I got very curious as to why you would go so far just to discover what kind of bird Ron would fancy. Was he just a willing dupe in your research, or did you set him up as well? - I had no idea (at first) what you were up to … so I played along for a-bit and as I don't like porn …I gave it away instead - and no; I didn't give to Seamus, although he was the automatic first choice".

"Thank Merlin for that" I said with relief.

"Finnegan is a terrible gossip; the type that would tell the entire world that I got it from Ron. - - And a rumor like that … floating about the Ministry concerning a sexually frustrated Ron; resorting to porn to get-off … wouldn't help dispel the rapidly spreading 'urban legend' of you being an asexual feminist".

Of course; I felt offended by this accusation as I don't normally 'kiss and tell', so how would anyone know if I was a permanently prudish? but I put my anger aside when out of the corner of my eye, I happened to see Neville Longbottom standing not five paces behind Harry listening hard and blushing furiously, with a stack of herbal 'patents' in his hands (He's patented eight high-bred plants this year alone) … and suddenly; I had a sinking feeling, concerning the identity of the bloke who really fancied … brunettes like Tracey.

"So, anyway … after listening to the Ministry rumor mill; as any good Auror would", Harry continued as his temper got hotter. "I decided that whatever devilry you've come-up with concerning; Davis and Bones … cancel it. - Because over the course of the past year – ' _and_ _my dry spell romantically_ ' - I've decided to take my romantic loneliness … firmly in hand. - Once I had decided to pursue Melissa … I began to pester Fleur on everything she could tell me on the Veela culture, their traditions and courtship rituals. It was like a Muggle ' _full emersion_ ' course in everything French. Learning the language was child's-play after that".

"All that … just to court a Veela" I mumbled in disbelief

"There was a-ton of obstacles … of course", he continued. "Both diplomatic and legal, all of them negotiated by the goblins with Bill Weasley acting as my personal representative.

"But, why … a FULL, Veela?" - I eventually managed to croak out, desperately focusing on him and not on the ruins that was my plan.

"Well, after I finally danced the dainty tango on Voldemort's rotting corpse, I started to have a bit of a think; about what I wanted to do next, and let's face it, getting a family of my own was always a high priority with me." - - Harry was talking in this slightly dreamy voice, and I don't think he even noticed that everyone was listening to every word he said.

"So during my two year stay at the academy … I did a-lot of thinking about the kind of girl that I would want to marry. I'm like Ron in one way for he and I didn't want to play the field via a series of never ending … one night stands. He set his sights on you during our fourth year and can't help but admire his perseverance. - So as I searched through the human herd looking for a perfect match, I kept firmly in mind … my bare minimum criteria".

"The girl had to be special because I want kids … lots of them. – But who could survive in the media fish-bowl that I have to live in? Not many witches could handle being married to a national treasure with the paparazzo photographing absobloodylutely everything we would do. Not an easy existence, I can tell you. – but you've had your own taste of that … haven't you?"

"Yeah … I have", was my sad reply.

"I mean, it's not as if I've been some sort of Casanova up to now" Harry continued. – "Cho was a disaster, and while I enjoyed being with Ginny, in the long run … the very fact that I left her behind …when our camping trip started … sort-of told me, that we would be better off as just friends."

And as I listened, I said to myself … ' _Whether Ginny agreed with that statement or not, didn't seem relevant at the moment'_. As she was in the middle of a fortnight road trip with the_ ' _Holyhead Harpies_ ' _and enjoying a seven match, winning streak.

"Besides - - Ginny is no more ready to 'settle down' than you are", Harry finished. "That girl has a new 'boy-toy' every other week".

"You are spot-on about Ginny, but wrong about me", I weakly replied.

"No …I'm not and Ron is a fool for thinking otherwise. - But 'then again' Ron has been a nutter about you for years. It's his primary weakness. - But I was speaking about my love life not Ron's. - - My 'life mate' - type choice - then became a process of elimination, and while I was becoming a full Auror, I abused my celebrity status (a-lot) to do background check on some of the breeding age witches of greater London, and you have no idea how many there are? - Single witches outnumber single wizards by a lot (due to the war I imagine). Some of these birds are crackers and straining at the bit for a leg-over. You should consider yourself - lucky to have landed Ron when you did, as it's a 'buyer's market' out there".

"Thanks loads for that timely info", I semi-snarled at him for he had struck a nerve, knowing instinctively that the thick contempt in which I spoke, was laced with the genuine fear of ending up alone.

"Thankfully; I'm a-lot like my best mate on another issue, as Ron clearly didn't want the voluptuous type … (obviously)", Harry said while gesturing at me. (I wasn't offended, but I'm sure … Susan would be) "He prefers personality over anatomy, as I do. A partner whose preferences complimented his own… without paralleling them … He thinks that in you he has found his other half … his - _**Anam Cara**_ (soul-mate) two parts making a whole. - - But he's dead wrong about that …isn't he? - - You don't 'need' anyone … do you. Your inability to let him into your soul will be your downfall, just as Melissa predicted. –

"Rubbish', I whispered not believing in fortunetelling.

"You also seek to dominate, your repeated attempts to control me at Hogwarts proves that. - Ron fights you tooth and nail and that's 'also' the core reason, believe it or not" Harry continued, "behind why Pug-Pansy won't get Neville_ that bitch also tries to control things and she's not the type to open her heart to a true Gryffin **dork** like Neville _and deep-down, our favorite Botanist… knows it".

I then glanced in Tracey's direction and saw her whole face light-up with pure joy. "Good", I said to my-self, "she heard that!"

"The main problem I encountered", Harry continued, "During my search was, that whenever one of England's best witches peaked my interest, the Auror in me found evidence of severe war trauma that was often combined with a deep fear of our invasive media. Our generation has been severely damaged emotionally by the Riddle war. Maybe Ron's idea of getting therapy is worth looking into".

"That's not a bad idea … really it's not", I said. - "You two boys were far more effected my PDST trauma than I was. - The locket for example, never whispered to me. - - But you are wrong about the witches of London. Not all of them are basket cases".

"You're not listening to me – as usual", Harry said in a sour tone. "I went through the file of every single girl in the right age bracket in London and I came-up empty. No sparks – no boners – no wet dreams … and believe me that includes brunettes like; Davis and Bones".

"Forget about the ruddy hair color … Davis and Bones 'personalities' match yours almost perfectly. My research in that area was flawless", I declared in my annoyed tone of voice.

"So Bill was correct" Harry snarled; his temper flaring. "Just as he suspected, you are the one (not Ron) who came up with this blind-date rubbish –Dammit Hermione … how could you. Oh hell, never mind … Listen to me … bitch. - I'm here to tell you in no uncertain terms; ' _call it off_ '."

"Yes Harry", I replied meekly, for what else … could I do

"I started out to find a wife and with that firmly in mind; I finally decided do give up on- **all** -former Hogwarts witches. - And no; I'm not bride hunting all across Europe or in the America's; either. I require a spouse that can survive and flourish in the media fishbowl I live in. A cinema starlet with a publicist would do in a pinch or a far younger; female member, of the British royal family".

"Luckily … thinking of Queen Elizabeth made me think-of the Veela royalty and that reminded me of Melissa and when that happened, all the pieces fell in to my lap, so to speak", Harry said with a smile. – "At the time I thought of her; Melissa had just buried her fourth mortal Husband without issue. Childless and unmarried, pure-blood Veela princesses aren't exactly the sort of thing you find floating around every day on a Muggle dating-site."

"Don't you think you're overreaching … a tad? - She is a royal princess, after all" - I asked meekly.

"Nope, I'm going for the brass ring … only the best will do – I demand perfection in a woman that's already under constant media scrutiny _ and that translates to a full Veela Princess", Harry replied with unusual sternness.

I looked around and realized (once again) that everyone was watching us (including Tracey) and listening by every means, including magical, to every single word. - - I was sure it would be on 'page one' in a special edition the Daily Prophet in a couple of hours and that's when it hit me ( **hard** ) the 'why' behind Harry having a dating conversation with me in a very public … very crowed hallway. That clever git was sending a clear message, in the rumor mill capital of magical Britain. - Everything he had said up to this point would surely be repeated verbatim to anyone who would listen. - Including my culpability in arranging two blind dates for him (already out there, apparently) and the obvious consequences to anyone foolish enough to hook him up again.

It was a totally brilliant thing for Harry to do … but it didn't lessen by one iota, my feelings of idiocy. Not wanting to add to the public spectacle; I pushed /pulled and half dragged Harry to my small but thankfully soundproof office. - I needed a cuppa desperately. - I desired time to think, - - I had mucked up big-time, and that just had to be ' _the moment_ ' when I remembered Ron telling me this was all a bad idea … that Harry was fully capable of finding his own girl. –

It was less than nine hours from dinner and the wrong girl - was going to show up. Just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse … the door to my office opened, and Harry's head turned sharply, like it was attached by a really tight bungee cord.

There was a beautiful silver blonde in the doorway, sadly for Harry, it was the wrong one. And she was accompanied by a tall red-headed man. "Fleur, Bill," Harry called happily, before saying something in French that flew by me too fast for my liking.

Bill replied in French while looking hard at me and Harry facial expression hardened.

"Mind if we join you?" Bill asked me in English.

"Welcome to the humble office of (MCW) **M** agical **C** reatures **W** elfare department (sixth floor- south wing)," I said with a warm (and clearly forced) smile. "We could go to the cafeteria for a-spot of breakfast, but I'll presume you've already eaten?"

"Yes; we have", Bill replied … "in fact Harry popped around to the Delacour estate for breakfast."

"Might I ask just how you managed to do that?" I asked.

"Erm … I … ah … Apparated?"

"From London to southern France in one go?"

"Three jumps actually", He said while absentmindedly transfiguring a couple more chairs out of a pair of pencils on my desk. - "Okay, is everyone settled in" Harry asked gleefully, before looking hard at me. "Are you okay; Hermione, you look kind-of …pale?"

"I'm fine," I said, forcing a small smile to my face. - In actuality though … I was feeling rather frantic, my thoughts going back to Tracey Davis who had seen and heard a lot-more than I ever wanted her to. Davis would naturally get in contact with Bones …and discuss the situation, before coming to see me. That would be (of course) a fun meeting.

Bill and Fleur sat down next to Harry.

"We're your royal escorts for today," Bill said, before turning to me. "The goblins were tripping over themselves in their eagerness to assist the Veela Royal family. By the way Harry, you owe me a galleon."

"I do," Harry asked genuinely puzzled, "What for?"

"Harry told me at breakfast that my brother was taking the credit for organizing blind dates for him … with two mortal candidate's (no less) but I disagreed, saying that Ronnie wouldn't do that to him … as he is rather clueless when it comes to dating the wrong kind of witches, _don't you know_?" – Bill said while glaring hard at me. (What was he implying?). – "So I bet him a galleon that you were the actual mastermind behind this … fiendish plot",

"My intentions were pure, I wanted Harry to be happy – but yes; this blind date thingy was my idea", I admitted.

Harry frowned even harder at me, and then took a galleon out of a pocket and tossed it over to Bill, while saying in an angry tone: "small price to pay for proper escorts"

"And what do you mean by escorts?" I asked.

Fleur smiled, "You can 'ardly expect Melissa to travel 'wit-out protection … de chaperone - eh?"

"Especially when she's being let out to see a non-Veela prospective breeder," Harry added.

"Please, De Kingdom's female leadership as well as herrr Muzzer, like you." Fleur paused for a few seconds, and then added; "at least dey do …now."

Harry grinned like a lion does before he pounces on an enemy. As I mentioned earlier I had never seen him so agitated.

"As I remember it; didn't Melissa say that she couldn't date?" I asked weakly, feeling like I was navigating a mine-field.

Harry glared at me again and said nothing; he looked like a pressure cooker about to explode. – Clearly; I was in deep trouble. - - Even if I shared with Harry all of my raw research data …about why I firmly believed that Tracey's personality would make her a very enjoyable date for tonight … he dismissed my efforts without discussion. I had encountered Harry's - issue inflexibility - before this, I knew that once he had made-up his mind … there was next to no chance of ever changing it.

The best example of his obstinacy - directly lead to the Battle of the Department of Mysteries. - I was spot-on on that issue, and he has never admitted that I was right … that it was a trap. Ron disagrees with me almost constantly, but he would at least hear my arguments with an open mind. - I could convince Ron if I had the facts behind me (sometimes) as he could convince me if my 'Muggle fix' (house-elves) was incompatible with the races that inhabit the Wizarding world.

But on the dating issue, Harry's mind was already tightly closed – (plain to see) and he showed his inflexibility in his anger. - Harry didn't approve of my various political agenda's for modernizing magical Britain, any more than Ronald did. That my Ron had already prepositioned himself to take all the blame (for my error) just made my situation even worse. –

I was one lucky girl to have Ron do that kind of stuff for me (without being asked) and I felt grateful, really-really grateful. It's was times like these when I remembered just how much I loved and depended upon, his unconditional support.

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"She couldn't be seen with just any mortal", Bill agreed interrupting my musings, "The concept of dating is unknown in their culture and 'sort-of'_ forbidden by their law - and when the direct approach failed, our government had to get indirectly involved in the diplomatic efforts - and to change such a fundamental policy took time. - - So to speed things along; Harry then…", Bill began,

"… I turned things over to Bill and the Gringotts Goblins and let them sort things out," Harry interrupted.

"All for a date … one, lousy - date?" - I asked in a stunned semi-whisper.

"It is a mistake to believe that a regular date with Harry would be automatically a disaster", Bill said firmly before making a loving glance at his half Veela wife. "However, as I my-self discovered … the term 'dating' is offensive to the Veela cultural sensibilities (they don't date … period) and as such … was withdrawn from the table, eleven months ago.

Dating to them is far too casual a term, to be attached to such a 'delicate', survival issue - - and for a full Veela of royal rank such a 'barbaric practice' was against tradition (out of the question). – Veela apparently; only 'do' arranged-marriages, where the bride and groom first meet on their wedding day. So a simple date request was transformed into an engagement proposal, early-on in the process. – That was an unexpected move on Harry's part and it left the Veela's stunned, they countered with more roadblocks, which naturally made him even more determined.

" _Dating a full Veela, how could any normal male_ _ **not**_ _become hopelessly enthralled_ " I asked my-self?

Did you know that Percy and Ronnie did a magical ancestry chart on Harry", Bill asked me, startling me out of my musings

"Ron mentioned it to me … a long time ago", I answered still feeling a-little dazed at what Harry was doing. "He said the Weasley line dated back to AD 60.

"True enough … but Percy traced Harry's ancestors and his bloodline got here first. The start of his household can be traced to a Legate (a military Governor for a large city) of the Roman province of Britannia from the second legio 'Augusta' that served here from AD 54 to AD 59. Markus was a professional Roman solider by trade and an excellent legion administrator. The surname comes from his Celtic wife whose father was a potter (a tradesman) who made drinking and storage vessels out of stone fired … **clay** - **pots**. (Get it …pots into Potter)

"So Harry's family tree dates back to the first Roman invasion", I said exasperated, - "And his blood-line originally started out as half-blood like **my** Ron's surname went from an insult; 'Weasel' that over time became 'Weasley'. The Potter's and the Weasley's both trace back to a pair of Roman soldiers, - How does that fact make Harry acceptable as a date to Veela royalty?"

"Oh it doesn't – Harry himself is the product of a half-blood witch by the name of Evans and a fourteen generational pure bloodline on Potter side. - At first the Veela matriarchal council determined that fourteen generations wasn't pure enough. - Even though as one of only three heirs to the Vass Black family fortune, Harry could along with his Potter inheritance potentially keep the princess Melissa in the 'style that she was accustomed', for the next three hundred years".

"The tipping point came from Melissa her-self, when she became a strong supporter of the idea of starting a fresh bloodline that could potentially produce male Veela's. - Melissa called in the Kingdoms best seer, and she confirmed that Harry and Melissa would have a half-dozen daughters and two Veela sons during three breeding cycles", Bill said.

"Well, that helped too," Harry admitted bashfully.

The door opened again, and this time the correct drop-dead gorgeous Veela appeared. She was utilizing the reducing spell that Harry had first used on her at Fleur's wedding and she was also wearing average Muggle clothing – a pair of jeans and a light grey jumper - which gave her the overall diminished appearance of an everyday … plain Jane … ' _lingerie_ ' model.

' _Oh my-God … damn her to hell, every single time I see her, I feel like the ugly step sister_ ', I said to myself as I bit back a snarl.

I could easily imagine the reaction of every straight male in my part of the Ministry that saw her float through the Atrium (as if her feet didn't touch the floor) on her way to my office. To all human males; just a single glimpse of even a disguised Veela – would look to the mere human; like a glass of ice cold water after they'd spent the a few hot days on a desert island, with nothing to drink.

As happened at the Fleur wedding earlier, I found myself instantly hating her; it was purely instinctive and unavoidable. It is also thankfully; a hate that with effort, can be suppressed, but it wasn't easy. Even if she did make me feel- 'inferior in attractiveness' -to pug-nose Pansy in a beauty contest.

Melissa smiled warmly at Harry, before she then whispered something to him in French. As he had gotten up and moved in-between Melissa and me; his back was turned to me, I had no idea what happened to Harry's face, but he stepped forward and pulled her into a gently hug.

Melissa looked surprised for a second, before she relaxed into it.

I could see her eyes moved as Harry whispered something back in her ear, and I lip read her saying 'Oui' which isn't quite the limit (currently) of my French, but its close enough.

Harry slid out of the hug and pulled back, and then with a flip of his wand …suddenly; Harry's regal robes were replaced by something a-lot more casual (jeans and a tee-shirt). That matched Melissa outfit almost perfectly. They now looked like an average pair of Muggle Londoners out for a day of shopping.

Harry then put an arm around Melissa's waist and pulled her against his hip and that's when I noticed that the two of them were the exact same height. Normally Veela are tall and almost anorexically thin (standing 5'11" in bare feet) like a super model _and Fleur and Melissa had been that height at the wedding. Fleur was still tall and thin, but her former bridesmaid wasn't. - Even wearing modest heels the Veela princess had magically shrunk to be on an 'eye level' with Harry. - That she had adjusted the original spell for his sake, spoke volumes … it indicated that Melissa was 'all in' favor of this and that fact alone …left me stunned. Harry then guided her over toward me, as Bill and Fleur also regained their feet, before he paused and looked directly at me.

"Melissa and I," Harry said firmly. "Have a busy day planed for us. So we better get going. - Oh by the way, Hermione; don't worry about me becoming enthralled, for I am not as weak willed as the wizard who tried so hard to cover for your fatal mistake.

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To be continued


	10. Chapter 10

**A really- really bad idea** \- By Billybob-csagun36

Chapter 10

Original title: Princess by **Jeconais** (from his abandoned section)

 **Rated M** – adult subject matter

 **Alternate Universe** \- (AU) – obviously; - I've changed the original sub-plot from during Hogwarts to post. I've mixed in the plot lines from some of my own stories (my take on Ron's post war career … for example) and my bias opinion that 'Harmione' would never work … even if it was given the fair shot that it didn't get in cannon.

I've tried to pull Granger down from the Goddess like pedestal that too many put her on. Tried to paint Ron in a favorable light without resorting to the kind of complete 'makeover transformation' from Cannon; that the 'Dramoine' nut-jobs … are so often guilty of.

And I have tried to stress that not all snakes are bad

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 **Begin** flashback

"Melissa and I," Harry said firmly. "Have a busy day planed for us. So we better get going. - Oh by the way, Hermione; don't worry about me becoming enthralled, for I am not as weak willed as the wizard who tried so hard to cover for your fatal mistake.

 **End** flashback

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"You knew", I said in a resigned tone.

"Knew what exactly"; Melissa asked suddenly curious.

"Bill won the bet, my dear … as my ' _little mother_ ' here", Harry said as he pointed at me. "Became rather concerned recently about my lack of dating … and as usual, she wasn't one hundred percent sure about which type of bird that I currently fancied",

"Ron didn't tell me any of this by-the-way, I have other sources". – Harry said in an aside to the others in my office. - "In fact, I'm reliably told by his house-elf, that my best-mate tried to talk this never wrong Goddess out of manipulating me into two blind dates… and he even offered to take the lumps that you actually deserved. When I left him an hour ago, the poor sod still thought he was covering for you.

"I like this Ron of yours, loyalty to one's life-mate is greatly valued in my culture" Melissa said

"I'm rather fond of him myself", Harry said with a tiny smile; before looking hard at me and saying: "When will you learn that that ickle Harrykins is all grown-up and doesn't need someone to change his nappy?"

"I'm really sorry", I said

"Not sorry enough", Harry growled at his old friend. "You have stepped on my toes a dozen times or more over the years – way too often for a quick forgiveness this time, worse still … you've tried to manipulate me … and that, was the final straw - - I am sorely tempted to tell you that we're done as friends and render myself unplottable to you … but as always, you have a trump card in your control, that keeps you in the game",

"Ron" I whispered softly

"This one … I can walk away from; without looking back", Harry said sternly as she pointed me out to the others. - She thinks she knows what's best for everyone… she thinks she is the smartest person in any room she enters, but she's not. - She can't give up on the concept - that manipulating me, like Albus did; anytime he liked … is a really-really BAD IDEA."

"But if she is exiled, Ron will go with her", Bill pointed out softly.

"She dis his week spot … yes?" Fleur added in the same calming tone.

"Perhaps we should postpone our first date to another time", Melissa said, seeing how angry and tense Harry was.

"No … when confronted with bad news … off set it …with good news", Harry said.

"Hey, that's one of Ronnie's favorite sayings … isn't it?" - Bill asked.

"I need Ron's outlook on life … his love of family, he's my rock … my right arm, the foundation of what little sanity I possess", Harry declared before turning to me and saying: "but this arrogant bitch … I can do without and I'm warning you Hermione, there is a limit to the number of times you can play the same trump card".

"Thank-you Harry" I said letting out the breath that I didn't know I was holding.

"Don't thank me, the only thing that saved you, is the dimwitted tradesman you look down-on … who loves you more than his own life. Muck-that-up and you'll die alone".

"I won't", I said with a relieved tiny smile … as Melissa looked at me strangely as if she knew something that I didn't.

"You better not", Harry snarled.

"Harry, we should go", Melissa said tentatively.

"What I need right now to clear my head, is a party".

"A Party?" - Bill said clearly surprised. "I image something small can be arranged.

"In the spirit of international relationships," Harry said. "Specifically, mine, we should have a huge dinner party – with dancing and fireworks" he added in a low tone while glancing at Melissa for approval. - After a moment of reflection … she nodded yes

"A few hours is not enough time to organize a really Big Party". Bill warned.

"Challenge accepted," I said strongly

"Hermione?" - Harry said in a threatening tone.

"I wish to make amends to you and Melissa; I can't let Ron take the heat for what I did. Let me organize this dinner party; just tell me; how big is the budget, what do you want to eat and how many guests."

"Unlimited budget" Harry replied … the Black/Potter family fortune could easily afford a nationwide party for everyone in magical Great Britain to celebrate the first day of my official engagement to Melissa".

"Number of guests?" I asked in a now deeply worried tone.

"Two hundred plus at least" he replied casually

"Menu" I asked.

"Don't worry about that, I going to burrow a few hundred house-elves from Hogwarts for the meal".

"May I borrow some of these elves for location prep?"

"Yes" Harry said

"Location?"

"Covert an empty warehouse that I know of, with an unobstructed view of the Thames River, I'll give you the address"

"It will be done…" I began weakly_ and with deep sigh of relief, I drew back from the edge of destruction (and personal ruin), but I was still way to close to the edge for my liking. - One tiny misstep … and I could lose everything. But then a thought accrued to me (little miss organize-everything) and I stepped over to the corner of my tiny office and said in a firm a voice: "Come to me … Winky, Leena," and finally after a reflective pause … Tweaky".

The excitable house-elves appeared. All three of them took one look at Melissa and grinned, before Winky, Leena and Tweaky curtseyed to the Veela royalty. Melissa winked at them and they winked back. Winky and Leena then turned to Harry waiting for orders but Tweaky turned towards me.

"How do you two feel about an excessive amount of work in a short amount of time?" Harry asked Winky and Leena.

"Really?" Winky asked hopefully.

"Yes, there will be four of us … my date, plus two escorts and I. - - We will be going to Disney World in Florida for the day. We might even stop-over at Universal studios; as I hear that they have a new theme park planned … that I might like. - Winky we need you to arrange everything … first class, spare no expense. - And we have to be back here; by seven".

"Can do", Winky said with determination.

"Leena; your task is to provide a banquet, of seven courses, beverages, the tables - the silverware - the works. Recruit the entire Hogwarts kitchen staff if you need to.

"Harry Potter is barmiest wizard in entire world," Leena added and with a pop she was gone.

"Agreed," Winky agreed with a huge smile and a second later; she too was gone

88**88

"You called" Tweaky asked me

"I need your help; it involves the honor of your masters Household"

"De honor of mia master dis Tweaky's firstie concern. Dosie thee speak for mia master din dis?" The house-elf asked me.

"Do you think he would let me?"

"I is not – n - never willie be youies house-elf. So no's givie me clothes, I doesie not wishie to be free" Tweaky insisted.

"No clothing I promise, I need your help in the cleaning and sanitizing of an old warehouse on the Thames River; for a dinner party for three hundred plus guests. - I want it totally clear of vermin, insects and birds for one hundred yards in all directions. The whole area has to be scrubbed clean, roofed in glass (it might rain) be magically unplottable and heavily warded … as this will be by invitation only … _by-the-way_ ; make the place undetectable by Muggle's - We'll also need the appropriate music and a solid wood, ballroom style, dance floor"

Tweaky thought it over before asking, "Canies I recruit druthers house-elves that be wit-out masters?"

"As many as you need?" I replied

"Whenies din-din eats"

"Seven tonight" I said

"Five centuries be enough, but if dey do dis for you …wills you bree helps de orphans of mia kind, findie Homes and families due serve" Tweaky asked.

"Freedom is out of the question I suppose", I said.

"Master be knowing dur culture better dan yousie …"

"Yes-yes… I know he does", I said while reluctantly giving in to Wizarding reality. "I swear to personally work on a (ERA) bill for the Wizengamot ( **E** lf **R** esettlement **A** ct) to help those without masters to find new families… if that is what they want. - Just remember; this party must be flawless? - The warehouse must look like the insides of a royal palace, fit for Veela royalty? - I said deeply worried

"We elves dot need loads of wizard lording (supervision), gut other–n-wise it cannie be done - - youie canna not bedoing dis alone mistress"; Tweaky added in warning. "firstie off I be gather mia clan", and with a pop the elf was gone

88**88

"Granger" Harry said, and there was still a thick bit of anger in his tone. He hadn't called me by my surname since first year.

"Yes Harry" I replied.

"Do you know what happens if you fail me" he growled at me… - - GROWLED! - He'd never done that before.

"Yes; I think so"

He handed me a scrap of parchment with an address on it and then issued his threat. "I'll replace you … Ron will have no memory of you… and Susan Bones will do nicely as a replacement; she'll give him all the children he'd want without complaint … children that you won't even consider right now (Ron told me) Harry growled with a look that was border-line hateful.

"Harry I'm really-really sorry" I said while feeling more frightened than ever before … I couldn't lose Ron over this … and he was my everything,

"Then make this special for Melissa", He said before he activated the port-key (made out of my desk stapler) and with a loud pop … my tiny office was empty. - A moment later a large burlap bag filled to overflowing with goblin gold, faded into existence on my desk (the dinner budget)

88**88

I felt a headache forming. How could I possible oversee five hundred house-elves?

The quiet was then broken by a loud hiss, "Granger!"

At this stage, I'd kind-of forgotten about my wonderful plan … the biggest disaster of my entire life. - I had forgotten how Tracey was supposed to be going out to dinner with Harry tonight. And to go from insult to injury; I had forgotten that …as much as I personally liked him, how he was single handedly changing the magical science of botany in the UK. - - I really don't think that Tracey would be pleased to learn that I had chose her because; dear sweet Neville, has a 'thing' for her tightly sculptured arse!

"I'm sorry," I said meekly as I turned to face the angry witch standing in my doorway. "I swear I didn't know!"

"You didn't know that your best friend was learning French, and buggering-off to France half the time to chat-up a bloody Veela Princess!?" Tracey roared at me

"No," I said, feeling my face heat up in embarrassment. "I thought he was off moping somewhere. - His mood swings still happen (but not as often) and he disappears for long periods of time without notifying anybody… except my Ron".

"And you never asked your Ron where Harry had gone off to do this 'Moping' … really?" Susan asked, pushing Tracey out of the way and getting in on the act,

"Yes …well, Ron respects his privacy more than I ever did and after I hunted Harry down (more than once), to give him a piece of my mind over his foul moods - - which only made matters worse - - after taking a beating (or two) for ratting him out … Ron abruptly stopped telling me where Harry had gone off to", I said weakly, realizing only now that I had managed to avoid a lot of important clues. Like, well, (the fact) that all of his recent books I had seen …had titles written in French.

"So, the reason you didn't know what Harry was doing is centered on your habit of sticking your nose into other people's business. I'm guessing that's the reason you didn't know (until after the fact) that Potter; helped your Ronnie organizes a snow-ball fight; for_ 'inside' _the Great Hall, for the homesick firsties (lower years); because it was too bitter cold to go outside?" - Susan said harshly - "that stunt was against a dozen Hogwarts rules and the firsties loved it … ( _by-the-way_ ) Ronnie could have gotten expelled for this much needed moral boast, I heard Snape demanded it. But luckily the headmaster reduced it an illegal prank".

"Ron got punished for it (of course) suspended his Perfect badge for three weeks (he got it back early due to all the mayhem you caused - doing the job alone) and served loads and loads of detentions without complaints (but you and Harry didn't get punished at all) … What he did for the firsties (of all four houses) made Ron the most popular perfect in Hogwarts history and put himn at the very top of a rather short list, for Head-Boy during the school-term … when the lot of you, went off camping".

"Ron … gave up being Head Boy?" - I said in a horrified whisper

"What I remember best", Tracey interjected. "Was Potter acting as 'banker' and paying for the Weasley Twin's great idea to bring roller blades into Hogwarts and teach everyone how to use them… it was pure mayhem in the hallways for weeks. - Pranking Potter wasn't punished for that one either, but he was the one behind it."

I was stunned speechless. Apparently I hadn't know half of what my two closest friends had done while was off in the library, I stood there wondering if my face could get so hot and flushed, that it would leave permanent third degree burn marks.

"All of this is my fault," Ron said, coming unexpectedly into my office at the Ministry. "I wasn't smart enough to talk her out to this idea. - If you really want to hex someone, you should point your wands at me",

' _He is protecting me again_ ', I said to myself … ' _he's so ruddy sweet and … **hot**_ '.

"Bullocks - Ronald," Tracey retorted in anger, "You're noble as hell, but your offer to step in front of the hex that Granger deserves …won't work this time. This- ' _knows it all - - grand idea_ '; has Granger's fingerprints all over it. So, miss organizes-everything … exactly why did you choose Susan and I to humiliate?"

"I thought he liked brunettes!"

"You have noted the fact that you're a brunette, right?" Susan asked again acidly, bringing up an old discussion - , "and didn't you tell me just yesterday that you gave Harry a go and he made it very clear that he's not interested in you?"

"Erm," I said, sounding like an idiot.

"Cho had black hair," Tracey continued, "the chaser Weasley, has red hair, and by her violent reaction (in a howler sent to me … not twenty minutes ago) Ginny doesn't appear to agree (at all) with Harry's 'just friends' assessment. – She's demanding a 'Friends with benefits' rematch and … 'right of first refusal' on Harry's naughty bits. - So, please answer the question. Why did **you** choose a couple of brunettes?"

"We gave Harry some charmed porn," Ron said, with a little more honestly than was perhaps needed at this junction, "and then analyzed the results."

"But as it turns out; Harry gave your test material to someone else," Susan said with a resigned sigh. "Granger, I knew I shouldn't have listened to you when you and Davies came up to me. Please, do me a huge favor, and next time you have a 'fucking' bright idea like this … don't bring it to me!"

"Agreed," Tracey said.

Susan looked at Tracey. "Shopping?"

"It sounds like we have a big party to attend tonight," Tracey agreed. "I just got my owl post invite. It's numbered 375",

"Mine is number 407", Susan said

"Shite", I mumbled to upset to care about my language.

"If we take a half day off from work … we can beat the rush."Susan said

"Meet me at my office at one (PM); I have a few things to finish-up here … first", Tracey replied.

Together, the two girls gave me another glare, and Susan marched out, head held high.

88**88

"Wow," Lavender said taking her turn in my still open office. "You really screwed this up, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did" - I agreed.

"In which case, I won't point out the fact that if Harry likes blondes, and I am 'natural' blonde… roof and carpet match … ya understand? - Just ask Won-won here he knows", she hissed at me with her stereotypical ' _common-trollop_ ' angry snarl (yeah, I still hate her for stealing Ron from me).

"Lavender, play nice", Ron pleaded softly

"Why didn't you go after a Veela; Ronnie, I hear they are desperately looking for breeders and we both know you seed is wasted on this 'career obsessed' shrew", Lavender said, pointing at me. "Think of the embarrassment you'll both suffer, as world-class idiots; for not knowing that your best friend Harry didn't want a leg-over with anyone that was even remotely human." Brown continued to ramble, giving living proof … of the lightning speed quality of the Ministry rumor mill. By now almost half of magical England already knew, how much trouble I was in.

"You have to admire his balls though," Tracey said from the corner. "First he kicks Voldemort's scaly arse, then goes after a full Veela Princess!"

Ron couldn't help but grin. "Good on him", he said with obvious pride. –

A moment later Lavender buttoned back-up her blouse. - - I think she was making another in a long-line of futile attempt at stealing my Ron, **again** \- (growl…hiss) and with a disappointed huff, everyone's favorite tramp …stormed out of my office.

"Ron I love you with all my heart but…why are you here, right now?" I asked as only two visitors remained in my tiny office as my headache got worse.

"Tweaky told me about her chat with Harry, apparently no house-elf in England can keep a secret from the national treasure. Tweaky also mentioned that you 'volunteered' to handle the arrangements for Harry's dinner date (dance party) tonight. - Then the post came in at the shop (Black Knight Chess ltd.) and we got our invitation to the party; number 523" - Putting two and two together, I thought this was an ' _all hands on deck_ ' situation. I closed the shop, and owled the family (except for Bill) … they are on their way".

"Thanks luv", I smiled in gratitude

"What about you Tracey? - Are you still waiting to get your pound of flesh?" - I asked weakly nearly overwhelmed.

"I wanted to ask about your 'real' test subject, the one who liked my arse_ **a lot** _do you know who it was?" - Tracey asked with genuine nervousness, "And keep in mind; you owe me a blind date with a genuine war hero".

I looked her in the eyes and told the truth. "I have every reason to believe that Harry gave the porn to Neville Longbottom".

"Neville", Tracey said softly, thinking over this news very carefully, before smiling … **huge**. - "You still owe me introduction and I think, I'm calling it in …Next Friday … with Longbottom …Okay?"

"Really?"

"Yeah" Tracey said with indescribable joy on her face, before leaving Hermione's office

*** **Finis** ***

88**88

* * * Epilog - - - - do you remember the original Jeconais - plot?

*Harry and Melissa turned the dinner party on the banks of the Thames river into an impromptu wedding (a smashing success btw) with eight hundred and ninety two guests, served by half the house-elves in Hogwarts (at that time). And yet Hermione remained classified as; still on- ' **friendship probation** ' - with Harry until after her divorce from Ron… after that; she had next to zero contact with Britain's National treasure, or any of the Weasley's.

* Yes; it was a really-really Bad Idea!

88**88

* * * Epilog - - 'Good ending'

*The blind date for Neville took place as planed and on the one year anniversary of that date surrounded by their friends; Tracey and Neville were married. - Theirs was to be a long and happy 'love match' that lasted until the end of their days … filled with joy – children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Tracey would follow him into the 'next great adventure' (death) within a fortnight, unable to bear the thought of living without him.

*The Draco /Neville business partnership (a potions ingredient shop) was only enhanced by the addition of Tracey a journeywoman potion master. (Eventually: Tracey, as any cunning and ambitiously loyal, 'life-partner' would ... found a way to buy-out Draco's shares in the shop)

* * This Neville subplot was a 'means to an end' as it supported my long held belief that not all snakes are bad … some are redeemable (like a coupon). - Draco however; remains an evil self-centered git throughout (as he is in cannon). The ferret's one and only redeeming act, was in funding Neville's greenhouses project to make potion ingredients. Draco being far too spoiled, rich and self-centered; to want any 'hands-on' involvement in any shop.

*Greg who had been using Neville as a cover for his forbidden courtship of pugs nose Pansy (not said as a endearment)… had that 'cover' blown when Neville started openly dating Tracey … The Parkinson's (another bunch of pure-blood snobs) didn't approved at all of Greg, a mere 'low-life' tradesman (like Ron) so it wasn't until pug-nose fell pregnant, that Greg (Of … ' _Goyle's Leather Goods ltd._ ') finally got permission to marry her. –

There you go … just another story of a pair of semi-good snakes getting a happy ending. Maybe Greg saw something in Pansy (that the rest of us missed … completely)

*Susan Bones (a healer) married Justin Finch-Fletchley (general manager of Obscurus Books) a year after Tracey – and Susan with the help of three house-elves acquired through the (ERA) gave birth to and raised … a total of eight children (she and Tracey remained close friends for life).

88**88

*** - I never approved of the Neville/Hannah Abbott relationship (he can do way better … and in this story he does)

88**88

*** Ron and Hermione married and had two children; Rose and Hugo (as bespoken in Cannon) and when I first started writing HP fan fiction the above would have been how I ended this 'blind date' tale.

My HP world view however was forever tainted on the Eighth of February, 2014; when an announcement was made by JK Rowling concerning the epilog pairing of Ron and Hermione. In published statements both JKR and the actress Emma Watson, who played Hermione Granger in the movies, 'both' believed that Ron would have been a 'poor fit' for Hermione as a life mate and that they would have many-many marital problems … but these problems, MIGHT have been fixed, with 'counseling'. However this outcome was made even more unlikely when Rupert Grint (Ron) stated in 2016 that his character and Hermione would be long divorced by the time of the ' _nineteen year later_ ' Epilog in September of 2017. JKR her-self admitted that if she could ' **redo** ' her series; Harry would have ended-up with Hermione.

Should such a bad writer (as my-self) dare to say no to the maker of (hind sighted) second thought (JKR) revised epilog CANNON?

Warning; the worshipers of the Goddess Granger and her Muggle 'doppelganger' (carbon-copy double) the ultimate Feminist, E. Watson are going to HATE this.

**However: if Rupert Grint is correct and Ron and Hermione ended-up Divorced, what would be the core reason behind this happening, in the epilog of my tale, I present a theory:

88**88 - - the 'Sad ending'

* Melissa's foretelling proved correct, in spite of several attempts at marriage and personal therapy ,which Hermione attended only rarely ("nothing seriously wrong with me" … she'd say) 'over time' … Hermione would and partially due to being exiled from Harry's company … would, by feeling excluded … become every inch the fanatical workaholic as her parents had been. - They had little time for Hermione as she grew-up… which is why (in cannon) her 'teenage' summers were spent (at least one third of those school holidays) at the Burrow.

This work obsession over everything else, by getting far more personal satisfaction from work than at home with Ron, would eventually lead to repeated and 'very' heated arguments … over the number of children which Hermione; would ever so reluctantly ' _ **gift**_ ' to Ron. - Her repeated insistence that maternity leaves combined with child rearing 'distractions', would seriously impeded her climb at the Ministry and that kind-of attitude … would put a serious strain on any relationship.

The discussion on having children (if any) 'should' always be made before marriage, just saying! - - If as I suspect Hermione is even half the feminists that Watson turned out to be (type casting) then the thought of giving-up her career for children would have been laughable … and utterly ridiculous.

Rose would then be; Hermione's very-reluctant compromise to keep the peace, but when she learned about Hugo … what would she do?

**Please note: no mention of Hugo is ever made in the stage play: 'Harry Potter and the Curse Child'.

Could the reason for this glaring 'theatrical' oversight … in a script that (JKR) her-self partially wrote _ and in line with the revised epilog. - - Hermione had insisted on having an abortion (it was her body) when she found herself pregnant for a second time. Could she have outright declared that Rose was her only 'concession' to making offspring?

But let's say for the sake of argument that Hermione yielded to Ron's gentle persuasion and the seven book's (two child) epilog remained relatively intact. How much time would a workaholic career girl actually 'allocate' to child rearing? - - Working 14 hour days; seven days a week for career advancement, leaves little time to change nappies. The only reason she would ever yield to Ron's point of view (did it ever happen in cannon … I doubt it) and have a second child – would be to prevent the career damage that might resulted from a messy divorce in a (post-war) desperate for magical children society.

To prevent such a disastrous possibility from happening in the future, having her tubes-tied would solve her problem … wouldn't it? - - Has there been any announcement from JKR as to why Hermione had only two children in the 'original' epilog, with that number reduced to only one in the stage play. - - With a life span of 150 years the ability to have a second batch after the first had grown and gone is at least a remote possibility. With no medical reason given by JKR concerning the now (official) count of one offspring (stage play) and I doubt that any discussion (as a couple) over the possibility of more children would have taken place – it is her body (I get that, okay).

I may sound totally sexist here, but in a relationship (as a couple) shouldn't the male have 'some' say as to how many kids (if any) the couple should have. - If this decision comes before the fact (marriage) **as it should** _and the couple fails to agree, don't both partners have the right to seek a companion that is in better 'sync' with their reproductive ambitions? –

However let us assume for reasons unknown, that the baby discussion 'never happens' until after the wedding between Ron and Hermione and when a 'unilateral' decision is made to end any chance of more children, without any weight given to her 'life-partner' desires on the subject … would-not, that decision alone become the foundation for resentment that could build into the major marital problems that (JKR) spoke of? … All kinds of things can happen in a nineteen year gap.

**88

In my tale; this series of 'unfortunate events' actually happened. - Hugo is aborted without Ron's knowledge and when he learns of it 'after the fact' and also discovers that Hermione had her tubes tied directly after the abortion (again …without any prior discussion) – could such a career centric act (yeah-yeah … it is her body) result in a rage to build inside of Ron to the point of an 'uncontested' legal separation, before Rose turned nine.

Getting custody would be easy from a feminist that never wanted children in the first place - and in spite of repeated court attempts to get Hermione into counseling to 'save' the marriage, all of which failed … she no longer needed (by this point) a spouse for career advancement.

Everything would be declared 'entirely' Ron's fault - 'naturally' … (That's how the Ron-bashing (fan-fiction) writers usually describes it …don't they?) his unreasonable demands … Ron's verbal or physical abuse (according to her) … his 'mental illness' over insisting on having more than one child – his cruel efforts to transform her into a bare-footed breeding machine and thus, deliberately ruin of her ever so promising career … after all, it's not appropriate to bring any child into a war ravaged world.

I can easily imagine Hermione; being 'far too busy' to take time off from work (a waste of time) to go to court to fight over custody of Rose … one less non-work related item to deal with … besides; getting a proper nanny and boarding schools is crazy expensive. – It would be better in the long run, far more logical and less complicated to let Ron and his elf-slave (Hiss growl) to take care of the child, for he was the total nut-job about this insane; 'wanting a family' issue. Then after two years or so a divorce could be quietly arranged, on the understanding that- no requests -for 'career distracting' visitation be made by the dullard (intellectually inferior) ex-husband.

In fact; we have all heard the countless tales of movie stars and politicians having zero time for their spouse or families due to their career obsession and if you then add to the mix … Hermione's various political crusades, her repeated and 'failed' attempts to make the Wizarding culture more ' **in line** ' with what she believed to be its superior Muggle counterpart. - Such activities would increasingly take her away from home and Ron for ever longer periods of time.

A lonely Hermione on the campaign trail; an over eager assistant; an innocent slap and tickle that went too far (it's an old story) would result (over time) in a near 'total estrangement' from her ex-husband and **two** children, (assuming 'Cursed Child' was wrong and Hugo was alive) some two years before Rose's graduation from Hogwarts. - Hermione would of course send her regrets for not attending, as she was at a Paris conference … as the key speaker on the expansion of Centaur sanctuaries … but this was (of course) just one price of many that she was willing to pay for her career advancement.

Fourteen hour days – seven days a week dedication to never ending ambition, at the 'minor' cost of home and family, plus her fame among the Muggleborn's now undisputed majority, was what made Hermione the youngest and first ever 'Muggleborn' Minister of Magic just as Melissa (and the stage play) had predicted. She proved to be an highly efficient Minister, but also a very lonely one, spending the remainder of her days - working on a variety of geo-political feminist causes, that never got much traction in the Wizarding world, while living alone with a series of cats.

** Ron and Tweaky preferred to spend this time period, raising of his child/children in a happy home filled with joy and laughter … sharing great times with Melissa, Harry, his many children with his Veela, Ron's siblings and their families and their many shared friends …Tracey and Neville for example (Pansy and Greg too …believe it or not) while putting only secondary importance on business success (and Ron's chess shop was successful … by-the-way.) - because the greatest lesson that Ron ever taught his children, was his heartfelt belief that … Family, always comes first.

**In my version of the original epilog's future, during the year AD 2036, after seeing both of his children Rose and (possibly) Hugo, graduated from Hogwarts (with honors) in a quite ceremony, Ronald Bilius Weasley was remarried; to a witch (unnamed) that he had been living with for eight years prior to their wedding. A witch who gave him four more children and finally put him- **first** -above everything else.

Who was this street wise; down to earth witch, who mended Ron's broken heart? - I leave that puzzle to my few readers to solve.

88**88

 **Authors ending rant** : - Before you condemn the end of my tale (sad ending) before you write a review saying that my theory as totally bogus; please compare it to real life of the 'gender neutral' and truly devoted feminist; Emma Watson whose highly successful 'career first' attitude as both an actor and political activist, is a fantastic example of (reversed) 'type casting' wherein the a feminist character, Granger - the _arrogant-know-it-all_ _ as written in novel and movie fame - becomes the proud to be called; 'anti-male' (in a speech at the UN: September 20, 2014) actor of today.

Only one question remains: Which came first, the feminist or the egg?

88**88

Thanks again for the abandoned story … Jeconais

88**88

**Roll credits, lights come up – go home people, it's over.


End file.
